Discussion in 'The Workshop' started by Marso, Mar 3, 2007.
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LOTS of typos and stuff in there- like I said, that is raw off the WP without even a cursory look-back. But you get the idea.
I like it thus far. Interested in what's going on Hangar 18.
And it's always cool to read flying stuff by people who know what they're talking about.
Buck's interaction with Jennifer is going to have...ramifications, and the other Hangar-18 stuff alluded to will, after a fashion, be following old Buck right to the 25th Century.
I'm also interested in following this.
Please don't let me dangle too long.
I caught only one thing I might flag as a no-no in writing:
When you use a technical acronym, give the unfolded version first, and then pop the acro version in again as quickly as possible.
"His two assistants immediately began hooking his suit up to the Raven's ALSS (Aviation Life Support System)"
"His handlers quickly but carefully mated his suit to the attachment points of the Raven's Aviation Life Support System; if the suborbital Munin's cockpit was a surrogate womb, its ALSS was the umbilical cord."
Parentheticals -- ( and ) -- are for screenplays, not prose, and the fewer you can manage to use even in screenplay format, the better. They literally scream to the reader: "Hey! HEY! LOOK AT ME! I'M PULLING YOU OUTTA THE STORY NOW! YOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!"
What's a Buck Rogers thread without pics of Erin Grey?!?
You know, Erin Grey is the most fascinatin' kind of sex symbol -- no boobage to speak of, not much of that hip-to-waist ratio, can't say she's got much booty, either.
STILL blazin' hot despite all that. She boggles the mind and elicits the illicit salute at the same time.
EDIT: And I just discovered two things. 1. Don't ever look at current photos of a chick you had a crush on as a kid. You'll be disappointed. 2. Erin Grey was almost Captain Janeway. According to Wikipedia, she was in the top 5 for the role.
Wonder how she would have fared as Janeway. Wonder how the character would have fared as well.
Q's interest in her would have been much more understandable, for one thing.
Anyway, this is an interesting take on the Buck Rogers story so far. Area 51 and all. Good job, Marso.
If I had only one fanwank wish come true for this story, vis a vis Area 51, it would be a cameo appearance by an F-302. lol
EDIT: Awww, never mind. The (Stargate SG:1) X-302 wasn't flight tested until June '02. Somewhat ahead of Buck Rogers's 1995 time.
Erin Gray is the publicist for a number of the actors from Firefly, IIRC...
I predict Voyager would have been a smashing success with Captain Deering at the helm.
I like! More please!
More will be forthcoming, but at a slower pace. After the embarrasment of reading my unchecked, unedited raw feed and findiing all my own mistakes, future postings will be after material has seen at least one re-edit, and may be posted as pdf files so that I don't lose italics, paragraph structure, etc. Sort of like the other stuff I've posted in the past.
Saint, I haven't forgotten your cameo.
I only noticed one sort of mistake, and I consider myself a pretty decent editor. So kudos on an excellent first draft.
I typically overlook stuff like typos in a forum fic, unless they're absolutely stinkin' heinous. Yours weren't that absolutely stinkin' heinous. I only commented on the parentheticals because that's a rule I find myself breaking all too often.
I want to write more tonite, but a little St. Paddy's Day whiskey has left me feeling dead tired and muddy-headed. Buck's in the middle of an in-flight emergency, and I just cain't tackle that unless I've got my mental A-game on. Which I don't, tonite.
I know how you feel, man. Brick Danger just slugged an angry young black man who tried to rough him up; twist is, the angry young black man had been a dark-haired, olive-skinned, doe-eyed stunner of a girl just a split-second beforehand...
...but copious amounts of Bushmill's has rendered my own mind's eye a tad blurry, so I'm reelin' with the holiday spirits right along with ya.
Here's a little more for a lazy Sunday.
Update: The work is progressing.
Oh, I'm sorry. Is this not free association?
I'm into the third act of the portion of the story that's set in the 20th century. Pretty soon Buck's going to be waking up in a strange new world...
Finished Part I, 'Suspension'- basically everything that happens in the here and now.
I'll let it percolate for a day or two, go back for some editing/polishing, then put it up as a PDF file for your consumption.
Part II, 'Awakening', will be forthcoming...
Fantastic! I especially enjoy the little homages to the Gil Gerard TV series.
The detail in the flight emergency sequence is wonderfully realistic! Lots of--dare I say?--verisimilitude. Say, you don't work around aircraft, do you?
One nitpick: wouldn't the X-55's ultra-secret reconnaisance data go to the NRO (National Reconnaisance Office) rather than NORAD (North American Air Defense Command)?
I dunno, but since it's a 'black' air force project, and the subject of the mission was Chinese ICBM proliferation, I thought NORAD made sense. Those guys could always kick it over to NRO as well, I suppose. Not Buck's problem, though.
Oh, and I've revamped a bit of the spin recovery- minor changes, but stuff that was bothering me because when I read through it again after the fact, some of it was grossly inaccurate. Not that most readers would notice, but I changed it anyway. Now it's still probably innacurate but not so much.
I've been working on the polishing today, but don't want to rush it.
Separate names with a comma.