Actually a serious post. A friend announced she was raped. She announced it on a social networking site. And that it happened a month ago, by someone she knew. She's a bit on the promiscuous side, the "rapist" has seen her at the very least, topless. She was over at his place, drank wine with him, and went back to his bedroom and laid down with him on his bed (both clothed). While she says she tried initially to resist, she never said "No!" or "Stop" or, indeed anything. Afterwards, she hugged him goodbye and didn't call the police. So that's my conundrum. While I want to support a friend, if this were just an abstract story, I'd say "You weren't raped. If you don't want to have sex with a man, don't come to his house, drink with him and then get into bed with him. And at the very least, you need to say something if he makes an unwelcome move." Now, the guy, I've heard from a couple other sources, is a bit of an unstable douche, but that's neither here nor there.
I've been reading a number of accounts of women who said they didn't try to resist rape because they were afraid resisting or even acting unusual (e.g. getting up and leaving) would provoke a violent reaction and make the situation even worse.
Sounds like two of the sort of personalities that contribute to the problem of date rape. A dude who won't take anything short of bear mace as a "no," and a woman who does poorly at expressing her intentions in absolutes. In an ideal world, she would have actually said "no," and he would have respected her wishes. As things stand, he his probably guilty of a rape that will be nearly impossible to prosecute. Sucks.
As a guy, you are to a large extent at the mercy of a woman who has regrets and pulls this shit. As a guy, no matter where you are, if the woman (or man) says no, you stop. Now, I highly doubt a case is gonna go far where she hugged the guy goodbye, didn't call the cops and made the claim on a social network. In fact, I would think the guy would have a very good lawsuit against her for defamation of character.
Nonsense. If you don't get enthusiastic and sober consent, just jerk off. Problem solved in 99.999% of cases.
You can get all that and she can get pissed off at you two days later about something and file a complaint. In your case, you have little to worry about, although you're so stupid your hand might try to file charges against you.
Now I'm really confused. Somehow something like 90% of the country "knows" Casey Anthony killed her daughter simply because of the way she acted afterward, but hugging a guy goodbye after having sex with him means nothing in regards to whether or not a rape occurred? Wow. Fucking wow.
I can't imagine wanting to hug a man who raped me. Oh, and I've gotten all kinds of shit in life for my decision to marry young and be faithful without whoring myself out for awhile first, "for the experience"....but that choice has also meant I've never had to deal with bullshit like this...and Zel never had to worry if some skank was going to falsely accuse him of rape if she got a bug up her cooch later.
That's a tough one. Just based on this, neither one is innocent. As far as "rape" goes? She has absolutely no case at this point and should not be casually tossing the accusation around. That smacks of some serious psychological problems, IM(not professional)O.
Yeah...and it is even more ambiguous than I'm relating. I sorta knew I should distance myself from her, but when you find a fellow misfit... (I'm not the "rapist" by the way. I'm just a bit trapped because I announced my support before many of the details came out. I need to start hanging out with people less crazy than me. )
If the scenario is as Volpone reported it, there was no rape. Going to a man's house, drinking with him, and being on his bed with him form a pretty clear signal of intention. If her "resistance" was anything less than screaming "Get the fuck off me" or scratching at his eyes, she was not likely to offset the earlier impression. It sounds like "buyer's remorse" to me...
Speaking of which, I have a strong suspicion this describes my former landlady/roommate. The times I've seen her in action, she pretty much gets a guy up to the point of no return and then backs out. Not positive for the reasons Louis CK outlines above, but I suspect if you were to grab her by the throat and or slap her in the face, that would be the key to getting between her thighs.
I think we can dismiss her claim on account of it being initiated on a social network. This girl has got many issues, but not a viable case.
I think from a strictly legal definition she was raped. But if these are all the relevant facts, then the case for rape would be completely unwinnable in court. The defense would argue that the sum total of her actions amounted to "implied consent" and that because she never said "no" or something equivalent that "consent was never withdrawn". "Initially tried to resist" is huge. Unless she put some serious scratches or bruises on the guy, his lawyer would probably just label anything she did as part of foreplay. And then it comes down to "he said/she said". Finally, her actions after the rape. Hugged the guy. Did not call the police (and I'm assuming did not seek medical attention) and only "announced" the rape on a social networking site. A lawyer would be all over this asking the simple question "Are these the actions of a woman who has just been raped?" Unless the guy in question has a previously well established history of sexual assaults then your friend is screwed (pun not intended).
And if he were smart he'd file one as soon as he found out. Before she gets even more stupid and actually files a complaint.
If she never came out and said "No" it isn't rape. However, if she did come out and said "No" it is rape no matter what her original actions "implied".
It's not rape if the guy thinks the girl consented. I wouldn't say a girl always has to offer fierce resistance for it to be rape. But if she's been drinking at his place, and then climbs onto his bed with him, then she's helping to establish a notion of consent in his mind. In that case, she would seem to have a responsibility to make her objections at least as clear as her consent. If some stranger just grabs you and you offer no resistance out of fear, then that's rape. But once you've climbed on a friend's bed, an absence of real resistance can look a lot like consent. You haven't really communicated your objection until it registers with the other party. If he proceeds after that, it's rape.
