I should probably Green Room this but idgaf right now. The good news is my mom's surgery appears to be a success at least.
My dad had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor last November 29th, after a round of radiation and chemo He’s doing very well now @Bickendan and i hope your mom pulls through like he has. Sending thoughts your way bud
@Bickendan I'm VERY HAPPY for both you & your mom that her surgery was successful If only cancer would disappear PERMANENTLY into fat air.
My dad went into surgery to have a pacemaker installed at the beginning of the month. He didn't survive. The pacemaker may have bought him another year or two, and without it he may have lived a few more months. With his health the way it was, dying in surgery is probably better than other alternatives. Between his health and the fact that I haven't spoken to him in over a decade, I had plenty of warning and I'm not really sad about it. I also found out he removed me as a life insurance beneficiary. Not out of spite because I got tired of his bullshit, he decided to take my brother and I off the policy because we're "too irresponsible" and "my mom would manage the money for us better than we would." Had he left me on the policy, I'd get $50,000. My mom has decided to give me $20,000 without otherwise managing it. Yeah, I'm too irresponsible to lose $30,000 on my own... That's what my family is like: I'm getting $20,000 for free and they've managed to ruin it for me. Also, my brother is pissed off because he feels I should get nothing because I disowned my dad and was removed as a beneficiary. He was also removed but feels he should get half of the total payout because, reasons. I'll be surprised if he doesn't try any half-assed extortion. He already tried to take money from me when I took out student loans to cover living expenses. Also, I have a life insurance policy that my dad was managing, again because "you're too irresponsible." Now, the insurance company won't talk to me because my information doesn't match the information on file, so I can't pay the premium. It'll probably lapse before I manage to get it sorted out. I'm sure this is somehow my fault. Yes, I know exactly what I sound like here. Yeah, I'm a narcissist, what do you want me to do? I come from a family of raging narcissists that collectively decided I'm their scapegoat, I wasn't coming out of that a good person. Ah well, once I collect my $20,000 I no longer have any reason to put up with these ass holes.
I have been watching from a distance as one of my best friend's mother has gone through the operation and chemo since sometime during COVID. That chemo is a bitch on the body. It does seem to get better pretty quickly after compared to some other troubles. It is just miserable going through pain and weakness for such a long period. Best of luck to her. Remember you cannot fix what is going on right now, but even though being there as you can seems too little, it does make a huge difference just making the connection and being with them. When I was at my worst and dying of pain and not being able to walk 50 feet without being exhausted it was the thought of the good times with friends and family that made me do whatever it took to get better and get over it.
There's nothing like money to expose and exacerbate family tensions. I saw it when one of my aunt's died and even closer to home when my mother passed away. You're not alone on this one.
Exacerbate yes, but they're already exposed. My plan is to lay low as much as possible, accept that the deal has been altered, and pray it isn't altered further. We'll see how well that works out. Just to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with: several years ago, my brother, the baby momma, and his kids were living with my dad. One night he was drunk and tried raping his girlfriend after she said no to sex. My dad tried to intervene, and my brother shoved his head through a wall. This resulted in brain damage that caused seizures, and my dad could no longer work and had to go on disability. My family can use his behavior against him so they safely feel superior and that he's under control. All they have against me is that I don't meet their expectations and I stand my ground when they try to pull shit with me, so I'm worse than he is, somehow. Ah well, all they can really do is gaslight and try to make me feel guilty. I've had enough experience with them that it's no longer effective; all it does is irritate me and I ignore them. Sorry for derailing a vaguely related thread, but I really needed to vent.
My son’s policy lapsed. I still had all the information, but it was my financial advisor who knew who to call and what to say and how to get everything back on track.
First of all, fuck cancer. I lost both of my parents to cancer. My dad when I was eight and my mom when I was 30. I had good relationships with both. We were your typical Reagan nuclear family. My mom was my best friend for years and after that, my neighbor was my best friend and then he died in a car wreck. My ex wife was my best friend after that. Ever since I got divorced I’ve been in self destruct mode it’s been hard to get over all of that. Stuck in a rut. I’m not looking for sympathy, but being alone for as long as I have, I’ve been able to work through some of these things myself. What am I getting at? if it helps, I recently came across the content to this song. I’ve always loved this song, but I never knew the context. For me, music gets me through life. So I present to @Bickendan something that kind of helped me make sense of things. If you want to talk PM me.
For yourself though, consider a cognitive behavioral group. I've found it way more helpful than a one on one therapist because of the peer dynamic-you can merge with a subject rather than broach it sort of stuff. Not too mention the relief from isolation...
I lost my mother to cancer 12 years ago. It was horrible watching it slowly take her life away. I want to many of her appointments with her and remembered how she had to take me to all my hospital appointments and stays throughout my life. I was going through hep c treatments during her last year. We joked how we were both taking poison to "help" us. We also said that me taking her to the doctors was like the blind leading the blind. My mother, nieces and myself 5 months before she was gone:
I watched my mom die of cancer in 2009 and my grandma (mom’s mom) die in 2002, I won’t watch that shit ever again, it’s too much.
Just awful. Cancer claimed my father. My mother was afflicted by dementia. There’s nothing I can say that will ease the pain, although I can say that you’re not alone.
My mom had cancer three times and fought it off twice when she was younger. When she was diagnosed again eight years ago, she didn't feel like fighting it again. Fortunately it didn't take long.
I lost my mom in 2014 and my dad in 2021. Neither to cancer. I was never close with either of my parents. I suppose when you have 7 kids, none get much one on one time. Anyway, even not being close is hard. Hugs.
I'm so sorry. 30 years on for my Dad and about 7 for Mom and I still miss them. Hopefully the good memories will eventually overcome the pain of loss.
