I've been asked how I would have done STXI, and I finally finished an outline to that end. Teaser Open on Tarsus IV. It looks much like the Great Plains did during the beginning of the Dust Bowl years of the Great Depression, with much of the ground cover reduced to stubble, and some of the loose topsoil blowing in the wind. We see a frightened, crying young boy running down a dirt road, and pan to see that he's running toward a modest farm house. This is a young Kevin Thomas Riley. Bursting in through the front door, Kevin shouts out a warning to the Kirk family, who are gathered around watching a news feed about the fungus that is causing the drought-like conditions outside and the widespread famine. At first Kevin is hard to understand, but once they get him to calm down he is able to explain that the rest of his family has been rounded up by soldiers and that they are going to do the same to the Kirk's by order of the governor. As if on cue, the news feed changes to Governor Kodos, announcing that although the majority of the food supplies have been destroyed by the fungus, some of it has survived. In order to make distribution more efficient, he has ordered the colonial militia to collect families to bring them into the colony proper. He says that although they will all be hungry for a while until Federation ships can bring relief supplies. Kevin tells the Kirk's that the governor is lying, and that the soldiers killed his parents when they tried to send the soldiers away. George Kirk is at first skeptical, but they can all tell that Kevin is genuinely scared. As a precaution, George goes and gets a couple old plasma rifle (like the 23rd century version of a .22). He gives one to his wife and keeps the other for himself. Sure enough, soldiers of the colonial militia (4 in all) show up and knock on the front door. George cautiously answers it and greets the soldiers, keeping his rifle out of their view behind the door. The soldiers explain that they've been ordered to bring all the farm families in to the capitol for food distribution. George tries to play it cool and declines the offer, but the soldier he's talking to immediately loses his temper and knocks the elder Kirk to the ground. The officer points his own rifle at George and tells him that it wasn't an "offer". Winona Kirk, having watched from an interior doorway reacts by stepping out and firing at the colonial officer, hitting him in the shoulder and knocking him down. One of the soldiers accompanying him then opens fire on Winona, killing her instantly. George, though still on the floor, is able to recover his rifle and uses it to kill the soldier. George Samuel and James both run to their mother, crying out for her. George is able to slam the door shut and get back up. He shouts at George Samuel to pick up his mother's rifle and to protect his brother Jim. The other soldiers shoot the door off of its hinges and charge in. Everyone is able to take cover, and there's a short firefight until one of the soldiers is killed by George Samuel. The other soldier attempts to make a retreat, but is killed by George as he gets to the door. The leader/officer of the group, has gotten back into the vehicle the group came in and is calling for reinforcements. As soon as George Kirk comes out of the door, the officer shuts the door on his vehicle and takes off. George opens fire on it, but the vehicle is armored enough to prevent any real damage. George Kirk goes back into his home to find his sons crying over the body of their mother, with Kevin Riley standing nearby. George briefly kneels by his wife, allowing himself to tear up as he strokes her cheek with one of his hands. He then closes her eyes and pulls his sons to their feet, telling them that they don't have much time. They hesitate, and George shouts at them to get into the car. He notes that Kevin is pretty traumatized himself, and guides the boy out the door with him. Putting him in the back seat with 13 year old James T. Kirk, George gets into the driver seat of the hover car and sets off into the wilderness.
Act One James T. Kirk, now 17, stands in the grey uniform of the Starfleet cadet. The others he is with are standing at attention, and Kirk is as well, except he is obviously distracted and looking down and to the left. We hear someone calling his name, getting louder each time until they finally shout it. Kirk snaps fully to attention when the instructor (Ben Finney?) who had been calling his name gets in his face and starts chewing him out. This is Kirk's first day at the academy, so the instructor basically tells him to get his stuff together or he isn't going to last long. The upperclassmen are standing nearby one of whom we'd recognize as a young Spock. Another one is Cadet Finnegan, who is looking rather smug and amused at Kirk getting chewed out. At this point the upperclassmen are brought to attention and told that they are to help train the new freshmen (referred to as "plebes"). They are told that they are not to take this responsibility lightly, and that this is their first taste of the responsibilities they will have as a Starfleet officer commanding others. The next scene is Kirk being rudely awakened by a bucketful of water thrown at him by Finnegan, who grins at has handiwork. This is in a bay, and all the other cadets are also being given rude awakenings, though most of them are based on loud noises rather than cold water to the face. Finnegan tells him that it's time to get up for a little PT. Next we see a montage of Kirk running and doing other PT exercises, always with a jeering Finnegan nearby. At one point Kirk is doing pushups, and Finnegan puts his foot on Kirk's back and pushes against him, until Kirk is no longer able to hold up against it and flops down to the ground. Finnegan uses the opportunity to say some more disparaging things to Kirk, including something about his mother. Kirk looks really pissed, but does nothing, all while a disapproving Cadet Spock looks on, standing next to his own lowerclassman charge. Kirk is finally looking comfortable and somewhat at peace as he sits in a lecture hall, listening to a history lecture by Professor John Gill about Captain Garth of Iztar's exploits. The lecture wraps up and Kirk files out with all the other freshman cadets in the class. Finnegan meets him outside the door of the building and immediately lays into Kirk again. It's obvious that Kirk has had about enough when Finnegan yet again insults his mother. Kirk turns to face his tormentor and manages to calmly explain that his mother was murdered and that he'd appreciate it if Finnegan wouldn't go there. Finnegan smiles and takes delight in finally knowing why Kirk is always so gloomy, then proceeds to continue to insult Kirk and his mother. Kirk coolly tells Finnegan off, explaining that he's pretty sure that what he's doing goes beyond what's allowed. Then he goes further by telling Finnegan that when he's an upperclassman, he'll be sure to remember him, in order to specifically avoid lording his position over his plebe the way Finnegan is. Finnegan's response is to punch Kirk in the face, at which point we start to hear Ben Finney calling out Finnegan's name. Kirk just wipes the blood from his lip and looks defiantly at Finnegan. By now Lt. Finney is at Finnegan's side, chewing the cadet out and ordering him to stand down. Finnegan is apparently angry enough to not only disobey Finney, but to take a swing at the Lt. Finney responds very quickly, and using close quarters combat techniques he puts Finnegan on the ground and in a world of hurt. Finney then tells the security officers who were accompanying him to place Finnegan under arrest and take him to lock-up. As Finnegan is taken away, Finney takes the time to apologize to Kirk for no one taking action any earlier. Kirk kind of shrugs it off, and instead focuses on how easily Finney dealt with Finnegan. Kirk asks Finney if he can teach him how to do that, and Finney smiles and tells him that he can, if he signs up for his close quarters combat class the next fall. Kirk tells Finney to call him Jim, but Finney reminds him that he's still a cadet and needs to earn his first name back. Kirk tells Finney that he'd do just that, in only two more years. Finney tells him that as his new instructor, he'll be sure to hold him to that. The men smile and salute one another.
