BELTWAY ADVENTURE WELCOME TO ADVENTURE! WOULD YOU LIKE INSTRUCTIONS? >YES YOU ARE SOMEWHERE IN BELTWAY FOREST, WHERE SOME HAVE FOUND TREASURES OF GOLD ALTHOUGH SOME HAVE ENTERED AND NEVER BEEN SEEN AGAIN. MAGIC IS SAID TO WORK IN THE FOREST. I WILL BE YOUR EYES AND HANDS. DIRECT ME WITH SIMPLE COMMANDS. YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. THERE IS SNOW OUTSIDE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. ON DESK THERE IS A BUST OF CHURCHILL. YOU HAVE A CONGRESS. YOU HAVE A SENATE. YOU HAVE A MEDIA. YOU HAVE A TELEPROMPTER. YOU HAVE A MILITARY. YOU HAVE A BIG JET. YOU HAVE $3 TRILLION OF GOLD. YOU HAVE 82% APPROVAL HEALTH. THERE IS 7.2% UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST. YOU HAVE A RACE CARD. YOU HAVE INAUGURAL PARTY LEFTOVERS. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >EAT LEFTOVERS >RETURN BUST YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. ON DESK THERE IS NO BUST OF CHURCHILL. THERE ARE NO MORE LEFTOVERS. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >GIVE SPEECH YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 81%. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >NAME TEAM ENTER TEAM NAMES. GIVE THEM WEAPONS AND SPECIAL POWERS SEPARATED BY COMMA. WHEN YOU ARE DONE PRESS CTL-T >BIDEN, BRAIN >HILLARY, RESET BUTTON >HOLDER, LAW >GEITHNER, GOLD >RAHM, CURSES >JARRETT, FASHION >AXELROD, MUSTACHE >SEBELIUS, HEALTH >LAHOOD, LIGHT RAIL >CULVER, FOOD >CHU, AIR >GOOLSBY, BLACK MAGICK >GIBBS, MOUTH >DUNN, FEMALE MOUTH ^T DO YOU WANT CZARS? >Y ENTER CZAR NAMES SEPARATED BY COMMA. WHEN YOU ARE DONE PRESS CTL-T >JONES, JENNINGS, HOLBROOK, CROWLEY, RATTNER, MONTGOMERY, BERSIN, HAYES, ROSS, STERN, ROSENTHAL, VOLKER, BROWNER, DUBOIS, DAVIS, FRIED, DEPARLE, KUNDRA, BLAIR, MITCHELL, FEINBERG, SUNSTEIN, HOLDREN, DEVANEY, GRATION, ALLISON, CHOPRA, BRENNAN, CARRION, CARTER, SAMORE I'M SORRY. THAT IS AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >IGNORE CONSTITUTION YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. YOU ARE BORED. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >GIVE RESET BUTTON TO RUSSIA, BUY CAR COMPANIES HOW MANY CAR COMPANIES? >2 THIS WILL COST $85 BILLION OF GOLD. YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU HAVE 2 CAR COMPANIES. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THEM? >GIVE TO UNIONS YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 67%. UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST IS 8.1% WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >STIMULATE ECONOMY HOW? >$1 TRILLION TARP YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH GOLD FOR THAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >BORROW GOLD FROM? >CHINA WHO DO YOU WANT GOLD TO GO TO? >BANKING AND INSURANCE FRIENDS YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 61%. UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST IS 8.3% THE FOREST PEASANTS ARE COMPLAINING. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >DEMONIZE BANKS, DEMONIZE INSURANCE, BLAME BUSH YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 61%. UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST IS 8.5% WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >GIVE SPEECH CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR SPEECH HAS WON NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >FLY JET WHERE? >EUROPE YOU ARE IN A PALACE. YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF QUEEN. WHAT DO WANT TO DO? >GIVE QUEEN IPOD YOU ARE IN OSLO. YOU ARE IN TUXEDO. WHAT DO WANT TO DO? >ACCEPT PEACE PRIZE YOU ARE IN COPENHAGEN. YOU ARE IN FRONT OF COMMITTEE. >REQUEST OLYMPICS YOU ARE ON BIG JET. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO? >MIDEAST WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO THERE? >APOLOGY SPEECH YOU ARE IN A PALACE. YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF FAT KING. HE SMELLS BAD. HE IS WEARING BED SHEET. