Gardenforge, I need your help!!

Stake-out with a .22 and NVGs.

Eureka!

You need to hire this guy:

He'll take care of your cat problem once and for all.

Update:

Well, all seems quiet this morning!

I'm going to do as advised and set up a little pot with some grass/weeds in it and put catnip in there to train the cat to eat from that if it's going to, and keep putting down various things people have mentioned (orange, chili, pepper, mothballs, maybe lion dung just for you lurkie ) and hopefully normality can be returned to and the cat can leave my garden alone!

Oh, while I'm asking, herbs:

I know chives just shoot up in straight shoots but anyone have any experience with sweet basil and parsley?

Basil and parsley, at least in my experience, are a bit more difficult to grow than chives. Chives aren't fussy and will shoot up anywhere.

Parsley will need replacing every couple of years, and needs really rich, composty ground. It also likes sun and plenty of water.

Basil also needs lots of sun, but can't stand harsh winds so it needs some kind of shelter. I've only had success with basil in a greenhouse, but I think if you're down south it should do ok in a container that you can shift about. It's also finicky as to how you cut it. I would say buy plugs from the garden centre rather than growing it from seed, but then again I'm just lazy.

^ Basil

Nothing says [-]Tacky, Yet Unrefined[/-] Scruff like Garden Gnomes.

You're very slightly further south than me, but I don't put basil outside, ever. Haven't tried parsley yet, so I don't know.

And I don't know why you're so bloody suspicious, look up lion dung on the internet! It works, honest! I could think up much more creative ways to wind you up, if I wanted to.

"Slightly" futher south? You're in East Anglia for gawds sake! Which is also why I'm suspcious about the lion crap

I think it might have been a mistake to put any of my herbs outside, unless them turning yellow is part of the maturation process of them

I assume I'm correct that you can test the soil for ph etc? I wonder if there is something in the soil that isn't getting on with the plants as they seem to get to a certain point of growth, and then either die or stop growing.

Futher investigation is required methinks...

Eh-hem

And in the great scheme of things, you're only slightly south of me: I'm on the southern edge of yokel land.
Went to look at the allotment today. We've got a rabbit warren in the middle of it and it's covered in grass. It's rotavator time!

There go your chances of growing any prizewinning carrots then!

On the edge of yokel land my arse! You're smack bang in the middle of the sister shaggers and web foots. Haven't you heard? It's normal for Colchester

Try ground pepper or slug (not slag) pellets that have been mixed in with cat biscuits for a bit.

Also toss in some gravel it will keep the slugs away.

Been out back pulling up mint for the last hour or so, worse then weeds.

^At least you can make mint juleps with mint!

When I was in girl scouts we made slug traps with beer. Mine spilled on my tomatoes, ensuring their death.