So this question came up between myself and a guy I work with. Both of us are not really people persons. We'd rather be left alone and not really socialize with most people. We've both been accused of being assholes. And we really don't care. An example, we've both had people try to talk to us, when we really don't want to talk to them. And we'll give short answers, or just flat out tell them we don't want to talk to them. But at the same time, we don't want to see people treated unfairly. One of the guys we work with, we really don't like. But don't hate either. Earlier last week, he was verbally attacked by another person. And the verbal attack was not justified or even deserved in any way. He had zero control over the reason he was attacked ked. We both jumped to defend him. And gave him advice on how to handle it, and which channels to take off it happened again. And on several occasions we've let clients know if they've been over sold or not given the solution they need or wanted. So while there are people we don't like, and can get rather short with people. And at times flat out tell someone we don't like them and why. We'll both jump to the defense of that person if we think they are not treated fairly or correctly.
Nice and kind are often treeated as synonyms, but aren't. Nice literally means to be intentionally ignorant of someone else's faults. Kind means being compassionate and trying to do good. Sounds to me like you guys are kind, but not nice. IMO those are the best people.
Yes, you can be a good person without being nice. Or more accurately, without being personable. I like to think I'm a good person, but I despise humanity and strive to minimize my face-to-face dealings.
I think you can, because human behavior is complex and nuanced. Too often, people mistake niceness for goodness. For example, politicians. Most of them you wouldn't leave alone with your sister for five seconds, but they're always smiling and just so very "nice." In short, having manners and etiquette does not make you a good person. How you treat people in terms of meeting their social, emotional, physical, and material needs says far more about you than being "nice." Lanz may not appear to show the sentimentality I might, but he's done a lot of good.
Indeed. I believe him when he says he despises humanity. I love humanity and often people can still drive me halfway up the wall. Humans are an amazing animal, but we're bunglers. We poke at something with a sharp stick until the something breaks, and then we blame the stick.
"Let me tell you something about Hew-mons, Nephew. They're a wonderful, friendly people, as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those same friendly, intelligent, wonderful people... will become as nasty and as violent as the most bloodthirsty Klingon. You don't believe me? Look at those faces. Look in their eyes." Quark--Deep Space Nine
The big problem is that we've become so superficial in our judgements of people. Speak loudly and rudely and you're "tough". Care about others and you're "weak". If you're not a people person who makes friends easily, you're an "asshole". If you're rich you're "successful". If you stutter, you're "stupid" or "senile". If you're "beautiful", you're a better person than someone who's "ugly". I kinda like the old joke that "beauty is skin deep, ugly goes right down to the bone", but that one presents it's own problems. Perhaps the best aphorism is "don't watch what they say: watch what they do. "He was a man with a mouth and they liked what he said". Pug Henry, from Herman Wouk's War and Remembrance. Damn fine reading if you're willing to invest the time, although his recounting of the Battle of Midway has been supplanted by the brilliant analysis "Shattered Sword" (another long, but worthwhile read). Our future as a country hangs in the balance and how it ends up will be determined by how willing we are to look at things besides surface appeal.
I try to keep it somewhere between rule 303 (the means necessitate the obligation) and "you can judge a man based on how he treats those who can do nothing for him".