Act Two The USS Republic is docked to a station in orbit of Earth. Cutting to an interior shot, we see Ensign Kirk walking through the corridors, carrying a large duffle bag. He's looking at door numbers, repeating the same number under his breath each time he comes to a door. After a little while he finds his room and enters it, and is pleasantly surprised to see Lt. Finney there, laying on one of the two beds. Kirk plays it cool and asks Finney if he's there to see him off. As it turns out, Commander Mallory, the captain of the Republic, has done Finney a favor by giving him a spot aboard the ship, and while it's an engineering job instead of security, it will still give Finney a chance at promotion to another ship and hopefully he'll still get a shot at commanding his own ship someday. Finney explains that he's spent a lot longer as an instructor at the academy than he should have, and that the lack of active duty service has hurt his chances at ever getting a promotion above his current rank. Kirk says something along the lines of, "oh, I guess he listened to me after all." As it turns out, Kirk said something about how awesome Finney was to him at the Academy, and apparently Mallory gave Finney a job because of it. This is where we get a little background on Mallory's relationship to Kirk in the form of a brief flashback. Kirk narrates, and there is no dialog or sound over the flashback scenes. Kirk explains that when he was 13, he was a survivor of the Tarsus IV massacre. We see a young Kirk standing up on the transporter pad of the Republic, apparently just having been beamed up along with the rest of the group he was hiding out with. He looks at Mallory, who is there to meet them, and helps them off of the transporter pad and into the care of a doctor. Kirk's voice explains that someone was able to get a distress signal off to Starfleet, and that the Republic was the first ship to respond. Young Kirk looks up at Mallory while the doctor is scanning him. The captain puts a reassuring hand on the boy's shoulder, as if to tell him that he's safe now. Kirk's voice explains that Mallory found him and that afterwards, Mallory became something of another father figure to him, and is the reason he decided to enter Starfleet. Thanks to Mallory's help, he was able to enter the academy a year early, at 17 instead of 18. Back in "present day", Kirk and Finney finish settling in and report for duty. Captain Mallory greets the two men, and expresses his pride at Kirk doing well enough at the Academy in order to finish his last year aboard the Republic as a brevet ensign. He also confirms that it's because of Kirk's stories about him that he's given Finney a job aboard his ship, even if he doesn't have any security spots open right now. For now, both Kirk and Finney are serving as line officers, and both are assigned to the engineering section for the beginning of their cruise. They are then introduced to their supervisor, Lt. Spock. Finney recognizes the half-Vulcan and makes mention of the incident with Finnegan, because Spock was the one who let Finney know about what was going on. Spock acknowledges this and says that he's looking forward to serving with them. The Republic begins its cruise, warping off into space. At a Federation colony, not unlike Tarsus IV, a small Klingon fleet drops out of warp right into orbit of the planet. They easily defeat the colony defenses and kill everyone there before raiding all the valuables and trying to make it look like Orion pirates did this. The one shouting the instructions is none other than the soldier we saw escape at the beginning of the movie. Mallory gets a call about the attack on the colony and is asked to check it out to see if he can determine who has attacked the colony. It would be made clear that this is not the first colony to be attacked in this fashion. Mallory gives a briefing on the situation while the Republic is en route to the colony. He explains the situation and that while so far the implication is that the Orion Syndicate has been making these raids that Starfleet is skeptical, because these raids are far too brazen and large scale for the Orions. This makes the Republic's assignment important, because if they establish that this is indeed the work of the Orions, that it signals a shift in the Syndicate and the possibility of an intensified conflict with them, all while the Klingon Empire has renewed its disputes of some border systems. Kirk and Mallory, owing to their security training, are assigned to the team conducting the investigation, with Spock lending his scientific expertise to help conduct a forensic analysis of any evidence they find. The Republic arrives at the colony and beams down a landing party. Kirk and Finney help to secure the landing site along with a security detail with the ship, then goes on to help the science team conduct its investigation. There would be a short montage as the team explores the devastated colony, finding bodies of people everywhere. While most of the bodies show us that disruptors really don't do very pretty things to flesh, one of them has wounds from a bladed weapon. Spock scans the body and finds that the wound could have possibly been caused by a Klingon d'k tahg, but he will have to make a more detailed analysis later. Kirk is bothered by Spock's seeming coldness to the situation, but only briefly mentions this to Finney, who warns him against saying anything. Moving on, Spock starts on the colony's computer, attempting to extract any information from it which might identify the attackers. Spock remarks that the colony's computers have had a large portion of its records wiped, which is notable because Orions have never bothered to cover up any of the attacks they've made on colonies before. Finney remarks that they've never bothered killing everyone at a colony either, since they could potentially make money off of them by selling them into slavery. Spock acknowledges this and continues working on the colony's computer, until he manages to come up with something, which he doesn't identify immediately beyond simply saying "Fascinating..." Right away we're in the briefing room again, looking at a picture of the attacking Klingon ships. Spock explains that this image was taken by the orbital defenses before they were destroyed, and that while the Klingons were very thorough in deleting most of the record of their attack, they missed part of the