Have any of you ever had a problem convincing people that their eating style was wrong, and if you're 50-100 lbs over weight, something has to change? Ever since basically changing my lifestyle, I've seen the effect it has had on me, and have tried, effortlessly to convince my parents, my grandparents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles....basically my whole intermediate family, and extended family, that our family has a history of obesity, and something has to change. And not only that, but we have a history of heart problems. My grandfather alone has had 6 heart attacks, two of which were almost fatal. Yet, he did the whole diet thing for 6 months, lost 40 lbs, then went back to normal and gained that 40 lbs back. I guess in a way its more frustrating then anything. Just today, they were talking about water, and how they read a 'report'....where someone had said drinking too much water will cause massive kidney failure. Now, I drink more water than two of them combined....almost 12-15 cups per day, and outside of a rampant use of the bathroom, I've never had a problem. But its impossible to convince them....they believe that too much water is going to kill them, and thats where it ends. Secondly....they don't want to be told that they're eating wrong. I've had to change my eating style....incredibly. And it has resulted in weight loss. And everytime one of my family asks how I lost almost 50 lbs by now....I just tell them its a lifestyle change. Yet, when it comes down to what 'actually' has to be changed, they don't listen. And ALL of them, except one of my brothers is obese. Not only overweight, but obese. Is it worth it? I can understand how I can be annoying....nobody wants to hear that consuming almost 300 carbs per meal is bad for you, and when you've formed the opinion that protein, not carbs turns into fat....what could I possibly say to change that? I've even talked to a dietitian, and asked her if she could come talk to them(my family)....and she gladly would, but my family wants none of it. I think my biggest problem is the fact that for 18 years of my life, I became severely overweight. Shot up to almost 270 lbs at age 17, and nobody, not in my family anyways, told me that I had to change something. Instead, it took one of my friends to push me into exercising....and eating right. And I'm grateful...for what she did, and because I love my family, I want to pass it on. Yet, constantly I'm met with the 'I know better than you' attitude, despite me being the one who has successfully lost weight, and them being ones who just constantly talk about it, and never get something done. And to top that all off.....they believe just about every 'fad' or 'diet' that comes along, and try it for a month.....don't get the results they want, and go back to their 'normal' lifestyle. My youngest brother is turning out like I did....already obese, little to no exercise, and despite all my effort in trying to get him started eating right, my mom for one, is constantly telling him its alright....he'll loose the weight when he grows up. I know people don't want to be told about being 'wrong'....and that something has to change, but does it have to be THIS hard? I'm almost to the point where I'm just going to give up. When my dad becomes incapable of moving because his knees can't support his massive weight anymore, or when my grandfather finally has that fatal heart attack because he refuses to control his cholesterol....maybe then they'll listen. But now....hell, it ain't worth arguing over.
It's a problem. If they can't look at you and say, "Gee, what's he doing right that I'm doing wrong?" then words aren't going to convince them. I've got relatives like that. They start out slim, but after 40-50 years when the only exercise they get is pushing themselves away from the table after the third helping plus dessert, they've got this little mantra they recite: "Oh, you know how it is. You get to a certain age and you just can't help gaining weight." My brother's one of them. He's 4.5 years younger than I am, used to be downright skinny, but somewhere in his 40s he turned Dilbert shaped. Now, my BMI is 21.5, because I work at it. Not a fitness nut, but I try to get some exercise every day, and I watch what I eat. So he gets up from the table to get another beer and he's making the speech, and I've reached the "certain age" almost five years before he did, and I asked him, "So, when is that 'certain age'? 'cause I only weigh 10 lbs more than I did in high school, and I need to know when to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe for when I start to look like you." His wife - who's been trying to get him to knock off the junk food for years - almost choked. Little brother was not amused. It's a heartbreaker, I know. But you're right - you can't change them, and maybe it'll take a family tragedy to wake them up, but even that might not do it. Just keep setting and example. Maybe some of the younger ones - nieces, nephews, cousins coming up - will take the hint.
I still think the idea of leading by example is better than trying to tell people they were wrong. It took a pretty patient friend to help me figure out that I needed to change. Sure I can help my brother, influence him on what to eat, exercise, stuff like that....but I can't force people to change when they don't want too. I guess what gets me so much is the fact that they don't even KNOW what is wrong with what they're eating. IMO, schools should be required to teach a nutrition class.
