This eating healthy stuff is for the dogs.

My girlfriend has decided she wants to eat more healthy food which, of course, means I have to eat more healthy food. On one hand she does try hard to make all those fruits and veggies appetizing and I can live with the less red meat in my diet but one of the side effects of eating all this fiber is that I'm shitting like three times a day. I tell you that's not natural and I don't care what the health gurus say. :jail:

Be a man and go eat a burger. Medium rare.

With bacon, always with bacon.

Dogs eat healthy?
Not the ones I ever knew.

Indeed, with a menu including (but not limited to):

gravel
anti-freeze
garbage
cat poop
their dead owner

I like fruits and veggies. A semi-healthy diet isn't too much of a stretch for me. And yes, I am a frequent dumper.

My dog gets three hand-prepared meals a day, consisting of:

Ground beef, browned and rinsed of all grease.
Oatmeal.
Dessicated liver and seaweed powder.

Put them all together and you get this smelly brown mush that keeps him pretty healthy. I think he's getting sick of it, though.

poor flexo wants some bacon.

Ha! If I gave him bacon, he'd launch liquid shit halfway up the wall and be sick for days.

Quit being a little bitch. What's the worst that will happen? You'll look better, feel better, and have more energy? I wish I had a girl who was so committed to health.

You should be pooping three times a day. Unless you want them to eventually cut out your colin so you can just leak out of a bag the rest of your life. Pooping more is one of the best things you can do for your health.

No fucking shit (no pun intended)

These people are complaining because they are getting rid of their shit too quickly? What, you want to carry your poo around with you as a trophy of your binge eating or something?

I shit 6 to 10 times a day.

Nikki once ate, and successfully passed 15" of ace bandage.

Once I couldn't find the foam earplugs I was using. A day later Mary called from the back yard "Found 'em! You don't want 'em!"

My wife has a similiar healthy food outlook, so during the week we eat lots of veggies/salads, quinoa, fruit, brown rice, etc. Try to limit the boozing in the week as well. Funnnily enough now one of my favorite things to eat is grilled zucchini drizzled with a bit of olive oil and salt and pepper.

On the weekend I eat a steak the size of my head, or cook up a big fuck off rack of ribs.

It's a good balance and truth be told I feel better off for it.

If only I could find that graphic from Facebook comparing that scraggly, ugly 51-year-old woman who ate only health food with the 51-year-old TV chef who ate meat and butter and looked like Monica Bellucci.

I don't eat the food that food eats.

And what's wrong with eating dead owners, as long as they don't put an excessive amount of ketchup or salt on the body, huh?

Actually Mary eats very healthy too. Lots of fruits and veggies. While I'll have some crumb cake for a snack, she'll have an apple or a grapefruit. She keeps trying to get me to eat like that, but I simply can't stand it. There are maybe two veggies and three fruits I can eat without retching.

Skin thought it was cats that eat dead owners, while dogs just howl and shit all over the house.

So you starve? Or are you a cannibal?

Grow a pair.

Click me!

Never been responsible for a queasy chihuahua, have you? Bagged dog foods are a crap shoot (HA! ) with him. There was one flavor of Beneful that he'd actually eat and not hurl it everywhere. But then we come to the two causes of this situation:

First, the Potassium Bromide I give him for his epilepsy also gives him an unstoppable appetite. If I just leave a big bowl of food out, he'll eat until he pukes and then eat some more. So that points to scheduled feedings.

OK, so my previous roommates have a diabetic chihuahua. They need to know exactly whats in her food, so processed dog food is out. My dog just got used to the other dog's diet and feeding times, so I just buy all the same stuff to keep his routine stable. I don't enjoy shampooing liquid shits out of the carpet.

Not everyone wants to stroke out in their fifties, but you go right ahead.

I work out an hour a day six days a week. I'm in the best shape of my life.

I'll be around long after you're gone.

Dubious.

Laying in a tanning bed doesn't count, Tinkerbell.

Tico gets Taste of the Wild dog food. All bison and venison. It's more expensive, but I'd rather he eat that than what he was doing before (sneaking Fancy Feast salmon from the cats).