The Limericks Thread!

Lately, on the morning radio talk show, there has been a contest in the city to submit limericks talking about our balmy spring weather. It would be hilarious because in the middle of a news story, someone would ask the main newsperson "Would you like to hear some limmericks?" and they would start saying some of them in the middle of a news item.

So I thought what Wordforgers would come up with if we did a limericks thread. Basically a limeric has a rhyme scheme of AABBA and it can be about anything. Here is mine:

I really like hot Asian chicks,
With them I can personally click,
They're almond eyes,
and nice tanned thighs,
make me want to naughtily lick.






Write yours!!!

Double Posted...

Refresh me on the proper form, please?

I like the boobie, big and small,
It's so soft, yet firm titty ball.
When the nipple is hard,
I drool like a tard,
And in my pants something is tall!

Not mine--I've known this one for years:

A Dutch girl named "Astrid Van Reenan",
Made love to big military He-Men,
Some in the Air Force,
And Army of course,
But her preference was Royal Navy Seamen.

(not mine)

A fairy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
They argued all night
About who had the right
To do what, and do where, and to whom.

also . . .

A lady who lived in Decator
Got laid by a big alligator
Nobody knew
The results of that screw
'Cause after he laid her, he ate her.

and finally . . .

There once was a man from madrass
Who had balls that were made out of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass.

The rest of you are close, but mburtonk has the correct form. Study and learn, Grasshoppers.

An oldie but a goodie:

There was a young man from Peru
Found a rather large mouse in his stew
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about
Or the rest will be wanting one, too."

Indeed, it's just as much about the syllable count as the rhyming. Should be approximately 88558. One extra per line, as long as it's a small word, isn't the end of the world, though you have to adjust the emphases accordingly


Another oldie:
There was a young lady of Bright (8)
whose speed was much faster than light (8)
she set out one day (5)
in a relative way (6 - "a" is extra)
and returned on the previous night. (9 - "re" is extra)

Don't put your emPHASis on the wrong sylLABle!

^You can allow a little wiggle room.

Yep. The other "standard" of the form is that the first line has to introduce a "protagonist," if you will. "There was a young lady...there once was a man..." to make it a true limerick. But there are exceptions. Another oldie:

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly "Let us flee!"
"Let us fly," said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

^Funny!
However, even though the above follows the AABBA scheme, I wondered about lines 3 and 4, as they are so similar to actually disrupt the 'flow'. I looked up the thing on the net, and found many, many variations. A fair number of these, had the following lines instead of lines 4 and 5 above:

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the flea, "Let us fly."
Said the fly, "Let us flee."
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Although it messes up AABBA, it sounds better, imho

(not mine)

There once was a girl from Norway,
who hung from her heels in the doorway.
She told her young man,
"Get off the divan
I think I've discovered one more way!"

There once was a girl from Anheuser.
Everyone tried to surprise her.
So Schiltz took a chance,
and found Pabst in her pants,
and now she's sadder, Budweiser.

Ah, I was going from memory, so I may have messed it up. Or it's been passed around so many times it's lost something in the transition.

There once was a man named McSweeny,
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
Not losing his couth,
He added Vermouth,
And slipped his girl a martini.

John
Ashamed of himself....

I don't remember that one as ever being a limerick, just a 5-line poem. And I remember the first 2 lines as

A flea and a fly were stuck in a flue
together wondering what to do.

^There are probably numerous versions, depending on who was how drunk at the time.

There once was a woman from Maine
Who over sarcasm did reign
with one little nod
this Queen became mod
and will your real name ascertain!!

Not mine:

There was a young lady from Niger
Who rode on the back of a tiger
Then to her surprise
She wound up inside
With her smile on the face of the tiger

I'm glad it's not yours Marso, because it is terrible!

First, rhyming tiger with tiger is just bleah.

Secondly, Niger is pronounced "Neye-jeer" so tiger doesn't rhyme at all anyway!

I won't even touch the syllables....

I gotta go have a good lie down now.

​

(not mine )


There was a young pastor from Kew
Who kept a pet cow in his pew.
He taught it each week
A new letter in Greek
But it never got farther than "mu".

"There once was a" 's no way to start
Any rhyme that bursts forth from the heart
Though it may seem well-tried
Innovating, I'd
Rather kick the thing off with a fart.

Though I've traveled me far, aye, an' wide
Ne'er before such a creature I've spied
As our own dear Tamar
(Quick wi' feathers or tar)
Nor a keyboard quite, as is hers, snide

Nor our own Maggie (Wander Bonanno)
Gods, I wish somethin' rhymed with Bonnano
While she holds forth an' preens
On us mere mortals' screens...
Still got nothin' that rhymes with Bonanno.

A Southern Cal writer named Bonnano
Can play a troll like a piano
If you aggravate her
Then totally, for shure
You'll wind up singing soprano.

(Legion - you just weren't trying. )

Awww, you guys...

Now I'd like to see someone do a Limerick in Lallans...

Err wance wis a fair yung lassie
wha's manners wis sweet an classie
'til a son o Mars
grapped at 'er puir erse
Den she nocked 'im on 'is assie!!

Wordforge was a proud BBS,
Outrageous and crude I confess,
This limerick thread
Like a gun to my head
Forced me to contribute this mess!

I' th' feirly-gane land Dalriada
A lothario ca'd Mac Bhiadha
For a wheel-gaun sum
Tak tae marrie his mum
Now's his own son, an' brother, an' Dadda