backup for this one orbital defense satellite. Between this and the analysis of the wound Spock found, he believes that there’s a good chance that the Klingons attacked this colony, though he acknowledges that it is also possible that the evidence has been planted. Mallory tells his communications officer to send Starfleet this information and set up a communication with the admiral who sent them on this investigation. The Federation and Klingon ambassadors meet in the Federation ambassador’s office about the information the Republic has found. They trade words, the way politicians do, and what it comes down to is that the Federation doesn’t really have enough to make any accusations against the Empire, because the evidence they recovered could be planted in order to provoke a war between the Empire and the Federation. The Federation ambassador agrees that could be the case, but gives a rather foreboding implication that the investigation is ongoing, and that sooner or later, the Federation will know who is behind these attacks. Back on the Klingon warship from earlier, a Klingon general is chewing out the gathered officers, one of whom is the former colonial militiaman, who is now a mercenary. The mercenary sits silently through it until the general signs off. At that point he tries to start doing a little chewing out on his own, but the Klingons won’t have any of it and remind him that they only tolerate him because they need him. Back on the Republic, Kirk hands Captain Mallory a regular report from his engineering duties. Kirk and his captain discuss the attacks and what Starfleet might do if it turns out they’ve been carried out by the Klingons. Mallory does humor him a little in his discussion, but warns Kirk against jumping to conclusions, while at the same time commending him for his keen mind. At this point Kirk takes note of a rather fatigued Spock, who is working busily at the science station. Mallory explains that Spock has been working non-stop since the briefing we saw, alternating between the bridge during his duty hours and the science lab during his off hours. When Kirk presses Mallory about why he hasn’t ordered Spock to rest, Mallory explains that while he’s been considering it, he knows Spock well enough by now to know better than to force the issue with him. Kirk seems confused by this, to which Mallory explains with a smile that for all their bluster about being unemotional, Vulcans have a way of letting their feelings be known, even if they do a better job at being subtle about it. In the end, he trusts Spock to know his own limits. Kirk watches Spock with a mix of admiration and bemusement. Mallory quickly signs the report Kirk has given him and hands it back to the ensign, sending Kirk back to his engineering duties. We shift our focus to Spock, who is working on some kind of statistical analysis, with lists of numbers, charts, and graphs on the several monitors of the science station. Abruptly, one of them stops and flashes some kind or result, which Spock looks interested in. A while later, Spock is giving a briefing to Mallory, the senior officers, and the small investigative team (e.g. Kirk and Finney). He explains that he has extrapolated a list of possible targets for whoever is carrying out these attacks, which he displays on a star chart. He goes through the list of criteria he used for his analysis before coming to the conclusion that one planet in particular is likely to be the next target. Naturally he lists the exact probability in his typical fashion. Mallory plays it cool and thanks Spock for his dedication and his thorough analysis. He orders his communications officer to send this information to Starfleet and to call ahead to the planet indicated, informing them of the possible attack and of the Republic’s arrival. He then calls the bridge and orders that course be set for the planet at maximum warp. With that, Mallory dismisses everyone from the briefing. Spock stays behind, and requests permission to take off his next duty shift so that he can rest in preparation for arriving at the colony. Mallory nods his assent, then lets Spock know in his own subtle way that while he’s glad Spock was able to come up with something, it would have been better had he taken breaks and rested. Spock likewise subtly brushes off this advice and leaves the captain by himself. Mallory simply smiles. Later in his quarters, Mallory gets a response from Starfleet. The admiral that has assigned them to this mission explains that while the information looks convincing, it’s hardly conclusive enough to risk expending too many resources on what could be the wrong place. Still, he’s going to send two ships to reinforce the Republic, just in case. Unfortunately, they won’t get there until a day after the Republic, so they can only hope nothing will happen until then. The small Klingon attack fleet is at warp, cruising to its next target. Inside the lead ship, the human mercenary is briefing the Klingons on their next target, explaining what they will have to do to defeat the colony’s defenses. The map shows us that this is indeed the planet the Republic is heading to. The mercenary indicates that they will be changing strategy slightly, coming out of warp over the planet’s magnetic pole and attacking the orbital defenses from there, hoping that any sensor information recording the attack will be inconclusive. He also indicates that he will personally oversee the deletion of the colony sensor records, in order to avoid a repeat of their last attack. There is definite hostility between him and his Klingon “partners”. The commander not so subtly indicates that he better watch his back while down on the planet, as it would be a pity for them to lose his “valuable” services. The human simply gives them a hard stare, refusing to be intimidated. He then warns them that they better hope they don’t get caught, because the Empire would punish them all very harshly. The Republic arrives at the planet and is greeted by the local governor. Naturally they are grateful to have a starship in orbit during these troubling times, though they hope their help won’t be necessary. Mallory agrees with this sentiment, but secures permission to send down a security team to supplement their colonial militia, as well as the Spock/Kirk/Finney team to help out with the computer aspect of the colony defenses. Down on the planet, Spock, Kirk, and Finney hang out at