gun control part 1: fuck yeah

Arm photon torpedoes!

Intruder Alert

Grab stabby thing from bedside.
Wait for ADT to send cops.

Intruder Alert

*checks clock* what time is it?

*Listens* did I lock the door?

*goes back to sleep*

*Jenee dies*
*Jenee is incapable of retaliating
*Jenee is incapable of getting angry*
*Jenee doesn't even know she was murdered*

*Marc calls police*
*Police investigate*

Scenario 1 - police find murderer and prosecute
Scenario 2 - police find murderer and s/he is aquitted
Scenario 3 - police do not find murderer

Results:

Jenee is still dead and doesn't care cuz she's on her way to her next life.

Yeah, this. No warning shots, no "charging the shotgun" to scare the intruders off. If all they want to do is steal stuff, that's what insurance is for.

That's why it's a good idea to sleep in workout shorts and a t-shirt. Also do you have a light on your .45 or a flashlight next to your .45? Most violent home intruder encounters (as opposed to a home invasion) occur in low light conditions. Just something to think about.

I have an LED flashlight. Used to have as Maglight (the billy club sized one) but the LED gives a better field of light. I wouldn't mind a light on the pistol, I guess, but it's a series 70 Gold Cup with no rails. I learned all this stuff before gun lights and lasers were a thing.

In forbin's case no jammies would scare off most intruders.

How about
Intruder Alert

Alexa: activate self destruct

Weird lights. Weird music. And Samuel Jackson counting down.

I like it!

Nekkid forbin?

No. The Alexis response.

no gun light? No problem!

that's what your fucking mouth is for.

Here's my daily carry: Coast HP1

fucking awesome light for cheap. knurled grip is a little scratchy but you're less likely to drop it.

That's a Darwin Award waiting to happen...

the flashlight, silly.

I carry one of these.

https://www.amazon.com/Streamlight-85400-Scorpion-Tactical-Flashlight/dp/B00HZAXAW8

Any flashlight that can't switch to a laser pointer to blind a fucka or distract cats is worthless.

I don't have room in my pants for that with what I'm carrying.

Torch. It's called a torch.

Sshhh! I'm humoring them.

See, I didn't even put the second U in humoring.

For what it's worth, mine can strobe, which will disorient the hell out of a fucka and send cats screaming.

Some bitch-ass cats, maybe. Mine sees a strobe and she's dancin'.

No, he's banned, remember?

"I'm sick and tired of these motherfucking intruders in this motherfucking house! You've got 10 motherfucking seconds to get your motherfucking bitchass out of here before this motherfucking house blows on motherfucking principle!"

Good idea.

Okay, still good.

[looks around at empty room]
Fuck. Anyway, still makes sense.

Wise.

You son of a bitch, you've killed us all.

sweet! Beats that tacticool flashlight that you can freeze in a block of ice and run over with a tank and shit!

Worst Flashlight Ever - YouTube

This may be too intense for younger viewers:

Self destruct fail. It should have been this.

I told you mine might be too intense.

It was boooooring.