Man Busted For Trying To Have Sex With ATM MAY 19--A Tennessee man was arrested Friday night after he walked into a bar, dropped his pants and underwear, and attempted to have sex with an ATM machine, police report. Lonnie Hutton, 49, was collared at The Boro Bar and Grill, the Murfreesboro watering hole where he allegedly sought to make a 9 PM deposit. According to a Murfreesboro Police Department report, an officer was dispatched to the bar, where a witness said that Hutton walked to the ATM and “pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his genitals.” Officer M. Rickard added, “Mr. Hutton then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM.” After his encounter with the ATM, Hutton “then began to walk ‘nude’ around the bar thrusting his hips in the air,” Rickard reported. Hutton was subsequently escorted from the bar and “told to sit at a wooden picnic table.” But once outside the bar, Hutton allegedly “again exposed himself again and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table.” Seen in the above mug shot, Hutton was booked into the county jail on a public intoxication charge. A cop reported that Hutton--who remains locked up in lieu of $250 bond--smelled of booze, had bloodshot eyes, and had slurred speech. Hutton, who was not charged for exposing himself, is scheduled for a July 1 appearance in General Sessions court.
It could be worse -- there was a story last week about a guy in Florida (of course) who cut himself rather terribly trying to have sex with a beer can.
So an ATM is kind of like my sex life. I get drunk and it takes a few times to get it in all the way, and comes back out mangled sometimes, and I often come up short.
Well, he's probably been taking money out of the ATM for whores, maybe he figured he could remove a step...
I used to live in Murfreesboro, I've been in that bar a few times (the owner's an asshole), and I think that guy used to be a regular customer at the Stop N Rob I worked at. (We didn't have an ATM, so no stories about him raping it.)
James Brown would have loved this thread. "A-gitohhhhnaSCEEN-ah! (Git ohn up!) A-lahk-a sex maSHEEN-ah!"
1/5th of all Brits would fuck a robot. You give me a sex bot that looks like this: This: This: This: This: Or this: And I would totally pound the rivets out of that bitch!
That's why the good Lord invented replicators! Just have it spit out a copy of her when the old one died. And don't hand me the bullshit of it not being able to do that. If the transporters can figure out how to beam Data to a planet, then the replicators can figure out how to make a copy of his daughter.
