Justin Bieber challenges Tom Cruise to a UFC fight

Discussion in 'The Red Room' started by Fruitloop, Jun 11, 2019 at 1:04 PM.

  1. Fruitloop

    Fruitloop America's Ass

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  2. Ten Lubak

    Ten Lubak Salty Dog

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    Tom Cruise would fold that bitch like laundry
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2019 at 1:58 PM
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  3. Dr. Krieg

    Dr. Krieg Boner Vivant. Administrator Overlord

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    Bieber would get beat like a rented mule.
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  4. spot261

    spot261 Fresh Meat

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    I want to say eiber has all the stats in his favour, he's younger, taller and has a longer reach.

    But he's Justin Beiber and Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise, so he'd get pasted.
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  5. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    Tom Cruise does a lot of his own stunts. He's no Keanu Reeves in that regard, but unless Beiber does a lot of MMA training it could be a very close fight.
    Neither guy would gas within the first round unlike one of the most pathetic actual MMA fights in recent memory, that being Dada 5000 and Kimbo Slice (RIP) at Bellator 149. Kimbo's son is now fighting in MMA. I don't know what Dada 5000 is up to lately - probably about 350 pounds! :lol:

    https://maven.io/bjpenn/mma-news/da...ight-with-kimbo-slice-NgWJk_L5uEiMKgeb634fPw/
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  6. Tererun

    Tererun Magical Girl

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    I would not pay for it, but I would pirate it. I am personally for this as it will hurt both of them, and whoever gets their ass beat I win as the viewer.

    I say fuck that pussy MMA format, I want thunderdome rules and format. We should also have some other fights leading up to the main event. Beyoncé vs. that Grande chick, loser's fan base has to off themselves. Game of thrones cast in a true to the death battle royal. Niow that they are not doing anymore episodes there is no loss. No matter who gets the throne Teh Baba returns has to have his head impaled on a spike. Don't worry, there is little to damage there. I know it is cruel, but it needs to be done to settle the argument, Kirk vs Pickard in a battle to the death. While Shatner is still alive so we can end all the fanboy arguments forever.
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  7. Marso

    Marso High speed, low drag.

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    I guess the question I have is...why?

    Oh, and a fiver on Maverick!
  8. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    why indeed? I'd rather watch skilled professional fighters throw down, not freak show fights.
    That said if these two were incredibly uncoordinated/unskilled/mentally challenged I would watch them in a "Rough N' Rowdy" hillbilly boxing situation (google it) just for a guilty pleasure fun event.
  9. shootER

    shootER Insubordinate...and churlish Administrator

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    Despite his age and height, Cruise would wipe the floor with the wimpy Canuck.
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  10. Captain Conspiracy

    Captain Conspiracy Making Frogs Gay Again

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    I’d pay good money to see this. Make it so.
  11. Ancalagon

    Ancalagon outta my way Administrator Formerly Important

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    Yes.

    He comes from inferior stock. :bergman:
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  12. Tererun

    Tererun Magical Girl

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    Yes, but I figure Beiber could get a few good shots in before Tom realized he does not have any super thetan powers and everything he was told about xenu was a lie.
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  13. spot261

    spot261 Fresh Meat

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    If I recall rightly Tom Cruise is actually pretty handy and has quite a martial arts background. Not sure how much of it is MMA relevant, but the fact he's an all round hard ass has to be factored in.

    As for Beiber, I know he spent twenty minutes training with David Haye once, but not hard enough to get breathless and spoil the interview. Plus he'd cry the first time he got hit.
  14. Tererun

    Tererun Magical Girl

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    There is the benefit of youth. I am not totally sure about this, but hear me out. When I was beiber age I could ride roller coasters all day long, and I did not realize some of them were rough. By my thirties I noticed some of them were quite painful to ride because they rattled you around quite a bit. Today I would avoid the ones I know were going to hurt and look for the ones with a comfortable ride because the rough ones can be that harsh. I am not talking about the Gs, but rather the rough ride.

    It is just obvious at this age kids bounce and Beiber should still be on the edge of that age. Tom Cruise is well past the time when real world bumps hurt a whole lot more. That is not to mention the slowing of reactions and other ailments which would be hitting him at his age. If the kid is training, which he is capable of purchasing, I would say he may be a match for cruise since cruise has always been in simulated choreographed fights. Has cruise really had someone come after him agressively after taking a hit, or really had to deal with his opponent in a strategic way? Both of them could afford decent sparring partners.

