A serious question for garamet...

Wiki links to a working ELIZA. Too polite.

Maud would have loved this bot.

It's important!

@The Flashlight has apparently been abducted by aliens on his way home from work.

You know what work is, right?

Better than you do.

How so? Have you ever done any?

You've forgotten again, haven't you?

Waiting in line for your welfare check isn't work silly.

I love this spat.

I mean you both are seriously two of my more favorite people way back forever.

I really want to get you both naked and drunk in my library and just see what develops...I'm pretty sure it would be AWESOME.

How did you begin to hate each other? I'm curious.

Before the noun the adjective belongs, Yoda. It would be silly for you to wait in line for someone else's welfare check, but it's even sillier when that person's never been on welfare.

I don't hate Face. I actually pity him. He's admitted he has early-onset dementia, so it's up to us to remind him when he forgets things. As you can see from the present exchange, he doesn't even know who he's talking to.

Nevertheless, I may pity him, but not to the extent you're suggesting.

Come on now...him, me, you...naked in the library. Not a candlestick, wrench, or pipe to be found.

But really...for years you guys have been at it, and I simply don't get it...why? Faceman is a decent dude with some odd proclivities which really amount to youthful exuberance, and you're well...an accomplished author who can stand up and defend herself against all comers.

Honestly I'd always thought a pegger...peggee relationship betwixt the two of you, but since both of you are denying that I'm just wondering why the hate.

And this isn't the FIRST time I've asked this (at least in my head). I guess I just missed whatever sparked the feud - Faceman is always out for a fight as long as he can be irreverent, I can only assume he hit some nerve once that never healed.

Pass, thanks.

We haven't really. He'll do a drive-by once in a while, I'll swat him with a newspaper and he has the good sense to go away until the next time, unlike the maroon who started this thread or Stalker-boy. It's a brief little dance and then he makes the rounds of the others he likes to troll. It's almost as if he's got a schedule, but there's no emotion involved on either side.

Precisely. Key word: "defend." I don't hit first. I'd rather just converse with the grownups, but if the Anonyms wanna play Wac-a-Mole, I'll be happy to oblige.

Side note on my life, lest I forget. I went out to get a pack of smokes out of my car at 2:00 AM and ran into my 16-year old neighbor driving up in his mom's car, long before he has his license. He's been driving at night because he's worried sick about his mom who might have glaucoma (she's a sweety who adopted three kid and gave a boot to a BF who tried to make her choose between kids and him). Anyway, her eldest is a top-notch engineering student, and the younger was complaining that the elder brother had wired the place with cameras and was watching his comings and goings (which is an actual problem, given what happens at that age).

The elder brother, who won a pledge-of-the-year award at his fraternity by boinking a girl on a fire-ant mound on spring break, running with her naked and screaming to dive into the hotel's swimming pool, before boinking a different girl on a pool table in front of a chanting crowd, grew up, despite my teachings, and was concerned about online photos of his little brother (no blood relation), photographed with a beer can in his hand (it was a dip can).

So the elder brother was riding the 16-year old, accusing him of drinking beer (unfairly) and doing Jagermeister shots. The kid's defense was this: "He's out of his mind! I was not doing Jager shots! The strippers were doing those!"

I assured him that he did in fact win the Internet with that excuse. He is a perfect 16-year old angel. It's always the strippers' fault. Those bitches.

gturner, I applaud this post. Perfect balance of yin and yang. However "boink" is a poor choice of words.

To the forum: what could he have used instead of "boink"?

If that Rolling Stone article about UVA and fraternities is accurate, the word is probably rape.

I can't imagine keeping my attention focused while on a fire-ant hill. I once danced the Charleston after wandering across one in bare feet.

Rape.

Interesting premise. But which brother is the protagonist (you don't want to split-screen in a first novel), and what genre are you aiming for?


And how much longer do we figure the aliens will let @The Flashlight keep playing with the anal probe before they toss him out the airlock?

I'm thinking of a spinoff thread:

@The Flashlight's Tutorial on How to Write Fiction

It'll probably plummet off the first page in less than a day, but it might be fun...

I can't imagine what would possibly be fun about that. It might be a spectacle of sorts, like a twelve car pileup ending in an enormous fireball, but fun? The Flashlight can't create a coherent universe, narrative, or sentence even when he's pretending to do non-fiction. If he gave up pretense and openly wrote fiction he'd singlehandedly retire the Bulwer-Lytton contest without even trying to do so.

That's the fun part.

Summing up, Volpone has done his usual drive-by and will return in a week or so with more.

The bonus is that Flashy will make himself scarce again for a while.

Two trolls in one thread. Double-plus good.

The thread deserves my undivided attention, and the formatting I want to do demands I be at my desktop. Problem is, by the time I reach the end of my day and have a few minutes of alone time, I'm typically too exhausted to think about carrying on a meaningless squabble with a fraud who has conned people into believing that she has written her own books, when there is a preponderance of evidence to the contrary

But because garamet demands attention, I'll see what I can do tonight. In the meantime, she can order her flying monkey Lietard to entertain her.

We'll assume this "project" is part of a "case" you're "working on" (after hours? My, how dedicated!).

When you finish pursuing your case against this alleged fraud (the preponderance of evidence obviously being part of the court documentation, so understandably you can't share it with us), perhaps you can revisit this thread. Or not. No one really cares.

You care.

Also, the use of six smilies was rather excessive, don't you think?

To let you serve as a foil? Always.

They represent only a fraction of the derision you deserve.

Uh huh.....

Apparently your employers don't trust you with a company computer, since you're forced to rely on your phone. That's the only reason you're impotent to deliver on Post #55.

How many dozens of times have we now seen flashlight use the wrong computer excuse, only to never return with the promised post?