the capitol building of the colony, meeting up with the governor and some colonial soldiers before making their way down to the “command center” of the colony defenses. Spock starts giving some suggestions right off the bat while Kirk and Finney watch on, without much else to do at this point aside from acting as glorified body guards. The Klingon attack force is ready to attack. On the bridge, its crew waits anxiously for the upcoming battle. Only the alert from the tactical sensors breaks the mood, as the overseeing officer reports the presence of a Federation starship in orbit of the planet. The commander scowls, but orders his crew to proceed with the attack as planned. The small fleet drops out of warp over the frozen arctic region of the planet and moves into an attack formation. The commander gives the order to fire, and the five ships making up the fleet unleash disruptor and torpedo fire on targets too far away to see. The red alert klaxon blares on the bridge of the Repubic, it’s crew now at battle stations. The tactical officer reports that an unknown number of ships have entered orbit above the magnetic pole of the planet and have opened fire on the orbital defenses, which are currently returning fire. Mallory orders a distress call to be sent to Starfleet, indicating that they are about to engage the attackers. The communications officer reports that communications are being jammed. Mallory is visibly disappointed, but orders his ship into battle nonetheless. He orders his tactical officer to fire on the first target that sensors are able to lock on to. In orbit, Republic climbs away from the planet, and rushes toward the frozen northern pole of the planet as the unseen enemy and the defense satellites trade fire. Alarms are blaring in the colony’s defense command center as reports come in from the attack. The governor orders that a distress signal be sent out, only to be given the report that communications have been jammed. Spock takes a seat and lends a helping hand. He reports that the Republic has engaged the hostile targets, which are being masked by the planet’s magnetic field and considerable sensor jamming. He works to break through the jamming with counter-electronic warfare, but can’t guarantee results. In the meantime he suggests that the governor readies his troops for a hostile landing from the attacking ships. The Republic opens fire on the distant specs of light that are the Klingon ships, which then return the favor, hitting Republic multiple times. The small ship’s shield flare up in a protective bubble around the ship. On the bridge of the main Klingon ship, the commander orders two ships to break off to deal with the annoying Federation ship. He then angrily orders his troops to beam down to begin their attack. The mercenary receives the orders in the transporter room, and is among the first to beam down. Red transporter beams materialize Klingon soldiers in the streets of the capitol city. Almost immediately, they open fire on anyone in sight. After mowing down all the civilians in the area, they are confronted by several armored vehicles from the colonial militia, followed by a horde of colonial infantry. The opposing forces open fire on each other, taking cover as best they can. In the command center a militia officer reports the engagement, and that they are definitely facing Klingons. A general orders reinforcements to be sent to the area while the governor orders the evacuation of civilians from the area. The governor laments that despite the advanced warning, they’ve been caught with their pants down. Just then, more reports come in of more hostile beam-downs in different areas of the city. Sirens wail in the streets of the capitol city, punctuated by explosions and the sound of phaser and disruptor fire. The Republic’s tactical officer reports that their shields are failing, and damage reports are coming in from all over the ship. For now Mallory keeps up the attack, trying to fend off the two ships attacking them by bringing them closer to the defense satellites. Still, it’s obvious that the ship isn’t going to take much more punishment, and despite the helmsman’s attempts to evade fire and the phasers blowing up all the incoming torpedoes, most of the disruptor shots are finding their targets. Getting visibly angry at their situation, Mallory orders his tactical officer to focus all his attention on one of the Klingon ships, saying that they’re going to “take at least one of those bastards with us!” The Republic makes a banking turn and heads right for their intended target, all of her phasers and torpedoes opening up on the Klingon ship, despite the incoming fire. As the Republic closes on its target, the Klingon ship’s shields collapse under the focused attack. The hull takes several hard hits, until the Republic’s weapons are able to penetrate the heavy armor and pierce the ship completely. The former antagonist breaks up and explodes. However, the other Klingon ship lands several blows, and the Republic’s shields fail. A disruptor blast hits the hull, penetrating the much thinner armor of the Starfleet vessel. There is massive internal damage, and we cut briefly to sickbay, where the doctor has to deal with the grisly results as they limp or are carried in through the door. On the bridge, Mallory receives the damage report and knows he has to break orbit if his ship is to survive long enough to report what’s happened to Starfleet. He mulls over the idea of leaving his people on the planet behind to fend for themselves, then gives the order to retreat at maximum warp. In the command center, Spock reports the Republic’s departure, followed shortly by reports of the imminent destruction of the orbital defenses. They’re on their own. The Klingon commander laughs at the report of the Federation ship’s retreat, enjoying his victory. He orders one of his ships to follow and destroy the Federation cowards. The defense satellites are destroyed, one by one, firing valiantly until the moment they are destroyed. Reports come in as each of the defense satellites are destroyed, until there are none left. Shortly afterwards, the remaining Klingon ships begin opening fire on the outlying colony settlements. Spock, as calm and collected as ever, recommends that the governor pull everyone back to the area protected by the magnetic shield so they can better defend themselves until Republic can return with reinforcements.