    I would give an edge to the kid given Tom may have a glass jaw and probably has been protected from any real competition since he was young because of his scientology buddies. Everything is very image oriented there, and victories and challenges are guaranteed rather than hard.
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  15. spot261

    spot261 Fresh Meat

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    Everything you say is right.

    But we are comparing a man in his fifties who broke his foot doing this:



    (Note he carries on with the scene, including running off)

    to a kid who had his bodyguard carry him up the Great Wall of China
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  16. Tererun

    Tererun Magical Girl

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    It depends on the break of the foot. I broke my foot at a convention a few years back because of a misstep in heels. I kept going thinking it was just a very bad sprain. It was about as year later when I was at a podiatrist for other reasons that I had an Xray and was told my foot had been broken. I know when the break happened, but I was on it for the rest of the evening. It was an amazing drag show at out.con. I spent about a week babying it, wrapping it, and elevating it some times. However I never stayed completely off of it. Everything on my foot operated fine, and the Xrays showed it had healed fine also. It probably could have been better if it had been set properly, but there was no after damage, and I was not fully laid up when it happened. This would have also been during the time when I was pounding my body full of sugar and in the worst of my diabetes so any healing factors would have been lowered.

    I could have easily acted out scenes or even walked some without a limp through the pain if I wanted. I was not on pain killers either. I am just saying it is not a huge accomplishment depending on where the break was.
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  17. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    can you confirm Bieber's wimp status or making an assumption? :chris: He does pack quite a bit of muscle on his small/medium frame. I would say google some images of him shirtless but that's pretty creepy. :unsure: That said Tom Cruise packs some muscle too depending on the requirements of whatever movie he's starring in. So "tale of the tape" would indicate they are very similar in weight/height/reach. Gas tank and skill level would be the defining factor here.

    Oops another factor - Cruise does a lot of his own stunts (mentioned already) thus he may be more used to dealing with the often energy draining effects of adrenaline - the infamous "adrenaline dump" that can hit without warning.

    That said would either man risk having a fucked up face/hands for a few weeks just for a few minutes of fun? :shrug: I would like to think so! :yes:
    What man would pass up this opportunity? All the money could go to charity too. Everybody wins! Pull the trigger on this fight today!
  18. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    You have first hand experience in making Justin cry? :chris: Please tell me it involves school boy uniforms and cricket bats! :drool:
  19. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    Also Justin had (maybe still has) a pet monkey. Maybe his monkey taught him ancient shit-flinging techniques! There is no specific rule against flinging your own shit at an opponent. That said now there is a rule (it was inevitable) saying if you shit yourself or vomit the fight is stopped and you lose.
    Damn good rule right there! :lol:
  20. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    Tererun's roller coaster comment made me :lol:
    I actually get nauseated & dizzy riding in an elevator. :sigh: But I can fly around in a helicopter all day and feel great - go figure! But I did have a couple of toes broken/cut so badly they were almost severed.
  21. spot261

    spot261 Fresh Meat

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    First hand?

    Dear God no security keep stopping me whenever I get near.

    As for broken toes, I have one healing right now, they're not much fun :(
  22. spot261

    spot261 Fresh Meat

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    Idric Elba did it, so there's that...
  23. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    little toes are not a big deal. Big toe is a huge deal! :no: But nothing compares to stubbing your toe when you are barely awake. :shakefist:
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  24. spot261

    spot261 Fresh Meat

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    Left big toe, I was off sick anyway and decided to demolish the car port....
  25. Tererun

    Tererun Magical Girl

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  26. Tererun

    Tererun Magical Girl

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    I am pretty sure my brain has it in for those pinky toes. Sometimes it just seems like the foot goes out of it's way to try and knock that little fucker off.
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  27. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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  28. Tererun

    Tererun Magical Girl

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    I guess that means in beiber's case UFC stands for Ultimate fucking chicken. Or perhaps Ultimate Fail Canadian?
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  29. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    Ultimate Fudgpacking Championship? Actually that would apply to Tom more than likely (who knows with those Scientology weirdos?)