Faceman Reads Star Trek Books

Yep. All of them.

Ok then. I'll have to clean up this thread.

Unworthy (VOY) 2381

This one is a bit of a letdown. If you asked me what the story was about, I’d struggle to tell you. If you put a gun to my head and said, “Face, stop fucking around, what’s the damn book about?” I’d tell you it’s about hitting reset which, as we all know, VOY is fantastic at. I mean they fucking excel at it, don’t they?

So Chuckles resigns his commission and decides to help Seven on earth. Fine. But, after a racist native American future peyote scene, she decides that the best way to figure out what’s wrong with her is to accompany the VOY fleet to the DQ. So they hop aboard as civilians. Meanwhile, B’Elana has taken her slipstream shuttle to meet VOY in the DQ where Tom will disembark and go hide with her forever from the Klingons who are after their child. Also fine.

Meanwhile, new Captain Eden and her ex-husband Batiste (the admiral in charge of the VOY fleet) encounter the Indign, a species that reveres the Borg but just can’t themselves assimilated because they suck too much. This is allegedly the story of the book – but I would tell you it goes nowhere. And here begin the resets:

1) By the end of the book, Batiste reveals himself a 8472 imposter and uses VOY to open a vent into fluidic space to go home. Eden becomes fleet captain and Chuckles is reinstated into Starfleet and assumes command of VOY.

2) B’Elana is intercepted by VOY and she brings sick child aboard. In about two paragraphs, Eden convinces her to abandon her plan of two years (faking her death and running away with Tom in the DQ on her new shuttle) and instead decides to remain on board VOY at first as a civilian and then by the end of the book as the fleet’s chief engineer.

3) Seven’s issue – a voice telling her her name – apparently resolves itself in a muddy way (was it the Caeliar? Was it something else? Who cares.) and she agrees to stay on board VOY as a mission specialist.

And now all the pieces are back in place except one. Eden is sitting in Janeway’s slot. So I assume she dies (or leaves) and Janeway comes back from the dead and takes her place as fleet commander. Eden believes she originated from the DQ and may not really be human so that’s called foreshadowing…

And then there’s the “plot”. The Indign make contact with VOY by sending up a box containing a consciousness. Seven and company discover that eight such boxes were stolen from a planet nearby. They were actually buried and guarded because whatever is in the box is actually evil. The one that VOY received takes over a hologram, who escapes sans holographic emitter (seriously) and shuttles away. Before she escaped she dug up the rest of the boxes and takes them with her. Who then sent the first box to VOY? That’s a mystery that is never discussed. VOY gets on its merry way, the hologram Indign escapes and we are one step closer to a pure VOY redux….

Children of the Storm (VOY) 2381

To Beyer’s credit, all three of her books move well. The most plodding sections so far were the first part of Full Circle where she was forced to clean up her predecessor’s mess. And was it a mess. The next book, Children of the Storm improves on Unworthy. The book effectively introduces the captain and crew of two other ships of the fleet – Quirinal, a Vesta class (like Aventine) starship, and Demeter (a Theophrastus class botany ship). We also meet the Planck but its blown up by the titular Children, who we first meet in the Destiny trilogy by Aventine. They tell Aventine to get the fuck out or they’ll kill them. These people defeated the Borg and fuck you. So what does VOY’s version of Starfleet do? They send three ships to visit the Children.

The book bounces between the three ships meeting the Children three weeks in the past, and Voyager’s efforts to locate the ships and ultimately free Demeter from the Children’s “captivity.” In the process, they ultimately find a way to communicate with the Children (thought beings of a mother who looks like a gas giant) and find a way to improve the Children’s lives and that of the mother – distraught for years over the destruction wrought by the Borg on nearby class-M planets where the Children once lived.

The book is noteworthy to introducing some new characters. The Quirinal battle scenes are pretty tense as they’re boarded and nearly destroyed by the Children. The power play on the much smaller Demeter between the XO and eccentric CO are also very good, though you know who will turn out right in the end. Neelix stops by briefly, a al Jar Jar Binks in Episode 3. It was appropriate. B’Elana has a good side story with the CO of another ship, Achiles, a massive cargo and repair facility.

