There are quite a few posters here that have children of various ages. There are quite a few posters not yet at a place in their lives where children are an option. There are some posters who have made the decision that children will form no part of their lives... I've heard that last group called 'selfish'. Don't see it, myself. Considering the number of children brought into this world by parents who hadn't thought it through and aren't really up to the job, I'd say it's far better for everyone concerned if you recognise that, for whatever reason, it's not for you. I've been called both selfish and cruel for just having one child. Again, not seeing it: daughter hasn't missed out on companions her own age - she's extremely close to some of her cousins - and she's always had the advantage of knowing she's number one in our universe. Other parents: is your family complete? Child-free: any regrets? Not ready yet: how many children do you hope to have?
I hated my brother. We still don't talk. (But we were too close in age, I think...) I would have *loved* to be an only child! My 11yo son, he *luuuuuves* his 2 year-old brother. And he's pretty protective of his sisters. And they like him, despite all the complaining they do. I'm jealous of them, frankly, that closeness...because in my case blood has not been thicker than beer with my chosen family...(i.e; close friends I actually give a flying fuck about and would take a bullet for...) But in my case, only child would have been fine.
That's interesting - the only 'only child' among my friends is the happy mother of three, and would have had four had it not been for a miscarriage. I'm the eldest of two, OH is second eldest of five, and we're more than happy with daughter. Does your own experience growing up feed into what you want for your children?
I always wanted 4, but I ended up with less....which is ok because they're a handful as it is. The SO doesn't have any of his own and I would like to have one with him eventually. He's great with mine...sometimes better than me.
At this point in my life, I'm too selfish to have a kid and to young. If I ever decide to have kids, then I won't be having them until I'm 30ish. And if I do have kids, two tops.
My wife and I decided early on that we'd have at least two kids because we'd both known too many "only children" who were spoiled brats, even as adults. Not saying that all of them are that way, obviously, but we didn't want to take any chances. I would've liked to have had a son, but such is life. If we were to find ourselves in a significantly better financial situation, we might consider adopting a boy, but I don't find that very likely. >EDITED< to add that my daughters are 17 and 12 (13 in December).
hoping for two later on in life, though that hopefully won't be until mid/late 20s. i kind of like how my larger family worked out but not enough to put up with it from the other side.
We might have kids, we might not. Something that we've been discussing is why we'd want to have kids. Not just the biological urge or "that's just what you do" but why it would be right for the two of us in the places we're both at.
To be dangerously honest, children are just too fuckin' annoying for me to ever want any of my own. And I place a very high premium on peace and quiet, which goes completely out the window if you have kids.
Lotsa reasons we didn't have kids. I'll speak mostly for myself: We didn't think we could handle the work. I was sure I didn't want the responsibility, and doubtful I could handle it. I still shun even simple responsibilities. I didn't think I was capable of raising a kid well. I didn't think I had any right to create another human being without being 100% sure of my ability to shape its morals. Who the hell am I, anyway? I didn't want to face the consequences of possibly unleashing a murderer onto the world. I didn't want to face the consequences of having a child that was disabled in some way that would make all three of our lives miserable. I didn't want to know what happens when I lose my temper with a baby and end up hurting it, either physically or emotionally. I figger there are, like, enough human beings in the world. Is the species in danger from underpopulation? I think not. Somebody has to stand up and say "I will not cintribute to the problem." And yes, there are selfish reasons as well as morally-arrived-at ones. No point in denying it, and, hell, if a person admits to being selfish, I say it's a damn good thing they didn't have a kid. The deciding factor for us when the one and only time we babysat my sister's three kids when they were one, three and five years old. By the end of the evening we were ready to kill either them or ourselves. Or my sister. We looked at each other and said "NEVER!!!" Regrets? I've had a few. Dad was always disappointed I didn't "carry on the family name" like he did. I have a small tinge of feeling that I've failed in that "responsibility." I am, afer all, the very last twig in this branch of the family tree. Oh well.
It's interesting. I am my mother's sixth and youngest and my father's only child. There is nine years between me and my handicapped brother. By the time I was five, it was only me and him left at home. The dynamics of older and younger siblings really change and shift in this situation. He is older than I, but after a certain point I was more mature, knowledgable and capable than him in some areas. Zel is youngest of two children. I wanted to have four kids when I first got married, but we wanted to be responsible about it, so waited. When we got to the minimum reasonable level to properly provide for a child, we got a larger place, moved and just...really, just as we were about to start trying to begin a family I ended up in the hospital. I may never be able to have children now. I'm not sure yet, but even if I could try and all goes well with reversing this shit I live with, it would be extremely risky...and I am 35 so it isn't going to get any less dangerous. And that is the best case scenario. Pragmatically, I probably missed my chance to be a mother...I'm not exactly the kind of candidate they look for in adoptions either.