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >BOW YOU ARE ON BIG JET. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO? >BELTWAY YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. ON THE DESK IS A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 58%. UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST IS 8.6% WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >STIMULATE ECONOMY HOW? >$1 TRILLION RECOVERY ACT I'M SORRY, YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH GOLD FOR THAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >BORROW FROM CHINA I'M SORRY, CHINA DOES NOT WANT TO LEND YOU GOLD. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >PRINT GOLD WHERE DO YOU WANT GOLD TO GO TO? >CONSTRUCTION SIGNS, WHATEVER DO YOU WANT CONGRESS TO HELP? >Y YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 55%. YOUR CONGRESS HAS 31% HEALTH. UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST IS 8.9% YOUR FRIEND AT HARVARD IS ARRESTED BY POLICEMAN. >CALL POLICEMAN STUPID, PLAY RACE CARD I'M SORRY, THAT DID NOT WORK. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >BEER SUMMIT, BLAME BUSH YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. ON THE DESK IS A TELEPHONE AND A TV. THE TELEPHONE RINGS. IT IS COPENHAGEN. YOU DO NOT GET THE OLYMPICS FOR CHICAGO. A PEASANT ON TV FROM CHICAGO CALLS FOR TEA PARTY REVOLT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >NATIONALIZE HEALTHCARE I'M SORRY, THIS NAME WILL NOT WORK. DO YOU WANT TO CALL IT SOMETHING DIFFERENT? >REFORM HEALTHCARE YOU WILL NEED A CONGRESS AND SENATE TO "REFORM HEALTHCARE" IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. >TELL CONGRESS TO REFORM HEALTHCARE YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE WITH GENERALS. AFGHANISTAN IS GOING BAD. IRAN IS BUILDING NUCLEAR BOMBS. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >PLAY GOLF YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. ON THE TV ARE TOWN HALLS. AT THE TOWN HALLS ARE PEASANTS. THEY ARE YELLING AT YOUR CONGRESS. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >ATTACK PEASANTS WITH WHAT? >MEDIA WHAT WEAPON? >RACE CARD THE PEASANTS ARE NOW ANGRIER. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >ATTACK PEASANTS WITH WHAT? >UNIONS WHAT WEAPON? >FISTS, NIGHTSTICKS YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. ON THE TV ARE YOUR CZARS. YOUR CZARS ARE PRAISING COMMUNISM. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >PLAY RACE CARD, VOICE SUPPORT FOR CZARS I'M SORRY, THIS DOES NOT WORK. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >THROW CZARS UNDER BUS CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE A SUPREME COURT VACANCY. WHO DO YOU WANT TO APPOINT? >WISE LATINA YOU SEEM TO BE HAVING PROBLEMS. DO YOU WANT TO SET PRIORITIES? >Y ENTER TOP PRIORITIES SEPARATED BY COMMAS. >HEALTH CARE, CHILDHOOD OBESITY, ECONOMY, GAS MILEAGE, GITMO, JOBS, CONSTRUCTION SIGNS, LIGHT RAIL, MUSLIM SELF ESTEEM, GOLF HANDICAP, WAR DO YOU NEED A CIGARETTE BREAK? >Y ADVENTURE WILL RESUME WHEN YOU PRESS F12 >[F12] YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF CONGRESS. ON THE DESK IS DRAFT HEALTH CARE BILL. DO YOU WANT TO READ? >N YOU CANNOT SIGN HEALTH CARE BILL UNTIL IT PASSES THROUGH CONGRESS RULES. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >CHANGE RULES, RAM THROUGH CONGRESS SAYS THEY ARE AFRAID OF PEASANTS. >TELL CONGRESS TO ATTACK PEASANTS HOW? >RACE CARD, CHOKE HOLDS YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 49%. HEALTH CARE BILL IS STALLED. YOUR CONGRESS HAS 16% HEALTH. UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST IS 9.5%. YOUR TEAM IS SHOPPING THEIR RESUMES. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >ADD PAGES TO HEALTH CARE BILL HOW MANY? >1826 DO YOU WANT TO READ NEW HEALTH CARE BILL? >N HEALTH CARE BILL NOW COST $1 TRILLION. HOW WILL YOU PAY? >PRETEND IT COSTS $0 CONGRATULATIONS! YOU NOW HAVE HEALTH CARE BILL. DO YOU WISH TO SIGN? >Y WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH HEALTH CARE BILL? >GIVE TO PEASANTS AS XMAS GIFT YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 46%. YOU HAVE LOST 3 CONGRESSMEN TO PEASANTS IN SPECIAL ELECTION REVOLT. YOUR CONGRESS HAS 11% HEALTH. UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST IS 10.0%. WAR IS GOING BAD. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >PLAY GOLF, RENAME WAR GIVE NEW NAME TO WAR. >OVERSEAS CONTINGENCY OPERATION YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. THE GOVERNOR IN ARIZONA FOREST IS THREATENING TO ENFORCE YOUR IMMIGRATION LAWS. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >ATTACK ARIZONA HOW? >RACE CARD, HOLDER HOLDER IS BUSY LOOKING FOR NEW YORK COURT FOR TRIAL FOR TERRORISTS. I MEAN UNDOCUMENTED GUEST DISSENTER. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >PLAY GOLF YOU ARE ON A GOLF GREEN. YOU ARE STANDING NEXT TO A GOLF CART. ON THE GOLF CART IS A SUITCASE WITH A RED PHONE. THE PHONE RINGS. IT IS CONGRESS. THEY ARE EVEN MORE SCARED OF PEASANTS, WHO ARE EVEN MORE PISSED OFF. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >CALM CONGRESS HOW? >TELL TO WORK ON CAP AND TRADE YOU SEEMS TO BE HAVING PROBLEMS. WOULD YOU LIKE HELP? >Y ENTER YOUR HELPERS SEPARATED BY COMMAS. >MSNBC, NYT, ACORN, SEIU, MOVE ON, NETROOTS, SOROS ARE YOU SURE? >Y SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU SURE? >Y I'M NOT TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW TO PLAY THE ADVENTURE, BUT I'M NOT SURE THAT REALLY QUALIFIES AS "HELP." ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE? >Y OKAY, YOU'RE THE BOSS. PLEASE ENTER THE NUMBER OF PUFF PIECES YOU WANT. >180 PLEASE ENTER THE NUMBER OF ATTACK PIECES YOU WANT. >5276 ATTACK PIECES HAVE BACKFIRED. MEDIA IS AT 0% HEALTH. ACORN IS AT 0% HEALTH. CONGRESS IS AT 7% HEALTH. THERE ARE A LOT MORE PEASANTS OUT THERE THAN YOU THOUGHT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >BLAME BUSH THAT DOES NOT WORK ANYMORE. >BLAME BANKS THAT DOES NOT WORK ANYMORE. >BLAME PALIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A DISTRACTION? >Y I'M SORRY, THE PEASANTS ARE NOT EASILY DISTRACTED. YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. YOU HAVE LOST RAHM. PEASANTS ARE LOSING THEIR HEALTH CARE. PEASANTS ARE MARCHING ON THE BELTWAY. THERE IS 9.6% UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 42%. YOUR CONGRESS HAS 1.3% HEALTH. YOUR CONGRESS WILL NOT RETURN YOUR CALLS. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >TURN LEFT EXCUSE ME? >TURN LEFT WHOA. FOR A MINUTE THERE I THOUGHT YOU TYPED 'TURN LEFT'. >I DID! TURN LEFT UMM, ANY PARTICULAR REASON? >ENERGIZE BASE BY "BASE", DO YOU MEAN THAT REPULSIVE COLLECTION OF SNIDE *** URBAN HIPSTER TWATS? >Y HOW? >CAR DITCH SLURPEE JOKE BASE ENERGY FAIL. STIMULUS FAIL. HEALTH CARE FAIL. TARP FAIL. YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU HAVE 41% APPROVAL HEALTH. YOU HAVE NO GOLD LEFT. YOU HAVE NO CONGRESS LEFT. YOU HAVE NO MEDIA LEFT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? >BLAME BUSH I'M SORRY, THAT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE. >PLAY RACE CARD I'M SORRY, THAT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE. >PLAY GOLF GOLF COURSE IS CLOSED. >TURN LEFT DUDE. >FAKE TURN RIGHT ADVENTURER PLEASE, YOU'RE JUST EMBARRASING YOURSELF. >^C >^C >^C I'M SORRY, THERE IS NO ESCAPE KEY. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? > WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? > WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? > WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? > WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2010/10/beltway-adventure.html