Agreed 100%. Schools used to teach some basic nutrition - to girls, in home ec class. Don't know if there was ever anything concomitant for boys. But schools in the U.S. at least are so strapped for funds that they can't even try to teach anything beyond the basics anymore, and most of that is geared toward the testing required by NCLB. Given the wide range of ethnicities in the U.S. and Canada, and the ethnic foods and ways of cooking that people bring with them - nutrition that's adequate if you're doing heavy manual labor, but bad if you're sitting at a desk - with the addition of fast food and high-fructose corn syrup, kids not only don't know what they should eat, but they're enticed to eat bad stuff at every turn. And a lot of schools, at least in this country, have contracts with vending machine companies that offer junk food on school property. Then there are school lunches - heavy on the carbs and fried food. But as soon as someone says "Hey, let's replace the Coke machine with juice and the chips with fruit or granola bars," people start screaming "nannyism!!!!" Yes, in an ideal world, parents would (A) know about nutrition and (B) feed their kids properly, but where do you start? If the parents can't or won't, it falls to the larger society. An example that still makes me shudder: When my son was in junior high, one of his friends who'd been overweight all his life decided he'd had enough of the girls' calling him Fatass, and put himself on a Slim-Fast diet. His mother got all upset. "Oh, Jimmy! That little milkshake isn't enough lunch for a big boy like you! Here, let me heat up a pizza to go with it." Jimmy's 31 now, still overweight and already pre-diabetic.
I had an appointment today with my doctor, as I did a blood test last week to make sure everything was good. We talked a bit about influencing the family, and he said that as a doctor, because people respect his opinion, its easier for him to simply TELL someone that they better start changing, or else. But he also said that there are people who THEN think they know better than the doctor, and refuse to go back to him anymore. I want to bang my head too. Bang it everytime I see someone smoke, everytime I see a morbidly obese person eat fast food, or everytime I hear someone tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. Its frustrating beyond anything....I called my mom up after the appointment and told her thanks for not telling me shit all about being healthy when I was younger. Now, at 19 years old, I have blood pressure issues, and cholesterol problems already. Sure, they are manageable, but only because I have made the commitment to lead a healthier lifestyle. My doctor pretty bluntly told me that because my family ALREADY has a history of heart problems, being 270 lbs at age 18 would have almost certainly led to a heart attack at a very young age. Especially because I wasn't exactly 'fixing' anything. Now, I have the chance to fight my heart problems....and beat it. But no thanks to my parents, who still live in their ignorance to this day.
^Ouch! I didn't realize you were so young. And you don't have an easy road ahead of you. But sometimes negative role models - i.e. family members - are better than none at all. All you have to do is conjure one of them in your mind and tell yourself, No way am I going to end up like that! It's a great motivator.
It certainly is making me stronger in accomplishing my goals. I think I have a severe problem though. Watching someone shop for groceries today at the local Wal-Mart....I almost walked up and told them the crap they were buying wasn't exactly 'healthy.'
So I was thinking about this some more, and realized this about people who refuse to bend. Their lifestyles are neurologically rewarding and collectively reinforced. If they've always been out of shape, and if the entire family is in the same situation, particularly when it is cross-generational, then change seems like an impossibility to them; it must be genetics, this is simply their lot in life, etc. Proper nutrition and exercise are maligned while crash diets, food fads, and other insanity is promoted as "the way". When the crash diets inevitably fail and the weight tumbles back on, the notion that change is impossible / not worthwhile / unnecessary is reinforced. It's an incredibly difficult barrier to break through. If an individual tries to break the mold, they are often scolded/scorned as their improvements challenge the collective security and comfort of the group. If the individual succeeds, the worldview of the group is challenged/invalidated. Change in this case means trading in things that are familiar/rewarding/safe (the food, the sloth, etc.) for things that are new/challenging/unknown (proper nutrition, exercise) -- such a trade can be a frightening prospect.
A few years back, I was two dress sizes bigger than I am now. Not really fat, because I'm tall, but bigger than I should have been. I'm now back to the size I was when I got married, and feel a lot better for it - it's been mostly exercise and cutting back on alcohol, rather than dieting. Various family members, who've been trying and failing to lose weight for years, keep telling me I'm too thin and need to put some weight back on. I keep telling them: I'm not going without anything; I eat healthily - but they'd rather have a dig at me than change anything in their own life (one joined a gym two months ago and still hasn't been there since signing up ). You just can't help some people. Sad, but true.
Unless people really want to lose weight and put all the effort into it then there really is not a lot you can do. It's hard enough when people really WANT to do it, trying to get someone to get healthy when they dont is near impossible. We've been trying to get my dad in better shape for years now. But good luck to you.
Its also as if my dad is intentionally being unhealthy just to piss me off. He's been gouging lately on ice cream, candy, fast food....just unhealthy stuff. And there is nothing I can do.
