Anger Rising: Or Why Can't Girls Just Come To A Concensus?

So The Girl is having a slumber party, which means I have like 8 11-12 year old girls in my house. They decided they wanted pizza and being the moderately cool parent/uncle/guardian I am, I agreed. Just tell me what you want. They started barking orders at me and I told them to come up with a written version of what they want on 4 large pizzas. They went away for half an hour. They just came back. The list:

One pepperoni with extra extra extra cheese and sausage on one quarter and ham on one quarter with pineapple
One veggie lovers with extra extra extra cheese
One veggie lovers with extra extra extra cheese with no olives on one half no green peppers on the other half and no onions at all
One cheese with extra extra extra extra cheese.

I mean, what the fuck is wrong with just extra cheese and pepperoni? Why are girls so difficult? They've asked for pizza, extra blankets, soda, towels, to use the phone, had someone call my cell, to use my other computer, taken over my living room, and gone through two rolls of Charmin since 5pm.

And the poor The Boy has been all but forced to stay in either his bedroom or my bedroom or the barn all evening.

I understand why some animals eat their young.

Never give children to option to CUSTOMIZE. -_-

My advice is to allow your kids to have friends over, but just limit the number.

Once you get too many rugrats running around they destroy the place.

Yeah.

Give them a few choices, don't let them come up with something on their own. That way they still feel they are getting what they want but you don't have to deal with some crazy shit.

For example, don't ask a little kid what socks she/he wants to wear, just pull out two pairs and ask which one he/she wants.

You made the mistake of asking what they wanted. Of COURSE they'll sit down and work out exactly what they feel like eating!

What you SHOULD have done, is either say "Do you want pizza?" "yes" then:

Which of these pizzas do you want?
OR
You can have four pizzas, with 6 extra toppings, decide and come back to me.


Don't claim when you're given full choice on things (when you're normally not), that you don't try and make the most of it!!

And girlie sleepover, since the dawn of time, has meant "say goodbye to the livingroom". Unless the bedroom is big enough and has a TV.

Aaah, men.

Yes, I hate menu variations. I'm a "keep it simple" guy.

Yeah, but these aren't toddlers. They're preteens who surely can come up with a pizza menu that doesn't take a PhD in aerospace engineering to get right.

Naw, the numbers don't matter...you can have just two kids and they'll still argue over what they want.

I don't the whole slumber party pizza debacle...I sympathize with you JCD.

My parents?

Them: "You want pizza?"
Me: "Yeah" (is reading)
Them: "Pepperoni?"
Me: "Yep."
Them: "Coke ok?"
Me: "Yeah."
Them: "K, see you after we're home from work."
Me: "Later". (has not looked up from book)

If your answer for what kind of pizza do you want takes more than five words, you can't have it!

Yeah, the trick is to fool them into thinking they have a choice, but really just letting them decided between two of your choices.

Yes, but why should they? It's not like THEY'RE having anything to do with it once they've handed you the details!

I mean, if I was told I could have any food I wanted right now, I would think about it, and then make sure it was very precise. Possibly a steak and onion baguette, with a burrito, and some prawn tempura.

If I was asked if I wanted some pasta, salami, and sauce, I would say yes. But if I could have ANYTHING, why wouldn't I get the best one?

The mistake I made is that when I order pizza I want simple: extra cheese, pepperoni. I forget that other people want other things. In this case, those other people include tweens that seem to exist solely to piss off me with complicated pizza orders.

Who the hell gets toppings on one-quarter of a pizza?

Never worked fast food, but if I did and I got that order, I'd sprinkle the pie with sack sweat.

By the way, what did The Boy order? Points if it takes less than four words to describe, -50 DKP otherwise.

The Boy and me are sharing Extra Cheese and Pepperoni. Pizza the way God himself eats it.

And we ordered some cinnamon breadsticks for just the two of us. The girls get none of them.

No Anchovie Please. If you get this reference, you are "The Man"
in the world of rock music trivia.

You'll get anchovies AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!

Depending on how many people there are, if one person is insisting on something that no-one else wants (for instance the evil pineapple chunks, or the delicious olives), it means they get to have it without it touching the rest of the pizza. Many 8-11 year old girls are only going to want to eat a quarter anyway.

Nobody remember the "No Anchovies Please"?

Ugh. I never had sleepovers. A: My dad was a teacher and having a bunch of students sleep over landed him in prison once already. B: I had no girlfriends, and I couldn't convince my dad to let me have 5 guys sleep over. He said something about a Jezebel.

Nah. If you're busy you just refuse quarter toppings, if you aren't though you get to charge extra for a few seconds extra work.

If a list of pizza toppings gets you so worked up, I am hoping you are not a Doctor or anything remotely important.

Oh, the mere idea of that much extra cheese makes me want to vomit and my heart to sieze up in sympathy cardiac pains.

I think to even things out, you should head up the bedroom around 3am to show the girls your new chainsaw and hockey mask.

Girls? Consensus?

My girl is three and I've learned this lesson already.

You're not very good at this are ya Jeff?

Yeeeaah....they're girls. Get used to it, the uterus's primary function is to complicate your (as the nearest male) shit up. It's only going to get worse from here. Oh....how it will get worse.

One day, my son, you will long for the simple, halcyon days of complicated pizza engineering.

No shit. I mean, as much as I'd love to call Storm or Evenflow "Dad", I just can't wait around long enough for their kids to turn 18. And Mewa doesn't make enough to support me. But 11? I can wait around 7 years if it means becoming heir to the Cooper porn and marijuana fortune.










(I'm going to Hell for even joking about that, ain't I? )

The SPECIAL Hell. [/Book]

What? I said I'd wait for her to turn 18.