These books aren’t the deepest Trek has to offer and Beyer is unfortunately stuck with the character’s she’s been dealt. She does seem to make them far more likeable than they were on the series. She’s yet to shed the specter of the Borg – the last two books have been about either a race the reveres and emulates the Borg or one that successfully fought and was shaped culturally by the Borg. Hopefully she’ll find a way to do that soon or she’ll get bored and have to push the last reset button…

Next up the next Titan book, Under a Torrent Sea, sees Titan returning to space following Destiny. Let’s hope it’s readable.

Over A Torrent Sea (TTN) 2381

Titan sets off again to explore the great unknown and comes across a planet made entirely out of water. The "inhabitants" are fish who have bioengineered other fish to work for them (gather food, survey, communicate, etc.). I should start over…

Do you like text books? Do you like text books about fish? Do you like fish sticks in your mouth? Then you're a gay fish. Wait…I got carried away.

Do you like text books about fish? Yes? Then this is the Star Trek book for you. Much of this book involves characters discussing fish. It doesn't matter who the characters are. They lose all individuality pretty quick since all they do is talk about fish. This one has no bones. This one has a beak. This one flies out of the water. This one has tentacles. This one evolved via alien technobabble.

The "plot" of the book involves Titan trying to communicate with sentient fish via techology and a crew member from Pacifica (a Selkie) who lives in water. Meanwhile, in space, an asteroid comes toward the planet. It will impact it. Titan manages to blow it into smaller pieces but it impacts anyway. Titan crew beats themselves up over how they made things so bad on the planet (keep in mind it was going to impact either way = PLOT HOLE!). Riker and the Selkie, Aili, are trapped on the planet…naked (yes this is a thing that happened). They also used to fuck but now Riker is married to Troi who is in labor. Riker and Aili spend a lot of time together naked.

And about fucking. Everyone is fucking everyone. Xin fucks Aili, Xin fucks Pazlar, Eviku fucks Aili, Eviku fucks Brolik, Vale fucks a tree stump, Riker fucks Troi, fuck fuck fuck.

And then there's Troi. The Titan's silly dinosaur doctor kidnaps her and takes her to a planet of midgets and makes them help him deliver the baby because he's fearful of what would happen on Titan. This is a horrible subplot but eventually he comes to his senses and is arrested only to be vindicated because, well, it's not his fault.

This book is complete garbage. I hope this author doesn't write any more books because sharks ate his hands.

The Eternal Tide (VOY) 2381

If you've read this thread, you'll know how I love books involving Q. Q is so interesting. Nothing like an omnipotent character to really ratchet things up a notch.

You recall how I predicted VOY relaunch two was heading for a reset. All you need is Janeway. And guess what, thanks Q, she's back! And thanks Kes too. I don't understand that subplot, but Kes helped.

This is a mess of a book, mostly because it involves the Q, an anomaly, disconnected plots in the first third of the book, and a boring reveal then death of a character.

You see, Q's son brought Janeway back to life to stop an anomaly that is destroying space time. It is a continuum of destruction like the Q continuum is one of creation and if one is destroyed so too will the other. How do you stop the "Omega Continuum" from destroying the universe then? Well it turns out VOY's interim Captain Eden is of the Omega Continuum and discovers she has Q like powers. In the end she sacrifices herself, and Q junior, in order to close the anomaly and save everyone.

The book's plot is impenatrable. It probably doesn't make sense if it was mapped out. There's a lot of board room discussions about what the fuck is going on and space time, and fixed points in time, and a lot of bullshit made up just for this book. Vomit a Q plot on top of it and you've got a recipe for a VOY novel.

Some other things this book does - it erases another of Christie Golding's characters - Vorik dies. It resets the Miral Paris plot by having Q ensure that no Klingons will hunt her (yay!). Janeway and Chuckles fuck. Four ships are destroyed. VOY delivers some characters from a season 3 episode to a planet that was the home of the borg and then we forget about them for the next two thirds of the book.

It's a mess. But the characters are back in place. Janeway will lead the fleet. Chuckles will command VOY. Everyone else is back in their respected slots. They're still in the DQ. It's like Endgame never happened. The end.

Next up another Titan book. Shit this is a slog.

How the fuck do the novels manage to make Voyager suck even more?

