What the fuck is this little fucker doing to my fucking porch???

Discussion in 'The Green Room' started by Forbin, Nov 12, 2017 at 5:21 PM.

  1. Forbin

    Forbin Do you feel fluffy, punk?

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    JEP_1007.jpg

    Maw, pass me the squirrel gun!

    The little fuckers have been doing this for a few years now. WTF???
  2. Mrs. Albert

    Mrs. Albert demented estrogen monster

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    Aww he's cute!
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  3. garamet

    garamet Freelancer

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    Squirrels are not cute. They're just rats with furry tails. :brood:
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  4. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    hmmm......whatever it's chewing on (treated wood) could be toxic. Normally squirrels are satisfied with acorns & whatnot. This is the equivalent of dogs drinking antifreeze. Maybe there are things you can coat the wood with that taste bad might deter them from chewing on the wood. When I was deer hunting today I had a very curious squirrel come up behind me & chatter into my ear for ten minutes non-stop. Then it left to go eat some acorns, then came back right at me & chattered some more. Then it climbed up above me & dropped acorns on me until it finally realized I was not going away anytime soon, and it left in pursuit of more acorns.
  5. ed629

    ed629 Morally Inept Banned

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    Could be the wood has a taste they like, or they could be using it to keep their teeth trim by chewing.
  6. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    It depends on the type of squirrel. Fox squirrels are cool looking. Abert squirrels (Arizona high country) have awesome tails and are HUGE if you want to eat them. Red squirrels (upper mid-west & into Alaska) are very annoying. Grey squirrels are a-dime-a-dozen but fun to watch and once you learn how to read them can tell you when deer are getting near you.
    Here are pics (in the order I talked about them) for you animal lovers!

    fox.jpg abert.jpg red.jpg gray.jpg
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  7. shootER

    shootER Insubordinate...and churlish Administrator

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    Squirt a little OC spray on that area and I bet he'll stop chewing on it.
  8. Mrs. Albert

    Mrs. Albert demented estrogen monster

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    I only ever see the red ones around here. They are crazy cute! Their little hands are just the best. :wub:
  9. garamet

    garamet Freelancer

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    Ah, yes, those little hands -!

    NYC has mostly gray squirrels (think I may have seen a few black ones in Central Park). They got into the attic of our house in Staten Island through a soft spot in the siding (it was between the roof and the gutter, so you couldn’t see it from ground level, and proceeded to run up and down on the loose planking every night, giggling hysterically (this is how I found out they’re primarily nocturnal).

    Eventually those cute little hands tore out enough siding so they could bring the entire family – pissing, shitting, fucking, destroying everything in their path. Those electronic “squirrel-chasers” didn’t faze them; they’d just knock them over. I got a Hav-a-Heart trap and ended up catching one a day, which had to be relocated to a park over a mile away or they’d find their way back.

    In the meantime, we’d hired a contractor to repair the siding. The little bastids pried it loose, dropped it in the side yard, and resumed their festivities.

    When we were selling the house, we warned the new owners about the squirrels. They said they never saw or heard a single squirrel. Repatched the siding, end of story.

    It’s gotta be me. I’ve had trouble with them here in SoCal as well, but at least they’re not running around over my head at 2 a.m. making more little rats with furry tails. :mad:
  10. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    black squirrels are just a different color phase of gray squirrels - just like cinnamon colored black bears. Same species, just a recessive gene thing.
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  11. TheBurgerKing

    TheBurgerKing The Monarch of Flavor

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    have pellet gun, will travel. :bergman:
  12. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    pellet gun? Squirrels are tougher than you think. Not saying it won't kill them, but one shot might not do it. I don't think Forbin's wife & neighbors would appreciate a dying squirrel flopping around. Trust me, skin one one to cook it and you will see they are rock solid muscle despite their tiny size. They are like a tiny Bruce Lee!

    Rabbits on the other hand are (pound-for-pound) much less tough and easier to kill with a pellet gun. Rabbits taste better too.
  13. mburtonk

    mburtonk mburtonkulous

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    Prospect Park has some black ones as well.
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  14. Forbin

    Forbin Do you feel fluffy, punk?

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    My elderly Mom popped a squirrel that was in her bird feeder with her Crossman pump. She only gave it two pumps to scare it away. Even at low power, killed the fucker in one. Must'a been a wimpy squirrel.
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  15. Forbin

    Forbin Do you feel fluffy, punk?

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    And would you believe I can't access this thread at work because it has fuck in the title? The firewall warning comes back "Reason: Sex site."
    :jayzus:
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  16. TheBurgerKing

    TheBurgerKing The Monarch of Flavor

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    You haven't seen my 10 pump pellet gun.
  17. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    she might have hit him in the head. Otherwise they can take some abuse before they expire.
  18. Forbin

    Forbin Do you feel fluffy, punk?

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    He flopped around for a little while. She cried. :(
  19. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 light & lethal

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    the squirrel might be chewing on the wood because it's the perfect texture & hardness to sharpen or trim his teeth. Just like beavers have to keep chewing to keep their teeth from getting too big. But I'm no squirrel expert, I just play one on TV. :yes:
  20. Forbin

    Forbin Do you feel fluffy, punk?

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    But shirley there has to be something near the ground to chew for that, where he doesn't have to climb 15 feet up a pine tree, leap across to the gutter and climb over to this very corner of my porch roof. The neighborhood is full of trees - and other porches and decks.
  21. garamet

    garamet Freelancer

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    You're familiar with the term "squirrelly"? This is why. :yes:
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