That's a sticky mess to deal with.

Kid strokes himself to death. I can't vouch for the veracity of this, but yeah that's dedication.

What did he pull it right the fuck off???

The only way you can die of it, is if you have a heart attack, and your dick would peel long before that.

I'm living proof you can't do this....

That's going to require a whole scrotum worth of salt, no pinch will do.

Texture physics?

I find that HARD to believe... Get it?? Hard..

Yeah, wth?

Ing-rish, mothafuckah!

Thanks Midnight Funeral!!

This scorching hot news of the moment.... in 2011... came straight from this site:

http://www.g17.com.br/noticia.php?id=99

The Portuguese version of The Onion.

Little did I know how close to death that Nina Hartley VHS tape I got hold of as a teenager brought me...

OMG have you seen her recently?? She looks HORRIBLE..

Ed has seen her recently, very up close and personal.

"Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it,
No use denying it, I was really cranking it,
So dry your eyes, don't feel so bad,
If you could just forgive me
And talk to me, DAD!"

Yeah, she looks a little beat.

But does she still give a good blowjob?

I wouldn't want to know... if she had as many pricks sticking out of her as she's had in her she'd look like a porcupine.

Maybe, but in the 80s she looked like this:

But that was 30 years ago..

Find anyone who looks really good 30 years past their prime.

Michele Pfeiffer
Gina Gershon
Jane Leeves
Marge Helgenberger

Yes, Christie Brinkley continues to look amazing.