I'm running out about of steam. My chart shows about 50 books to go to catch up. I've read 81(ish).

I have another side project I'd like to work on: "Faceman reads Michael Crichton books published under a pseudonym."

Chronologically of course. I've read all of Crichton'/ published works and now they've put his early pseudonym works on kindle. Basically 1966-1972. Just to clear my head.

Looking at the list of ST I think I will pivot to that point in two books - after a Titan and VOY book that leads up to the first of the 8 part Typhon Pact series.

^I'll admit Faceman, all the bad things I've probably wished on you at some point in the past....none of them I think were as bad as you having to read this crap.

Thanks for taking one for the team.

Oh no, the novels are a vast improvement over the show. They're not the greatest stories ever written, but considering the source material, they're much better than I'd expect.

It's true. They actually define the characters in the books. In the show they were cardboard cutouts leftover from TNG.

Yup. I came to like and get a feel for new characters like Farkas, O'Donnell, and Fife over the course of a couple book more than I did for the original crew in seven seasons.

With all the great literature out there, why would anyone waste their time reading dreck like Star Trek novels?

Good reason for that.

Berman, Braga, and Taylor (IIRC by their own admission) really wanted to do ST:TNG 2.0 and not a truly original series.

With all the great plays and movies out there, why would anyone waste their time watching Star Trek in the first place?

Exactly!

Why would anyone read 82 Star Trek books in 18 months?

Back when I got my first full time job and before I had a girlfriend (in other words when I had plenty of casual money for the first time ever) I prided myself on reading every Star Trek book as it came out.

Of course that was at most one a month according to the Pocket schedule back then.

It was sometime after DS9 came along and I had an established girlfriend I realized that it was time for priorities to change.

So you're saying I should spend less time reading Star Trek books and more time taking my wife out to dinner at the McDonalds inside the local Walmart?

Depends.

for the same reason they eat pork rinds?

Synthesis (TTN) 2381

We’re back to Titan plugging away in deep space. They stumble upon a wrecked ship in a subspace decimated section of space and attempt to rescue crew, but find none. Instead they find an advanced AI module who controlled the downed ship, “White-Blue.” White-Blue is sentient as are all his kind. They were created ages ago to fight the mindless monster that slips through subspace cracks. It is their only mission though they have their own governance structure and ethical code, routed in programming.

Titan is wary of them as they insist on repairing the vessel. Other AIs are wary of Titan as they don’t think highly of organics. In the process, White-Blue turns the Titan main computer sentient. She uses the hologram emitters to represent herself and struggles with her newfound sentience. During the repairs, Titan encounters the Null, the monstrous force from subspace threatening normal space. Using tricobolt devices, they destroy the monster but another incursion is imminent. Conventional weapons won’t work and it’s up to the Titan main computer to fix things.

This book was a vast improvement from Over a Torrent Sea. It kept the idiotic character quirks down, focused on lesser seen characters in a meaningful way, and kept a good pace throughout the book. Will give this one a positive review.

I'm gonna have some chips now.

Serious answer: Because a lot of Star Trek that's on film is actually pretty decent, unlike the novels.

When I was young and stupid, I unfortunately read quite a few of the Trek novels. They're essentially not much better than poorly-written fan fiction, but with professional editors.

Yeah, I'd agree. I read tons of Trek books back in the day and most of them are pretty forgetable. Once in a while you get a good one - and not to sound like a brown-nose, but Garamet's books have never let me down - but the majority are just "meh."

I hope to get to Garamet's books in 2018. They'll be graded as fairly as all the others.

I read tons of science fiction, but I've sampled a few Trek novels. None of them ever did much for me. I guess I only like my Trek visual.

Even that truly awful "Dwellers in the Crucible"

How many books have you had published?

So you are suggesting that no reader of a book can criticise it unless they are a published author themselves.?

I'll remember to say "how many high school classes have you ever taught" every time someone here criticises my teaching.

Exactly the same reasoning.

Thanks Ed.

No, it's not. You also say you can do better, and claim that what others do is "crap". Without any basis, other than you don't like it. You haven't shown to do anything well at all the entire time you have been on here.

That a lie.

But that's okay as you've been doing that for years so its par for the course.