SO I'll just dive right into this... Scenario: You're commiserating with your best friend after a shitty break up and talking about exes that have left you desolated. You agree that even though you've both had opportunity, getting with the other's heartbreaker would be the deepest depth of shittiness. Four months later, you find out not only did he get with her, but they're an actual item and nobody bothered to tell you. How do you respond?
Outwardly? Cold and aloof. He is no longer your friend, therefore not worth the time or energy needed for an emotional response. Inside? I'm sorry you got hurt.
If a friend of mine and an ex of mine decide to get together, I don't see how it would be any of my business. If a friend/ex relationship bothers me, that's my problem, not theirs. If I make it their problem, them I'm the ass hole. That being said, if friend says "I'd never date your ex," and then they do it, that is pretty shitty. When I've been in similar situations, my response is generally along the lines of "Ha ha! She's your problem now."
That's the one. Add in "took you for granted and treated you like shit" as qualifiers to the description of the ex(es). The feeling of betrayal far outweighs anything else... I don't really like her in general and could care less who she fucks... other than my "best" friend.
Thanks. Long over her, and as my BR thread mentioned, totally traded up Yeah, ran into him last night. Asked in what movie or story this sort of move ever worked out as a happy ending. Extended my hand and said it was good being his friend, but I couldn't like this, then walked away. She'd actually invaded the bar the other night when I was to busy and not particularly inclined to talk. Msg'd me the next day whining about the chilly reception, so I replied with "what were you expecting? Cake?". Didn't get much of a discussion after that... not really interested. Like Lanz says, just excise that shit. Too busy working and with my other social circles anyway... Guess that's what this is really about; if I'm doing the reasonable thing by moving past those two toxic sources.
Kind of a defining event of my life was back when I was 18 - during a party my "best friend" drove off with my "girlfriend". Both later assured me that it was an innocent thing, that Jeff was depressed over something and Kat said maybe talking about it will help, let's take a drive. We were all friends. Being a naive teenager, and being she was my first and only GF, well, okay, I'll buy it. Months later Jeff admitted they'd fucked their brains out. Note that I had NOT yet done it with her. Still, being a naive teen, and it being the 70s, I decided bros before hos and what the hell. She was the basic psycho bitch from hell anyway, and I broke up with her a few months later. Jeff and I had been besties since 6th grade, why let this come between us? As the years went on, and I got married, and I realized how that one betrayal had affected my life view, and that it was affecting my marriage, I started to really despise Jeff. When I saw him at the 10-year HS reunion, I could barely look at him, but I was civil. At the 20, seeing him made me want to kill him. Again, I was civil - I can't do confrontation. I skipped the 30-year to avoid him. I ran into him just before the 40-year was scheduled, spoke to him curtly and jogged for the car, cementing my decision to skip that reunion too. I'm truly hoping the bastard dies before the 50th, so I can go see the shriveled remains of the chicks I had the hots for back then. I think you handled yours much better than I'm handling mine.