Act Three Open in the Vulcan desert. A flashback. A memory. Light and sound seem dull, slow. A young Spock walks through the wilderness of his home planet, undergoing his kahs-wan. It’s getting late, the reddish sun sinking low in the sky. An animal calls in the distance, and Spock turns. His pet sehlat bounds anxiously after him, crying out with happiness at having tracked its master down. Spock calls out to his pet, telling it to go home, as he must face this challenge on his own. Just then there is a wild cry from over a hill – a wild le-matya. At first Spock hesitates, and his expression displays a little fear as he watches the carnivore charging toward him. Spock pulls an improvised knife he made on his journey and prepares to use it, but just as the le-matya leaps in the air to tackle him, his pet sehlat tackles the le-matya in mid-air and takes it down. A rather nasty fight ensues, and the smaller sehlat is bested by the venomous le-matya. Mortally wounded, the sehlat can only whimper and writhe weakly in pain on the ground. The unexpected obstacle out of the way, the le-matya once again focuses its attention on young Spock. Just as the tiger-like beast is about to leap again, it is pelted by a rather sizeable stone in the top of its head. Enraged, it turns its attention on its new attacker and roars. At this point we'd see that the rock-thrower is another, slightly older Vulcan boy, who just then hurls another rock that hits the le-matya in one of its eyes. The le-matya charges the other Vulcan, but he is able to move slightly to the side and essentially embrace the beast as it rolls to the ground. Hugging the big cat tightly, he is able to give it a nerve pinch, putting it out. Spock runs to help the other Vulcan out from under the unconscious le-matya and recognizes his older cousin, whose name he calls out: Selek. Selek tells Spock he is fine, and attention is turned to the mortally wounded sehlat. It's explained that the le-matya's front claws are venomous, and that the sehlat is doomed to die a slow, painful death. Selek admonishes him for giving away his position to the le-matya, and tells him that he must now make a choice for his pet. Let it die on its own, or give it a quick death. Spock kneels next to his pet and runs his hand through its fur, bringing his hands to cup the animal's head in his hands. He seems to stare into its eyes for a brief moment, then with a quick movement he breaks his pet's neck, killing it instantly. Lt. Spock wakes up, but manages to keep from showing any sign he’d just relived a traumatic moment. Kirk notices that he is awake and goes to his side, giving him something to drink. We can see that Spock has taken a blow to the head, as there is a green-stained bandage on his temple. The command center has taken some damage, and the room now has some civilian refugees in it, trying to stay out of the way of the activity. Kirk brings him up to speed on the situation, and almost as an afterthought asks Spock if he was dreaming. At first it looks like Spock is going to deny it, but after giving Kirk a thoughtful look he explains that as it has been a while since he last meditated, his subconscious is starting to get the better of him, and that it is not normal for Vulcans to dream as he just did. He then goes on to explain the event from his childhood, which he had dreamed about. Kirk asks if Spock thinks they may be in a hopeless situation. Spock doesn’t know, nor does he know why he is sharing this personal information with Kirk, other than that he senses he can trust Kirk. Kirk seems flattered by this, and as if for a quid pro quo, he briefly sums up what happened to him at Tarsus IV, and how he met Mallory, and how he became so driven to become a Starfleet captain, in spite of resistance from his father. Spock reacts a little to this, but says nothing more. Before either of them can speak about anything else, the governor approaches them and asks to speak to them. Around a kind of situation table with a map displayed on it, the governor, his militia leader, Kirk, Spock, and Finney discuss the possibility of carrying out a counter-strike on what they believe to be the enemy’s command post. Things have simmered down, and both sides seem to be digging in for the long haul. As it is too dangerous to move on the surface, it is proposed that the strike team move through the storm sewers underneath the city, hoping that the Klingons haven’t thought of that. Spock is against it, at the very least until the Republic can get there with reinforcements. Kirk and Finney think they can do it between what is left of the security team and the militia there at the command center. While the governor unsuccessfully tries to pressure Spock into giving his authorization for the Starfleet personnel on hand to go with, it isn’t until Kirk lays out how perfectly logical it is to strike now in order to take advantage of the element of surprise, and to deprive the enemy of a command center so close to their own. At best they might also take out the enemy leadership and at worst they will harass and demoralize the enemy. Spock almost seems amused as he gives his assent to the plan, but he stipulates that he must lead the Starfleet personnel personally. In the Klingon command post, the human mercenary is arguing with the commander in the lead ship, trying to get him to cut their losses and get our of there because this attack is taking too long. The Klingon commander reminds him that if he’s worried about getting caught, that they would still be identified at this point. They must now finish on this planet before they can return home, so they will have at least some honor remaining. If they return home before then, they will all be killed for their disgrace. Being more pragmatic, the merc naturally says that it’s more likely so the Empire can maintain plausible deniability, probably claiming that they are a rogue element within the fleet in case they get caught. The commander is disgusted, but does not deny this explanation before breaking communications. The merc turns his attention to the Klingons on the ground, trying to tell them that they should station some sentries down in the sewers beneath the command post. The Klingons want nothing of it, obviously tired of having this human bossing them around. The highest ranking Klingon there explains that they have guards at all the entrances in and around the command post, but that he can join the rest of the filth in the sewer if he so wishes. The joint team of Starfleet personnel and colonial militia make their way through the storm sewers beneath the city. I’d probably through some comedy relief in here in reference to how bad it would probably smell down there, even if it’s just a storm sewer. For the most part, though, they’d