Hypothetical Itchyass Situation.

So does anyone ever have a day or a couple days, where no matter how many times they shower, no matter how much you scrub, IT. JUST. WON'T. STOP. You can wipe that fucker till it bleeds and 30 minutes later the fucking itch is back? And it is a fucking killer itch. But you can't scratch it b/c then you are just rubbing your pants into your asshole, so you have to hold your scratching until you get to a bathroom and can give a proper wipe.

Anyone?

Then to add to that, ever had such a situation where you have been waiting 45 minutes to get to that bathroom, and when you do you immediately drop trow, double fold a baby wipe and then start swiping that credit card as fast as you can? Which results in that eyes rolling back into your head, arched back, mouth slightly open feeling of euphoria and absolute contentment as you finally scratch that itch that has been fucking with for fuck knows forever....

But then your spouse comes in the bathroom, and then you look in the mirror and totally realize it looks like you are finger banging your ass and coming at the same time, and it is totally awkward?


That... uh... ever happen to anyone here?

I... saw it in a TV show... looked totally awkward....

http://www.healthhype.com/itchy-rectum-and-anus-causes-and-treatment.html

Sorry, no. I've never had ass-crabs. Good luck with that.

Whoa! You need to get that checked out homie!

Perhaps you should have been more selective in your choices on deployment.

They told me they wouldn't air that part.

Anc, seriously...stop the ! Or at least be the "pitcher" once in awhile!!

Or buy some diaper rash cream. That stuff works wonders on babies' butts, and they sit in soiled diapers...just like you do!

Damn, hippies are so nasty.

Might want to try one of the toilet papers with aloe. Or Tuck's Medicated Pads. Or Preparation H.

I've read applying athletes foot powder might fix it.

Steel wool.

Fungus?

I think it started like that for Farrah Fawcett, too.

Ben Gay works better than steel wool.

I'm pretty sure that's what's causing the problem in the first place.

Yep, it's the dreaded ass crack fungus. Caught by letting anyone with a spare $20 do what they want to your ass.

Yeah.

It's worse when you are in a hospital bed, from say pulmonary embolism, and you are so weak you can't even sit up without help and when you go to the bathroom you are dependent on overworked, tired nurses to get a proper wipe and sometimes they just don't.

Stuck, can't get to the itch to deal with it...that fucking sucks.

And that is when you know you have the best, most loving spouse on earth. When they will clean you in your hour of need and suffering. There is no truer love than that.

I think with a little aloe or Preparation H as a buffing compound, this could clean out an ass crack pretty well.

As long as no nuts were placed on any foreheads, it should all work out fine...

Really...is there anything worse than really cheap toilet paper?

Not only is it like sandpaper, but usually so thin fingers break through at inopportune times and places.

We used to call the Navy TP 'John Wayne.'

Because it's rough, tough, and don't take shit off of anyone.

I find it's the expensive, ultra-soft stuff that doesn't hold up.

Just give me good ol' Scott TP!

I don't buy the TP, but I'm pretty sure it's all 100% post consumer recycled paper.... :/

Charmin Ultra is like soft kevlar.

I use Preparation H moist wipes (store brand usually, not the brand name stuff) instead of dry TP.

It's bunghole heaven!

Isn't that cold?