I Love Parody - and Dan Brown is fertile ground

Darwin · Dec 10, 2005

I love parody, here is an attempt (by me!).

The Fraunhofer Legacy - By Dan Brown

Chapter 437
Langdon found himself alone with Sophie. They were in the bedroom of Sophie's long lost brother's, best friend's, aunt's neighbour. The room was bare, almost industrial. Grey and spartan. Not at all what Langdon was used to.

Chapter 438
Langdon and Sophie were still in the room of Sophie's long lost brother's, best friend's, aunt's neighbour. Why wouldn't they be?

Langdon eyed the small silver and white tablet he now held in his hand. The miniature device was brimming with symbolic references. Langdon had never seen anything like it in his life. The white oblong face of the device had a circle and a square inset in its facade. The square sat above the circle, and inset in the circle was another smaller circle. Engraved on the circle were more symbols, more clues. Chevrons, bars.

Langdon flipped over the artefact. On the back, an engraved fruit. In French, 'pomme'. In Finnish, 'omena'. The fruit had a bite from it. Omena, omen. A prophecy of foreboding. What was this object? The square on its facade - that was obvious. The square - according to occultic/Satanic doctrine, was there to represent the four elements of the world; Fire, Water, Earth, and Air. The circle obviously represented the spirit of Lucifer.

The circle was a lot like the circles which comprise the points of the Washington D.C. city Pentagram. Washington Circle, Dupont Circle, Scott Circle, and Logan Circle comprise four of the six points of a Pentagram. The only point which is not a circle is Mt. Vernon Square. A square! Langdon's mind raced. A square! Here it was in his hand. Omens. Symbols. All of it pointed to the masonic construction of the Capital itself. In the street layout of Washington D.C., the fifth point of the pentangle is the White House, a symbol placement which intended to denote that the spirit and mind of Lucifer were permanently residing in the White House. The White House! White like the object in his hand. It was all coming into focus! A sharp, horrific focus.

"Robert?", intoned Sophie, looking at him with wide green eyes.

"Sophie, this is it! This is the key we have been looking for! This is it!! The Masonic 'Tablet du Clef'!!

"Robert", Sophie began again, "It's a fucking iPod".

Chapter 439
Sophie finished explaining what an iPod was. Langdon looked bemused.

"An MP3 file? What is that?"

He doesn't know what an MP3 file is! Thought Sophie.

She thinks I am an idiot for not knowing what an MP3 is. Thought Langdon. But I DON'T know what an MP3 is. What is an MP3?

He doesn't know what an MP3 is, he really doesn't! How can he not know what an MP3 is? Sophie rolled her eyes.

Three miles away, a hunched, twisted and therefore obviously evil figure pondered. Langdon does not know what an MP3 file is!!

Sophie took a piece of paper and started drawing blocks, Langdon watched, fascinated. He suspected, no, he KNEW that beneath that cool Parisian exterior, Sophie was possibly the dirtiest bitch in Christendom. He felt his boner press into his thigh.

Sophie narrated the diagrams now taking form on the page...

"MP3 files are segmented into zillions of frames, each containing a fraction of a second's worth of audio data, ready to be reconstructed by the decoder. Inserted at the beginning of every data frame is a "header frame," which stores 32 bits of meta-data related to the coming data frame. The MP3 header begins with a " sync" block, consisting of 11 bits. The sync block allows players to search for and "lock onto" the first available occurrence of a valid frame, which is useful in MP3 broadcasting, for moving around quickly from one part of a track to another, and for skipping ID3 or other data that may be living at the start of the file. However, note that it's not enough for a player to simply find the sync block in any binary file and assume that it's a valid MP3 file, since the same pattern of 11 bits could theoretically be found in any random binary file. Thus, it's also necessary for the decoder to check for the validity of other header data as well, or for multiple valid frames in a row. There are a total 32 bits of header data that are spread over 13 header positions."

13 header positions!! Langdons imagination raced and sped to the inevitable conclusion! 13. 13! The masonic number of relevance! It was true!

Langdon slipped the switch to unlock the iPod - the small square on its surface glowed and a message appeared.

"U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I am Looking For."

Me too! Langdon turned to Sophie.

"U2! Me too! This IS what we are looking for!"

Oh for fucks sake - Sophie thought and again, rolled her soft green eyes.

"Robert", she sighed, "sometimes you are a right twat".
Click to expand...

Summerteeth · Dec 10, 2005

Oh that was aces!!!

Reno Floyd · Dec 10, 2005

I'm literally wiping tears away!

Darwin · Dec 10, 2005

*blushes*

Summer and Loony - glad I made you smile...

Cervantes · Dec 13, 2005

Oh, that was hilarious!
How I do so loathe Dan Brown...

The Exception · Dec 13, 2005

mburtonk · Dec 19, 2005

JohnAdcox · Jan 25, 2006

Obviously, it is a secret, hidden, coded iPod.

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I Love Parody - and Dan Brown is fertile ground

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Darwin Eastern European Time

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I Love Parody - and Dan Brown is fertile ground

Darwin Eastern European Time

Summerteeth Quinquennial Visitation

Reno Floyd shameless bounder

Darwin Eastern European Time

Cervantes Fighting windmills

The Exception The One Who Will Be Administrator Super Moderator

mburtonk mburtonkulous

JohnAdcox Guest

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