How do you tell a kid their pet is dying?

Don't mean to be morbid, but need some advice.

For those of you who don't read my Blue Room thread, it's become apparent that the family pet, Cricket--a 16.5-year-old grey tabby--is not long for this world. He's got a growth under his tongue that is likely an aggressive cancer, and he's stopped eating. A trip to the vet last Saturday helped him get through the past several days, but we've run out of the pain meds that were prescribed, and he's back to not eating again.

We've told the boys a little of the situation, but haven't truly let on how grave it is for the cat. Well, my 12-year-old figured it out late last night, and was a mess of tears. Which was rather surprising, since he's never really been outwardly affectionate to the cat.

The issue is how to deal with telling my youngest, who is 9-years-old, and who LOVES the cat. It's going to be VERY HARD on him. Luckily, it's pretty obvious once one looks at the facts. We are thinking of telling him later today.

Any advice on how best to deal with this would be appreciated. The "take the cat to the vet and 'oops, he never returned'" tactic has already been discussed and rejected. I favor a gentle break-the-news-in-a-factual-way approach. We will definitely need to give kiddo some time to say goodbye.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

You answered your own question. Break the news in a gentle but factual way, and let the kids say goodbye. If that cat is in pain, it also needs to go to the vet and be peacefully put to rest.

Death is a part of life- kids can't be shielded from it forever. Then, when the pain eases at some point in the future, bring home a couple kittens and let the magic start all over again.

It is the great...circle of life.

I definitely wouldn't just let the cat disappear without a word being said. I would probably set him down, let him hold the cat if it's up for it, and just let him know the truth. That the cat is dying and that it's ok to be said, but explain to him that soon he will not be suffering any longer.

I don't envy you one bit.

I don't envy you! Our kids are extremely attached to our cats, and we've had one for just about 8 years now.

It's never easy to say goodbye to a pet. I cried like a baby when we put my kitty to sleep a few months ago. And again when we had to put my dog to sleep only about a month later.

The hurt can't be avoided. I went through it when I was a little kid too. Your kids are gonna have to deal with it one way or the other, so I think it'd be better to let them know ahead of time, so they can prepare for it.

Take him to the vet with you, let the vet explain the situation and let the lad be with the cat while it's euthanised. Short term agony, but in the longer term he'll find it far easier to accept, and it also lets him see that death isn't anything to be frightened of, as it's a very gentle way to go.
No euphemisms, just simple explanation. It's what we did with daughter, and it's incredibly painful at the time, but it does ease the grief in the long run.

I think this is definitely one of the best ways to handle the situation. I wish my parents had handled things differently when my pet was sick/died as a kid.

Let us know how everything turns out!

Indeed. Explain what is happening, that the cat is in pain and, if possible, let the kid be there when the pet is put to sleep. Also a good time to explain the concept of death.

You euthanized her?




Black humor. Sorry!

OMG! You're BLACK?!

If it was my kid, I would make him set and watch old yeller with me and then at the end I would explain how things are and that cricket is not going to make it very much longer. I feel for you and your family. My kitty is 15 and I worry about her, she is on BP meds and went blind but can now see again. I don't know how I am going to deal with it when the time comes. I sleep with that cat every night, she's my buddy.

Is that the latest Jackie Chan movie?

Worst part about all of this is that Cricket was extremely healthy until the past month or so. He was never a fat cat, but he'd actually gained a little weight in the past year. It's just so shocking to see how fast he's gone downhill!

Talked to the vet last night. Gonna have a talk w/ the kiddo this morning, then set an appointment probably for tomorrow afternoon to have Cricket put down. Many tears will ensue shortly, I'm sure.

Our last cat was about 13 and he just collasped and died in front of me, very abruptly. I mean, five minutes before it happened he was just fine. He walked into the kitchen where I was, lay down on the floor and started to spasm, and peed right where he was, laying down. My wife scrambled to make an emergency call to the vet, and he was gone before the conversation was even over. That cat literally died in my arms.

Actually, in hindsight it wasn't the worst way to go, I suppose. No pain, no lingering illnesses, just quick and sudden, and surrounded by the people that love you. Hell, I wouldn't mind going similar to that when it's my time. Still though, sucked pretty hard for us.

Could you maybe do it without the peeing? Someone will have to clean that up, ya know!



Update: Told the kiddo. He reacted a lot less than I'd anticipated. Either he knew more than he let on, or it's gonna hit later. The final vet appointment is made for late afternoon tomorrow. We've got until then to say goodbye, at least.

I said similar, not exactly.

Just be honest with them. That's all the advice I can give.

Good luck.

Be aware that the grief and confusion may manifest in unexpected ways down the line. A friend of mine died a few months ago. Her son (also 9) seems fine superficially, but there are strong undercurrents at work.

That doesn't mean he doesn't sometimes try to pull the "please let me go to Chuck-E-Cheese--I miss mommy" routine on his dad once in a while, though.

Sit down with him and watch "Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan".

You could also introduce hour son to the joys of model rocketry if a backyard funeral isn't feasible.

I remember one time when I was really young, like pre-kindergarten, I found out the family dog was about to die when my dad took it behind the barn to shoot it. Before that, I found out our kittens had been killed by the dog.

While every parent is tempted by this at one point or another, I don't think Linda R. ever went THAT far.

Why is it that I always hear that the drug for animal euthanasia at vets or shelters is painful?

Can't they come up with a better, less painful way to put an animal down these days?

Put it under anesthesia first or dose it with painkillers?

Invent a different drug?

I just don't get why there isn't a less painful method...

Is it just because they think "Well, it's just an animal..."

I know I wouldn't want my last seconds in this 'verse to be in agony if it could be avoided...

^Never had an experience like that. When Ben died a few weeks ago, he hardly even noticed the needle going in and just drifted off to sleep. It was very peaceful.

How you holding up Nautica?

The deed will be done today at ~3:30 PM. We got two final doses of painkillers for him, so he could at least eat a little something and be pain-free his last couple of days. I'm okay, but I know I'm gonna miss having him around to curl up on my lap while I'm watching TV, sleep at the foot of the bed, etc.... It'll probably be hardest just not having him around. My Youngest has been only minimally affected, but I've got a feeling it'll hit him later. My Eldest has been crying at bedtime for the past 3 nights.

The youngest probably won't absorb it until later on. The best you can do is just comfort him and let him know it's ok to be sad and miss the cat. But also let him know that he isn't hurting anymore either.

Well, the kitty is gone. Many tears were shed by the family, and there is an empty spot in the house now, but we'll be fine.

Thanks to all for your advice and sympathy!

Now go watch "The Search for Spock" and pick up a new kitten.

But we shot the ashes of the old one onto the Genesis planet--won't that do the trick?

Great.

So which one of your kids is carrying the kitty's katra?