Okay, Paladin made me google for the original version of that "Not Your Lucky Day" joke. So here it is: And then, I also found this one :
(This one works best if you imagine the priest with an Irish accent) Father O'Doyle is walking down the street one day when he sees a crowd gathered in front of a tall apartment building. Pulling a policeman aside, the priest asks what's going on. "Thank God you're here, father," says the cop, "It's Jimmy Duggan. He's up on the roof and he says he's gonna jump! Maybe you can talk him out of it?" "I'll certainly try," says the priest. And he rushes inside and goes up to the roof. There he finds a young man sitting on the roof's ledge. "Hello, son," he says, "I'm Father O'Doyle." "Go away, father!" the young man screams, "I'm gonna jump!" "Oh, my son," the priest says reassuringly, "Won't ye think of your poor ol' mother? Think how she'll feel to lose you." "My mother is dead!" screams the boy. "Oh, I see," says the priest, with great empathy, "But then, surely ye don't want to leave your poor dad all alone." "My dad left us when I was little!" the boy cries. "Tis a pity, my son, tis a pity," the priest says mournfully, but then he pulls his trump card, "But surely ye know that the Lord still loves you. Why not put some faith in God to help you through these times?" "There is no God!" the boy yells. "Ah, go ahead and jump you fuckin' Protestant..."
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in differnt directions. Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash. They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck. But since both of them are men of god, they began to talk. The priest says that it was fortunate for these two men of the cloth to have met in such a strange way. The monk says that it was also lucky that his bottle of fine wine was left undamaged after such a great accident. So, they decide to celebrate. The priest ends up drinking almost all of the wine. And just as there's about a drink left in the whole bottle, the priest asks the rabbi if he would like a drink. The monk shrugs and says "No thanks, I'll just wait for the police to arrive."
The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out, "Having children is an Act of God!" An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are Acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them!"
