Locust's Works.

To kick it off, another new project I started and I am a bit scared of sounding too much like Fight Club or The Matrix.

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I wake up this morning from a horrifying nightmare. It always feels like such a let down, waking up and realizing that I am not about to die. It always feels like I am more alive when I am close to dieing. After the initial shock, the shock of finding out I am going to live today, I begin my detached life. I stare listlessly at my shower wall, while I blindly wash my body. I drink my morning coffee in front of a computer while checking my email. I am not reading the mail, I am not looking at the computer, and I just carry out the motions. I am looking at nothing. I am looking for something that is not there.
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The drive to work is mindless. The radio is on, but I don’t hear the news. I listen for something that I won’t hear, behind the glass and plastic of my car’s exterior. I hope for a sudden stop, I hope for an accident that is completely unavoidable. I wish that a tired trucker doesn’t see the stop light and hammers through the intersection, crushing in the driver’s side of my car with enough force to make it one with the passenger side of my car. I want to be crushed between the steel and glass. I want to be bloody and wafer thin. I want to be pulverized beyond recognition. I am to work on time.<o></o>
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I make small gestures of recognition to coworkers. I make my way to my cubicle. I sit and drink more coffee. There is nothing here. I can’t find what I am looking for in a ten by ten foot box. People around the office make small talk while drinking their morning coffee. I hear none of it.<o></o>
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The work is meaningless and is over before I realize I began. The days pass smoothly as long as I don’t pay attention. If I focus too much I may burst out laughing. What I do here, it doesn’t mean a thing. The company I work for is meaningless. It is all just numbers on a ticker, money in money out- profit and loss. It is an endless transfusion of green blood that keeps alive an immoral beast called commerce. If I think too hard I may hate my job. <o></o>
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I drive home and the sidewalks of the city are filled with life. People are thriving, they are living on the borrowed time of a dieing world and I pay them no attention. If I looked for an instant, I may become jealous for the life I do not possess- for the pleasures and happiness that I do not have. I drove home and never look anywhere but straight ahead. <o></o>
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I enter my apartment, throw my keys on the table, slip off my shoes, and open my refrigerator. I am not looking for food. I am looking beyond the back wall of the refrigerator, looking into my thoughts. I grab a few random items and proceed to my living room. I sit on my couch and turn on the television. I eat one of the things I brought to my coffee table and drink another. I leave the rest of them alone. After the current program ends I turn off my television. <o></o>
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I turn my computer on; it hums to life and lets off beeps. A few prompts and displays, and I am connected to the world. I mindlessly check my email. Tonight is the turning point, and the world as I know it finally ends. <o></o>
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Please share your thoughts.