I will never understand the lack of work ethic, lack of personal responsibility, and sense of entitlement the US Welfare system has begot. This country was founded on hard work and freedom from excessive taxation. What the fuck happened? It's hard to believe that less than 50 years ago a democrat president actually said, ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. Just the complete opposite view of our sitting president. Mind boggling.
How about I cut your throat just because I'm feeling a little depressed and I could use a good laugh? Or maybe you really just want someone to tickle your toes, because, unlike throat cutting, that wouldn't be a grossly absurd analogy. I'm not sure it would be coherent, but it wouldn't be absurd. If that's what you want, you'll have to get Volpone to do it.