make their way rather quietly along. Coming to a ladder, the team splits up, with some of them stopping at this ladder, while the rest of the team goes on to another ladder further down. We’d focus on the faces of the people in the team (which would include Kirk, Spock, and Finney) while they wait for the others to get into position. A short while later, Spock’s communicator would chirp a few times, signaling that the others were in position and to start the attack. A militiaman would lead the way, rushing up the ladder, lifting up the lid, and throwing some grenades out. There’d be some commotion up top while the Klingons scramble to react, and a series of explosions as the lid slams shut. After the explosions have gone off, more people climb up the ladder as the point man lifts the lid back up and throws it aside as best as he can. In the lower level of the building being used as the Klingon command post, Starfleet security and colonial militia pour out of the manhole opening, sweeping the area and noting the presence of the dead Klingon sentries around them. Suddenly, disruptor fire comes out of haze, striking several people and taking them down. The good guys return fire, though they can’t really see what they are shooting at, while their comrades take cover to help them out. In the Klingon command post, the merc reacts angerly to the blaring alarms, shouting to the Klingons that he’d warned them not to underestimate the colonials. He grabs a disruptor and heads down to the fighting with a team of Klingons at his back. In orbit, there are three flashes of light in the distance as three Starfleet ships decelerate out of warp. A Constitution class ship takes the lead, flanked by the Republic and a single-nacelled destroyer. They open fire and we’d pan to see the distant shapes of the three remaining Klingon ships. The Starfleet ships break off into a looser formation, matching the Klingon ships, which are now returning fire. Mallory looks at the image of Captain Robert April on his viewscreen. April tells him that Enterprise will focus its attention on the lead ships if the others will keep the escorts distracted. Mallory acknowledges the order and returns the viewscreen to a tactical display. He orders his tactical officer to focus his fire on the Klingon ships engine. The orbital battle ensues, phasers, disruptors, and torpedoes streaking through the space between the Federation and Klingon ships. On the surface, Kirk, Spock, and Finney stick fairly close together as they fight their way into the Klingon command post. There are casualties on both sides, but the battle is clearly in favor of the Starfleet/colonial force. On the other side, we can see the human mercenary fighting alongside the Klingons, who have put aside their issues with him for now. They fire at the shapes of their enemy, occasionally hitting one as they advance toward their position. The mercenary angrily demands to know where their reinforcements are, only to be rebuked by the Klingon ground commander as he explains the humans have effectively sealed off the building, and it will take a while for their reinforcements to break through. The merc asks why they don’t simply beam in, at which point he learns about the ensuing orbital battle. The merc naturally looks disheartened by that, but the Klingon tells him that they could still win, and that they must keep fighting at all costs. In orbit, the Republic delivers the killing blow to the Klingon ship it was fighting. On the bridge, the crew watches with hardened faces as the Klingon ship breaks up and explodes. There is no cheering, at least not out loud. Mallory orders his crew to help their escorting destroyer out. On the surface, one of the militia officers discusses the situation with Spock. He doesn’t think they can keep up the attack much longer, as they are losing too many people, and the Klingon reinforcements could break through their barricades at any time. Everyone there looks visibly disappointed. Spock agrees with the assessment, but orders that charges be planted prior to their retreat – hopefully they can collapse the building as a last ditch effort to take out the command post and inflict as much damage on the Klingons as possible. Just as they are about to do that, they get a call from the militia general, informing them of the orbital battle. Since one of the Klingon ships has already been destroyed, it only seems to be a matter of time before the others are destroyed or retreat. In order to take advantage of this, the general has ordered his remaining ground forces to engage the Klingons in a frontal assault, hoping they can push through to the command center from the outside. Spock informs the general of their situation and their plan to plant charges. The general understands, but asks Spock to hold off on that plan as long as possible. Spock agrees, but has them plant the charges while they still have the opportunity. On the Klingon command ship, the commander watches as his last remaining escort ship is destroyed, and the other Starfleet ships begin to attack the ship he’s on. He realizes the situation is dire even as he orders his crew to keep fighting. He then orders his communications officer to open a channel to their forces on the surface. The merc and the ground commander listen as they are told what has happened in orbit. Their command ship won’t last much longer, so even if they manage to push the enemy back on the surface, it will only be a matter of time until they are overrun. The Klingon commander watches as the Starfleet ships close on his ship, firing as they come. He finishes his communication by saying, “today was a good day…” Just then an explosion rips through the bridge. We watch as the Klingon cruiser is destroyed, exploding as a few last phaser beams and torpedoes find their targets. On the surface, the Klignon soldiers begin to kill themselves, some choosing to vaporize themselves with their disruptors, some stabbing themselves with their knives or swords, and even a few making suicidal charges at the Starfleet/colonial position. The merc stares in shock and asks the ground commander what they are doing. The Klingon rebukes him and tells him that a Klingon would understand. He then charges at Kirk and Finney’s position, meeting his end from their phaser blasts. Kirk turns to Spock and asks what the hell is going on. Spock calmly explains that Klingons do not allow themselves to be taken prisoner. He surmises that the Klingon ships have been destroyed, and they soon receive confirmation of this when Malloy calls down to his crew and informs them of as much. Spock gives Mallory the casualty report as he knows it while the battle comes to its final conclusion. When all is said and done, Kirk approaches the position of the