Conversation Stoppers

"Why is it so hard to find a knife thin enough to go between ribs but not so weak it breaks on a vertebrae?"

NO WAIT: I just thought about this. Old-timers will remember this:

"Well, my broker is E.F. Hutton..."

Hehehe....

My friend Andrew's: "So there I was, knee deep in a twelve-year old's ass..."

Some others:

Guest: "This is delicious, what's in it?"

Host: in creepy Hannibal voice "Well Im afraid if I told you, you wouldnt eat it."

"KILL WHITY!"

"Few people know that the best marinades come from the urine of farm animals."

"Mmm, you can smell the almonds, it's delicious."
"I didn't use almonds. Smells like vengence."

"Ever had Soylent Green?"

"Nothing is quite as good as fresh squeezed pony testicles."

And so forth...

If I come up with more, I'll post them.

"So, I was reading on this internet message board..."

^hahahaa

OOH! "So just how much porn can a person have before it's considered unhealthy?"

Hey man. I don't wanna sound like a queer or anything, but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band.

start coughing, clutch your chest (exploding the fake blood packet hidden there), fall on the table and scream, "IT'S COMING OUT!"

yes sir, that would stop me

"Can you hammer a six-inch iron spike with your penis?"

A homework assignment eh? Hope this helps!

• You know you don’t really have to wipe every time
• Hitler was just misunderstood
• Suppositories should be ribbed
• Does this look infected to you?
• Instead of two smaller boobs I’d prefer one giant one in the middle

My boss once saw me rush in and out of the bathroom before a meeting. Being a woman who CAN'T go to the bathroom that quickly, she was amazed at my speed. I took her hand and kissed it and said "I skipped washing my hands."

^ aw, how romantic.
hahaha

Yeah, held her hand out like a dead fish for half the meeting.

So can anyone else taste the urine in this?

'So what do (your) orgasms feel like?' (Perhaps preceded by: 'Mom, dad...")

"You don't sweat much for a fat chick."

'I killed the neighbor.'

'We found meth in Susie's room last night.'

"So, I was banging these three guys/girls, and I couldn't help but notice one of them looked like you.'

"My head is made of pudding."
*bends slightly and inclines head towards other person*
"Wanna lick it?"

"I just wanted to invite you to the pants party."

*lays head on person next to them* i have lice.


so...apparently herpes is contagious.

I was recently voted "most likely to spread herpes through talking".

Have you ever considered using nuclear powered sex toys?

Your twat smells like a baby's coffin.

Walking with a girl from my art class back in high school, when I strove to shock and had nothing to lose:

Me: So, are you a virgin?
Her: Well, wha, I, that's none of--
Me: Can I found out?

Didn't work. oh well.