Check out this sample of my commissioned short story work.

WARNING: LINK IS NSFW

http://www.thevalkyrie.com/stories/dtm/hazing.txt

I've been writing these kinds of stories since 2005. I don't make as much at Amy's Conquest as I have with other publishers; the upside is that whatever plot I want to build a story on, they generally approve. Compared to the previous niche online publisher I was writing for, whose owner typically wanted dozens of very minor variations on practically the same story, this is far more satisfying.

Hope this is deliberate, because I see a need for a comma and a not a period at the end of the dialogue quote.

(Kill the space between the double and single quote on that one)

Also, I noticed it seems to be set in Portland... need a little inside info about Portland State?

Once, in my checkered past, I stole a PowerBook from someone on the Portland OSU campus.

As for the rest: blame the editor, who's from New Zealand. The down side of having a paying gig: somebody else gets their hands on it and "corrects" your work.

I'd figure someone from New Zealand would have a better grasp of English than most Americans

Bullshit double post because the first post returned a 'No Data Sent' Error

Queen's English, yes. American English, apparently not. Besides, the people there run a web site for a tiny niche genre, it's not like they're Random House.

I wasn't aware that kind of material paid...figured there was all sorts of folks willing to submit stuff just for the ego stroke of seeing it published. Like on Literotica and so forth.

I do wish I could find some places where I could submit short stories for pay...well, probably I could but I'm to ignorant to sort legit possibilities from BS I expect.

Just a suggestion, but you might want to slap a NSFW or two up.

Done, and good looking out.

A couple more previews, just as NSFW as the first one:

http://www.thevalkyrie.com/stories/dtm/hardcase.txt

http://www.thevalkyrie.com/stories/dtm/offer.txt