Yeah I know how you feel. My dad's always been obese (at least since his early 30's) and with the health problems his family had/has I'm constantly worried for him. He was diagnosed with diabettes about 3 years ago so he started walking and eating a bit healthier and actually dropped a bit of weight, but since then he's gone to eating junk again, although he still doesn't eat candy or any really sugary stuff, including cokes, which is good at least.
Same here. About a year ago my dad actually DID starting eating healthy...and dropped around 40 lbs. And then suddenly he just QUIT....now he doesn't seem to care anymore.
I'm guessing he doesn't get regular medical checkups, but if you could possibly drag him to the doctor, some thyroid tests would be a good idea. Hypothyroidism is rarer in men than in women, but it could be a contributing factor to his (A) gaining the weight back (well, in addition to his eating habits) and (B) giving up. Testing for depression would be a good thing, too, but he'd probably be even more resistant to that than to a physical checkup.
He actually does go to the doctor for a regular checkup.....but the doctor perscribes him pills for his blood pressure issues, instead of telling him to lose weight. IMO, I think doctors are getting more and more politically correct everyday. Unless you specifically come and ASK for help with your weight problems, they're not going to TELL you to lose weight. Especially in a day and age where there are pills for everything.
Azure, you have my respect and sympathy. My mother and father are both tremendously healthy. I can not imagine not having my father in my side of the ring when it comes to being fit: he's a marathon runner.
Well, Mom is now diabetic and Dad is borderline diabetic. I went to the doctor recently for a checkup and blood test to check my cholestoral. My cholestoral was slightly elevated and I had put on about 4 lbs. At the moment, I'm trying to talk myself into going for a walk this evening or getting on the treadmill in the house for a few minutes. It's not easy when everyone at work wants junk food at lunch. I guess I'll have to start bringing my lunch again.
Yep, bringing your own lunch solves a lot of problems. Exercising is the best thing you can do to lower your cholesterol.
So the family ordered in KFC the other night....not something I like, but not something I'd go out of my way to be a prick about and complain. I just ate a small amount, no fries....felt good afterwards. The problem was that despite what I did, my whole family, outside of my mom ate like a bunch of pigs. Seriously, what the hell can I do? Fries are killer....loaded with calories, very little nutritional value, and it just happened to be the one part of the meal where they made sure there was LOTS of. I don't have a problem with eating out every once in a while; I order pizza a couple times a month too and go on a binge. But I know exactly what I'm getting, and I'm still loosing weight. But my family, specifically my brother just eat, eat, eat. He's already over 200 lbs, age 14. I was actually heavier at that age, but a good 3 inches higher, so it wasn't so noticeable. But it seems like my mom uses the fact that I was heavier as a justification for my brother to keep eating the same way. Pisses me off to no end. It also doesn't help when my other brother can eat whatever the hell he wants and not gain a pound. If there is 'one' thing I don't like about being a healthy person, its the fact that I always look at what OTHER people are eating, and think to myself or out loud how healthy/unhealthy it is. I work close to an A&W in town, and everyday I see the same obese guy eating there 3 times. Just horrible. At least I'm getting somewhere. I guess being a caring person, I always want to help people get healthy, and 90% of the time it turns out bad.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink... Old adages sometimes fit the bill perfectly. Until your relatives want to get fit, it ain't gonna happen.
Don't know how valid it is, but there's all sorts of literature out there about how obese people don't get the same "I'm full" signals that average-size people get, so they don't know when to stop eating. I do know a lot of times people eat because they're bored, because they're lonely, because something else is missing in their lives and they try to fill it with food.
I agree simply because I was like that once. I basically had to 'train' myself to eat correctly. Hard, but worth it. The 'hard' part scares a lot of people. Frankly, like I've said before MANY times, a lot of people, especially obese ones have a hard time finding the motivation to stay committed for the rest of their lives.
My dad is being a real ass about this lately. Anytime I eat ice cream, eat out...we have family dinner and I'll have a beer, something like that, he always has a smartass comment of how I exercise, try to eat healthy, try to be a healthy person, and yet I'm drinking a beer. And he's over 100 lbs overweight....has blood pressure, and all sorts of other problems. Is it strange that I'm suddenly to the point where I WISH something serious would happen to him so that he would see the errors of his ways? Last night we were talking about fast food, and I mentioned how it is chemically enhanced to taste better and some people feel, even be addictive. My dad in turns starts railing on about how our water is also chemically enhanced, and I still drink it. Hell, he says I drink it more water than he does in 5 days. Are people THAT ignorant? The guy who did 'SuperSize Me' said he asked a few people on the street if they knew what a calorie was, and most of them had no clue. And those that did, had no clue what it meant to cut calories in order to lose weight. One day the obesity rate is going to climb to 85%+ and all the families of that fatasses who will be dying all over the country will be suing God knows who for not 'telling' them how harmful fast food can be. Personal responsibility is but a mere myth now. Everytime I see a fat slob at the local Mickey D's feed their kids Big Mac Combo meals I want to go postal on their fat ass and teach them a lesson of how they're effectively ruining not only their lives, but their children's lives too. Jesus.
