Santa's... er, Satan's Sinfully Wholesome Political Memes

damn... I love Daguerreotypes!

Crystal tends to be fragile, genius. Tap it just the right way and it can shatter.

Which is why they had a professional play it rather than just some schmuck off the street.

and here's a guy playing Hendrix on a 275 year old Stradavarius yet nobody's ever batted an eyelash.
wonder why?

Old musical instruments can be fragile?

Holy shit, someone should let these musicians know, I think they've just been throwing them against walls and stuff.

Wait wait I'm not supposed to be playing my three 110+ year saxophones?!

Sooooo . . . Not a one of you understands the difference between wood and crystal. Got it.

Fucking admit it. If the flutist was tall, blonde, and Republican, you’d be drooling all over her and defending her right to blow on a dead president’s crystal flute.

Former string player here. Wood instruments are plenty fragile. But neither a violin nor a flute is going to break from being played.

Point of clarification. Is she naked?

Yes.

Understand the difference, but simply being different doesn't mean the risk is significantly higher.

Happy to defer to your experience though, can you say what makes you think this performance came with a high level of risk, beyond just saying that the flute is crystal?

Why would Lizzo be more likely to break it?
What's wrong with her?

I get the impression he’s never actually seen/touched anything made of crystal. I think he imagines something more like very thin glass.

Nah, Lanzman wouldn't be condescending to everyone unless he had a good reason, so I'm looking forward to learning more about his experiences in this area!

One of the best things about this global communications network is the ability to learn things from experts.

Well there is an image search I can't ever take back.

You’re welcome

Clarinetist here.

Crystal flute is a non-issue in her hands.

BTW, the review is real, and is only one of the hilarious ones discovered.

you, on the other hand, understand that a violin that old is stored in a climate so controlled as to be worthy of the term "bespoke"?

why wouldn't they have given it to an at the time 25 year old known for being as shitfaced on stage as any member of Motley Crue?

I guess to answer the question though, the violin will inevitably take damage from being exposed to even a controlled atmosphere, while the crystal wind instrument will probably not be damaged without being dropped or otherwise abused.

What would you trust them with? Drawing a blank.

Depending on the crystal, it would probably take more than just dropping it on the floor. Pretty sure I have at least one scar from being hit with grandmother’s crystal vase by an asshole brother. Those things were less breakable than the china.

Is that like being stronger than paper, or better than Trump?

Oh wait, I forgot better than trump is cult leader status for the Biden Bros.

No, Lanz, the answer the judges were looking for isn't facepalm rep, it's "you know the scene in 'Swamp Thing' where Swamp Thing's super strength makes test tubes shatter in his hand no matter how hard he tries? Lizzo is Swamp Thing. I'm Lanzman. This is me, Lanzman saying this. I am Lanzman. Happy birthday. Merry Christmas. I am Lanzman. ".

I think it's hilarious that Republicans think they're scoring points by reminding us of Hunter Biden's personal fuckups.

When all it really does is remind us that when Hunter Biden went through some of the messiest, ugliest lows a human being can inflict on themselves, his dad stayed by his side the entire time.

Meanwhile, Trump doesn't like being photographed with Tiffany because he thinks she looks fat.