Obamanation: The Mark of the Beast???

Apparently it is now illegal to do business in America without Government Approved insurance.

Ya know, this kind of hysteria on the part of the opposition is half the reason we're at the point we are now. When conservatives fail to offer coherent, realistic, and practical alternatives, and when they cling to ideologies and notions that "Obama and government action are teh devil" we end up with this perverse compromise of corporate dominance (falsely assumed to uphold free, private enterprise) and bloated government.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy, and Kennedy once fucked his secretary in the back of a Lincoln!

Volpone, you really need to quit this habit of yours of masturbating ineptly in public.

This shit is getting old.

So I've already quoted the one bit from Revelation. There's another bit that talks about how the False Prophet will rule for 42 months--pretty close to one Presidential term. And of course the Mayans have said the world would end in December 2012--pretty close to the end of the Beast's presidential term. Finally, the Church of Global Warming has said that unless we act today to stop Global Warming, all life as we know it on earth would end by 2012. When this many different religions from different times and geographical locations all come to the same conclusion, maybe there's something to it. Maybe THAT'S why the Beast won't produce his birth certificate--he isn't Kenyan, he's the antichrist.

Then as a good Christian you should be excited and happy, since that would mean the Rapture is right around the corner.

Both Lincoln and Kennedy were concerned with Civil Rights.

Lincoln was elected in 1860; Kennedy in 1960

Both were slain on a Friday and in the presence of their wives.

Both were shot from behind and in the head.

Their successors, both named Johnson, were southern Democrats, and both were in the Senate.

Andrew Johnson was born in 1808 and Lyndon Johnson was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839 and Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939.

Booth and Oswald were southerners favoring unpopular ideas.

Both Presidents' wives lost children through death while in the White House.

Lincoln's secretary, whose name was Kennedy, advised him not to go to the theater.

Kennedy's secretary, whose name was Lincoln, advised him not to go to Dallas.

John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln in a theater and ran to a warehouse.

Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and ran to a theater.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

The names Andrew Johnson and Lyndon Johnson each contain thirteen letters.

The names John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald each contain fifteen letters.

Both assassins were killed before being brought to trial.

Both Johnsons were opposed for re-election by men whose name start with "G".

Thank you Liberty Square Land at Walt Disney World for this moment.

Tuckerfan agrees: You forgot Lincoln was shot in Ford Theater and Kennedy was shot in a Lincoln!

It wasn't in the $2 dollar pamphlet I bought!

I don't generally approve of troll threads, but I must admit old Fox has been quite successful with this one. It produced exactly the intended reaction.

More importantly, now people will know what I'm talking about in threads when I start talking about The Beast.

This is silly, of course. Everyone knows that bar codes on merchandise are the sign of the Beast.

Kennedy/Lincoln trivia?

Wrong!

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

The mark of the beast, 666, is the internet. "WWW" is 666 in Hebrew! Everyone knows it!


(At least, those who don't understand much about either Hebrew or Hebrew numbers... )

I remember when I was in school around 1980/81, there was a big "rapture scare" (something to do with the 40th anniversary of Israel becoming a nation) and several of the more religious kids had these tracts that said that the newfangled bar code readers that were beginning to be installed in grocery stores and such were a sure sign that the Mark of the Beast was imminent.

I recognize the names of some of the authors cited at that link. I think they used to write articles for the old American Survival Guide magazine in the 90s (now available online, apparently, so they may still be writing articles for it). I remember at least one of them stating that the "cashless society" of debit and credit cards was the Number of the Beast in a different form.

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How well I remember it. It was based on a convoluted interpretation that involved jumping from one text to another and taking a particular approach to understanding the symbolism of each one of them. (And the biggest irony of all was that this approach was proffered by those who proclaimed the loudest that they were the only ones who had a serious approach to the issue because theirs was the interpretation that flowed from a literal reading!) They had it all figured out that the rapture would take place, at the latest, in May of 1982. It was worthy of the best conspiracy theories.

All of this was just a few years after I turned away from the fundamentalism and dispensationalism of my childhood and youth, so I didn't take it very seriously.

Those who defended that opinion so ardently haven't talked much about it lately...

Well, certainly Kennedy got fucked in the back of a Lincoln...

It's yet another example of (oh-noes!!) gay hatred...

So how is this in any way bad news? Free ticket to heaven in 2 years! I don't see the problem!

Then there was the 1988 version since that was 40 years after Israel was refounded and TBN was still a force among a certain faction of Christians.

There seems to be a rapture scare every few years or so. The last one coincided with the Y2k scare, and Hollywood even cashed in on it with an Arnie movie that Austrian Death Machine still needs to make a few songs about. Of course the new one is 2012, which Hollywood also cashed in on with another bad movie.

Hey, I liked 2012. Watching California slip into the ocean was worth the rental price by itself.

Was there nudity and sex? It's important.

[?=The mark of the beast]

A pile of fox shit.[/?]

Your sources are completely wrong.

The world will not end in 2012 for several reasons:

1. Concerning the Antichrist: his powers consist of convincing his followers to murder babies, arranging the seemingly accidental deaths of priests, and forcibly sodomizing attractive female British journalists.

I, on the other hand, can crush tanks with a gesture and can obliterate worlds. Therefore the Antichrist cannot end the world unless I allow it, and I assure all of you that I will not allow it so long as humanity continues to hold my interest.

Since I already exist in all times, I can assure you that humanity will hold my interest until 2031.

2. Not even the most enthusiastic proponent of global warming would say that global extinction from it will occur in 2012. It will be 2100 at the earliest before the continents begin to sink into the sea.

Therefore I must conclude that on this point you are the victim of hysteria.

I would resort to the time tested method of using a slap to help calm you, but since I do exist in the future I already know such an action would kill you. Therefore, I must resort to attempting to comfort you with facts.

3. I am not aware of any religion that claims that the world will end in 2012. Therefore, I conclude that this is the result of hysteria as well.

4. And finally, Obama is not the Antichrist. He has not sodomized a female British journalist and he has not caused his nanny to hang herself because he did not have a nanny as a child. Also, if he were the Antichrist, he would cause freak accidents to occur to his enemies, such as Rush Limbaugh choking from swallowing a microphone or Michelle Bachmann being found impaled on a Sybian, or Sean Hannity being found dead as the result of attempting sexual asphyxiation and failing. And the latter, at least, will not happen until well after Mr. Obama's term. And he has not ordered hunting dogs to tear priests apart, and no one has been struck by lightning in his vicinity.

I suggest you use scientific principles of observation to properly identify the Antichrist. Thank you.

No.

I am sorry.

It is only bad news if you have lied, stolen, killed, shouted at your parents, worshipped idols, engaged in pleasurable acts with a member of the same sex or with a member of another species, or failed to kill a disobedient child.

Or had sex outside of marriage.

But that is only if you a) believe in the Antichrist, and b) believe that he is more powerful than I, which he is not.

Lincoln spent time in Monroe, Maryland
Kennedy spent time in Marilyn Monroe!

Anyway, as far as a "cashless society" come around my house after my wife picks through my wallet..I'll show you "cashless."

I hope Nancy Pelosi was home for the weekend when it happened.