Wouldn't surprise me. I know that I'll be eating and it'll seem like I can and should eat more and more. Then, afterwards, I get the "Ohhh, you've eaten too much" signal loud and clear. Not fun. This is it for me. I feel lonely most of the time, but when I'm eating, I don't feel that way...for those few moments, at least. And it's such a destructive cycle too, because in order to more easily make aquaintences (or actually get a girlfriend), I need to lose weight. But because I feel lonely, I then do something that totally counteracts what I need to do to prevent myself from being lonely! And, y'know, it's something I've been working on. I've been trying. A half-hour a day of vigorous exercise and eating good-for-you sort of fare. And it's been going OK. But I'll just hit one of my lonely nights (like tonight) and fuck it right up.
People don't like big changes. Small changes, however, they barely notice. If you want to help your family, I'd suggest starting with your younger brother. You said he barely exercises. I assume you do, since you're losing weight, so why not invite him along with you? You're the older brother, he probably looks up to you. Get him playing sports, hiking, whatever you do. As far as he's concerned, he wont be losing weight, he'll be having fun. As for the rest of your family, I don't really know. Can you cook? Can you cook something healthy they'll enjoy, something that the family will want mom to make again sometime? I used to make prepackaged garbage for dinner most nights until my new girlfriend offered to make stir-fry. Now I'm eating smaller portions of lean meats and vegetables, and I didn't even think about it. Carrots generally work better than sticks.
One night doesn't 'fuck it up'....unless we're talking about an EXTREME binge. I eat pretty good too, and usually Saturday or Sunday night I'll treat myself. Personally I think wanting be healthy shouldn't turn you into a food Nazi. There is a huge difference between allowing yourself to eat some pizza, ice cream, stuff like that once in a while....and just gouging on it all week long. People get obese because they do the latter. Keep up the exercise, and check your heart rate. If you have the motivation to REALLY succeed, work your heart rate up to the point where you're hitting 75% of the maximum for around 20 min. HIIT they call it, and studies have shown that people who do that compared to something like just sitting on the bike and biking for 45 min usually lose more fat. Even if they burn less calories during that session, the idea behind HIIT is too get your metabolism pumping so that you burn calories all day long. I pushed myself to complete extremes this past week, and was twitching like a junkie who had just quit using crack all week long. Hell, I couldn't sleep because my metabolism refused to slow down and relax. Certainly not a good thing, but I wanted to know if it would work.
Well I don't see him more than once per week, if that. Plus. he's in school right now too. I know what you mean, and I fully understand why people don't like big changes. But my problem is that people think being 150lbs overweight is alright. Even the doctors are refusing to bluntly tell them that they're risking their life by living that way. Small changes work good....it is afterall how I got started. And it took me 4 years until I finally made the complete lifestyle change. But if you're to be intentionally ignorant of what you eat, well hell, I can't help you. And if people want to help you, listen. Even if you don't 'change' overnight, listen. That is all I'm asking.
It's gotta be tough. But you're aware of what you're doing, and that's half the battle toward stopping it. Have you considered some sort of Weight Watchers/Jenny Craig program where, even if you don't buy into the food, you can at least hang out with people in person or online and get support from others on the same road? Another thing I'd suggest for anyone struggling with a weight problem: Get your thyroid tested. It's true that the majority of thyroid problems happen in women, but men can have slow thyroids as well. All you've got to do is arm-twist your doctor into giving you a blood test (make sure he tests for all three factors; most thyroid tests include T1 and T2, but T3 can sometimes turn up rare conditions like Hashimoto's that don't turn up on the other two). If anyone in your family has a thyroid condition, particularly a parent or a sibling, you're at higher risk. Doesn't hurt to check it out.
A good analogy, IMO, would be that this is like an opponent trash-talking you when your team is blowing them out. It that case, you simply look at them and say "Scoreboard" and 9 times out of 10 it'll shut them up. So give your dad the equivilent of the "Scoreboard" reply, whether it's showing him your abs, asking how much HE weighs or what HIS blood pressure is, etc.... Hopefully he'll get it, and if he doesn't, then ain't nuthin' gonna shut him up anyhow.
