So, on scouting reddit the other day I found a subreddit called r/LetsNotMeet After reading a few crazy stories, i felt compelled to share the story of my exstepmother... I'm actually somewhat surprised at the huge response. Its here if anyone is interested. TW as it's got a lot of graphic details about my life just before I joined this forum: https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMee...path/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Dare I say it I think the fact of her profession puts you yet again in a position not of your making? Her behaviour will not be specific to you and will manifest around other people she perceives to be vulnerable, even if the thresholds are different in a workplace setting. Have you spoken of any of this to your dad?
Oh yes, my father knows. I wrote him a long letter detailing alot of the treatment that he was not aware of within a week after I left. He let me do what I needed to do and that was it. He stayed married to her for several years after that until she left him for the guy she was cheating with. I will never understand why he stayed aside from feeling a duty to the woman he married and her young daughter. He developed a horrible drinking problem that almost killed him 3 times after that and ended up coming to live at my grandmother's (his mother) in the next room over where he continued to spiral for a long time. Until I decided to take a stab at addressing the abuse. My dad doesnt talk about anything. Ever. So I just brought it up and told him to please forgive himself because it's in the past and I'm doing fine now. He got sober after that and now hes happily remarried. As far as my stepmothers working position goes, I've considered sending a letter to her daughters school district. I almost did a few years ago after blasting her on facebook and tagging everyone that knew me from then, including some of her family. And her daughter. Her daughter freaked out over it and acted like I was dillusional. The only reason I didnt was because my "mentor" at the time warned me that it could backfire and be really bad for me if I do. Especially considering that it's been so long (13 years) and the board of education may not take it seriously. After the response I got, I'm really considering it again...only making it anonymous.
The board have a duty to take it seriously and it would documented even if they couldn't find the evidence to act on (which they probably couldn't). Of course she would know it was you who made the report and there's a whole can of worms there I can't and won't tell you to open but the problem you have is that by saying nothing you're always going to be questioning yourself and feeling as though she had won another victory. She still has the power in that situation and the question is whether that's something you can accept for the sake of stability. I know exactly how that uncertainty about reporting something feels, I did it recently in fact. What worked for me was to completely turn the situation on its' head and rather than seeking anonymity facing the person I was accusing and telling them exactly what I intended to do and why. I also put this person on the spot by giving him the option of reporting himself first. For me that changed the dynamic totally because rather than feeling (or potentially looking) in any way weak, scared or underhanded I had made my position clear and put him on the back foot. Add to that the confusion that goes with being not being merely a witness but the victim and an adult looking back on your child self, wondering what you could have done differently and how you could have changed matters. The simple fact is you couldn't, that's the whole point of being a child with adults to protect you, they're the ones who can control that situation and also the ones who can control the narrative where you are somehow at fault for their actions. It's no surprise how much abuse goes unreported even today when you think about it.
I definitely do intend to say something, it's just a matter of how to go about it. I have a number of witnesses from adults that knew me then as well as my friends who are...let's just say metaphorically standing on the sidelines with spiked wooden bats for me. Quite a number of my friends came forward practically attacking her daughter for defending me. Of course, I dont place fault in her. She was 7 the last time i saw her. I know she is in denial. As far as Stepmother goes, she has me blocked and her profile is now private. Her youngest also changed school districts entirely. So I imagine this came out alot more than I can really know.
