I have a dream...

It just hit me: I have a dream. One day I want to coach the US women's gymnastics team.

Now put aside your creepy thoughts. I've outgrown my unheathy interest in women's gymnasts, now that they have women's beach volleyball. (Mmmm... Women's Beach Volleyball... )

But I want to coach so I can develop a bunch of new maneuvers--and name them after porno movie sex positions!

"OK. She's mounting the bars. It looks like she'll be going into a spinning Dirty Sanchez and transitioning to a Reverse Cowgirl..."

While I'm glad you're interested in women, isn't the women's gymnastics program full of underdeveloped 15 year olds?

A friend of mine coached a Jewish sorority in a college intramural softball league.

He said that since he and the other guy "coaching" them were both gentiles, they nailed nearly every girl on the team because the girls could still considered themselves "virgins" since they hadn't had sex with a Jew.

Did anyone make a gay joke yet?

Okay....why am I thinking Volp is gay?

Does he wink while he's blowing you?

He's a Marine.

Oh.

Wink where?

See, who's the queer now?

There's a "deep south" joke there, but I can't quite put my finger on it....

That's Volpone's job. You wanna get the Union on my back or something? Jesus.

I too have a dream.

But it involves me riding chained up hot liberal chicks around like ponies.

They already have a show with this type of commentary Volpone. It's called MXC.

"He makes the transition from the creepy uncle into the naughty prowler... OH!!! He slips through the cracks!!!"

Obvious plagiarism from the Jeriko sig!

Jeriko...

memories.....