merc, followed closely by Finney and Spock. The merc has fashioned a white flag and thrown his weapon away. As Kirk reaches him, we can see the recognition on his face, and Kirk levels his phaser on the man. When Finney asks him about it, Kirk explains through clinched teeth that this is the bastard who came to kill his family. We can tell that everyone present is surprised, including Spock. The merc argues for his life, but it looks like Kirk is getting ready to kill him. Spock asks Kirk what purpose killing the man would serve now, aside from a petty personal one. Kirk doesn’t answer directly. Instead, he orders Finney to cuff the bastard, keeping the phaser on him until Finney has him restrained. Kirk then lowers his phaser and walks away. Spock watches him leave, then reports to Mallory that they have someone in custody. In the Republic’s briefing room, Captain April gives the gathered crew the rundown over the viewer. As expected, the Klingon Empire denied all knowledge of the attacks on their colonies. In fact, they thanked the Federation for saving them the trouble of having to kill what they considered to be a group of rogue warriors, risking an open conflict with the Federation for some personal glory. It’s pretty obvious that none of the Starfleet officers think this is true, but the Federation is considering the matter to be finished. Relief efforts are to begin on the colony they managed to successfully defend, with Enterprise remaining to lead those efforts until more ships can arrive. In the meantime, Republic and the other ship are ordered to complete as many repairs as they can while in orbit, then return to their home bases to complete repairs. The briefing breaks up, but Kirk and Finney remain behind, looking out the briefing room windows at the Enterprise. They admire the new ship briefly, then Finney pats Kirk on the shoulder and takes his leave. As he exits the room, we can see Spock standing in the background. Kirk notes the Vulcan’s reflection in the window, and asks Spock about what happened after he was forced to kill his pet. Did he kill the le-matya? Spock tells him that while he considered it, he ended up letting the le-matya live, because the le-matya was simply following its nature, and there was no point in killing it. Spock then approaches Kirk, and stands next to him at the windows. He tells Kirk that the death of his pet can hardly compare to Kirk losing his mother, though. Kirk nods and murmurs and agreement, prompting Spock to ask Kirk why he didn’t kill the merc. Kirk explains that while he was tempted, he knew that he didn’t have it in him to kill a man in cold blood like that out of revenge, as it would make him no different from the merc. He then adds that the merc wasn’t worth it, not the consequences of killing him, or even holding on to his anger over any longer. Spock compliments him on his wise decision. Kirk smiles, and asks Spock to “call me Jim.” Spock raises an eyebrow and asks him if it would be enough to respect him as a friend. The camera would pull back, away from the Republic and the planet, reminiscent of the ending of DS9’s finale as the movie ends and goes to credits.
I'm really, really, really, really, really glad J.J. Abrams got to make STXI and not you. And that's all I can say in this forum.
It looks good to me. I've always wanted to see either an episode or a movie address Kirk's time on Tarsus IV and what drives him after that. It just seems like something worth exploring. Oh, and Lanzman, you may be the last man on earth who uses the phrase "smash bang".
Thanks guys. I've been getting pretty positive feedback on this, though Lanzman is definitely right about it needing polishing. One of these days I'd like to write a script, but I have so many projects between school and my own personal ambitions that it probably won't happen for quite a while yet. Anyway, the next movie would have Kirk back at the Academy to qualify for promotion to Lieutenant Commander and potentially his first captaincy, which would involve taking a certain test. My version would be more about making the test more "realistic", enabling Kirk to win rather than out and out cheating by turning of the enemy's shields and turning their kit points all the way down. He'd also be doing some instructing, which is how he'd meet Mitchell, and he'd also meet McCoy. Not much of a plot in mind at this point though, unfortunately.
It was an enjoyable scenario, but it doesn't seem to address the basic issue faced by the Star Trek franchise - the need to eliminate canon. You cannot have a dramatic story if your audience knows all the main characters will survive. Given the direction taken by Abrams, anything is now possible for the crew of the Enterprise, including their own deaths. Thus the dramatic potential is enhanced, and thus the door opened for entirely new stories.
that's not a story, it's an attempt to cram in a cameo from everyone but Joan Collins reanimated corpse. (Or did I skip that part?) Stick to re working Enterprise.
You are mistaken, there is no such need. There is only a need for new blood and good writing. Certainly one can, as shows do this all the time by endangering the main characters even though we know the main characters will never be killed. Star Trek has also always done this with the main ship (or station in the case of DS9). It is simply a matter of telling a story effectively and not assuming your audience is stupid. In this case I never put Kirk or Spock in any real danger of dying because I know my audience isn't stupid. Instead, I simply showed how difficult it was for the characters to overcome what they were faced with. Drama doesn't always equal having the possibility that a character will die, especially when one is trying to make a character-based story to begin with. You should know better than that. Does anyone really think that any of the crew or the ship are in danger of not making it all the way through the next movie? One of the biggest (but still pathetic) defenses I've seen of Abrams's movie was that the movie would have supposedly failed if not for name recognition. If that's the case and he kills off characters or blows up the ship, the new franchise is over. No, the only door that has been opened is to tell the exact same type of stories over again. And as I made note of earlier, placing a character in danger of death is not the only way to create drama. If anything, that is an artificial type of drama because we all know the characters will survive. Not really, no. There's a pretty decent origin story there for Kirk and Spock meeting and starting to evolve into the characters we know. The other characters they meet are incidental to this because they were simply part of the main character's lives at the time. I intend to.
This version is nothing but classic fan wankery. JJ jad to make the new movie accessible to non fans, something that Paramount has sought movie after movie. A version chock full of TOS references and canon hang ups would never have worked for the general audience, only us Trekkies.
I find that the only people who think that are fanboys of Abrams Trek, so I agree with them about as much as I agree with the TOS purists on anything. Considering how much I tried to keep the fanwank down, it actually makes me wonder how much you actually read before just declaring it that.
I took the time to read the whole thing and I agree that there is potential in this story. I did feel that it was a little bit "fanwanky" in parts, though. Far too much for any mainstream audience, although this could be pretty easily rectified with a rewrite or two. Then again, it's not like a mainstream audience would know or care one way or the other what certain characters names were. I liked that we didn't have to meet every single one of the "known" characters of TOS, although if this were a real Hollywood movie, I'm thinking that they would insist that "medic McCoy" show up at some point, as he was one of the big three. Otherwise, I think I would have enjoyed this much, much more than what we got.
Thanks. So what all is too fanwanky, and why would they bother a mainstream audience (since I'm trying to get the best of both worlds out of this)?
I just had that impression when I read things like Garth of Izar and Ben Finney being in the story. But that's coming from someone who recognizes the names. After thinking about it, a mainstream audience wouldn't know or care who those people are and the fans that recognize the names would probably appreciate it. I wouldn't go out of my way to include characters like that, but if they logically fit within the story, then there's probably no harm in it. The other thing I was wondering is if Robert April would still be in command of the Enterprise at this point or would it be the slightly more familiar Chris Pike?
^I'm not really sure, I'd have to check the timeline of when I want this set again. The other stuff I didn't really go out of my way to include so much as I saw they were part of Kirk's established past. Except Mallory, I totally made him captain of the Republic just so we'd actually get to see him. April getting a cameo was a fanboy moment, too, but those are the only ones I went out of my way with. The others I just thought it would be good to be shown as opposed to being told about, since that's what usually was the case on the show and that kind of annoys me. Any other areas I should maybe look at?
From the looks of things, your knowledge of TOS is superior to mine, so you've probably got a better handle on things. Glancing back at the outline, the "Finnegan montage" sounds kind of cheesy. Maybe somehow have a meeting and one or two incidents of Finnegan starting something and Kirk getting in trouble while Finnegan kisses ass escapes punishment (similar to Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies) would be enough to show a rivalry. Nothing else I can think of at the moment.
I once believed that the only way Star Trek could return was by a complete reboot. Abrams chose a way that made a complete reboot unnecessary. I remain convinced that was the only real option. There is no need to have the crew of the Enterprise relive the same adventures again. In addition, I disagree with your assessment that the crew is immortal. Many people thought that none of the crew of Serenity would ever die. They were wrong, were they not? And Kirk and Spock have both died onscreen. As have, in point of fact, the entirety of Picard's crew.
And it appears you still hold to that opinion. I guess if your big blue penis gets hard at the idea of a Trek reboot, I have some ideas for that, too, which I could post in another thread. But that would actually be a TV reboot, starting with TOS and going from there. He tried, I'll give him that, but he still failed because none of that made any sense, and none of it was at all consistent with what we'd seen from the era. Unless you're going to argue that holographic technology took a downturn and impulse drives were replaced by rockets. Never mind how a star going nova can destroy planets outside of its own system or how a drop of some red liquid could cause magic black holes that can stop novas, make time travel possible (instead of just destroying whatever gets caught in them), cause no ill effects in any system they are created in, but still needs to be injected at the very core of a planet in order to destroy it, or how the giant space octopus makes any sense at all as a ship, or why there were already so many other changes already in place back in the 23rd century as we saw with the appearance of the Kelvin and her crew. Really it's just easier to say that it's all a reboot, or since the time travel/AU aspect is so important that everything we see is actually from an AU entirely separate from the one we've been watching for the past 40 years or so. Based on? Yet I predict this is exactly what's going to happen anyway. And if you don't want to simply see Star Trek revived for a newer generation, why bother with a reboot or some convoluted time travel/AU storyline that makes no sense at all? Why not simply start from scratch? Though if you're going to do that, why bother calling it Star Trek when it's just an obvious rip-off of Star Wars anyway? Based on? I held no such expectation, simply because I knew that Joss Whedon likes to do stuff like that, and since this was likely to be the last time we would ever see the crew, there was nothing to say characters couldn't die. Kind of like how they killed Trip, but waited until the last episode of ENT to do so 9and even then only in a holodeck recreation). And so have a lot of other main characters. Usually they get brought back to life, unless the actor portraying them has decided to leave the show (since apparently just transferring the character never occurs to anyone). Spock coming back was the entire point of TSFS. And given how many plot devices have been used to bring people back to life before, what's to say Kirk couldn't be brought back somehow? And all of them except for Yar have been brought back. Even Data is still kind of alive in that B-4 has all his memories.
I am not saying, however, that Trek XI was perfect. At times it has seemed to me that if a Star Trek movie did not have major plot errors, it would not be a Star Trek film.
That's just because we've become used to the errors. Why everyone is suddenly excited to get yet another movie full of errors, cliches, childish humor, and action without any point is beyond me, but then again a lot of people seem to like Avatar, too.
