Things non-Americans just can’t comprehend

So Auburn won the SEC tournament and is fairly highly seeded in the NCAA tournament (which to not get the board sued we shall call Month Before April Crazy Time).

And Auburn is now placed top of the NW bracket (HOW THE FUCK IS AUBURN GOD DAMN ALABAMA IN THE NORTH WEST?!?!?) and will start off the tournament playing in Spokane fucking Washington (BECAUSE IF YOU WANTED LARGE VENUES AND AIRPORTS IN THIS QUADRANT OF THE NATION FUCKING SPOKANE IS THE OBVIOUS LOCATION; THANK YOU NCAA) and like, I’m sure you people have caught on over the years my parents are kinda rich, kinda booster rich and have access to any tickets they want and are the main Auburn booster charter to Spokane.

Keep in mind my youngest has only been to one basketball game in their life last Christmas break in which they caught a What-A-Burger/Auburn t-shirt out of a cannon and now thinks basketball is the coolest thing ever.

I am now trying to explain to an 8 year old how we are driving five hours (ALL IN THE SAME STATE!) to see their grandparents but that they can’t actually go to a Month Before April Crazy Time game.

Me: So *IF* it all works out I'll pick you up at school Friday and we'll road trip to Spokane, hang out with LeeLee and Papa Jim for the weekend and leave Sunday.
Rio: When is the basketball game?
Me: Well there are two and one is Thursday and the other Sunday and with school and the price of tickets it just can't happen. Tickets are $700. We’re just gonna visit.
Rio: I have FORTY DOLLARS and LeeLee and Pappa Jim have THREE HOUSES. We can make this work.
Me:
…
…
I think you need to FaceTime with LeeLee and Papa Jim…​

For real y’all Auburn is in the West bracket and Alabama is in the East?!?!?
Here is a map where I have highlighted the respective areas of the University of Alabama (at Tuscaloosa) and Auburn University.



Now for some reason the map doesn’t say Auburn at the intersection of all the interstates but as someone who was born there, went to college there and went to jail there I am holding up my hand swearing that that is Lee County Alabama and the Auburn-Opelika metro area.

So if you trust me, how is Alabama in the East and Auburn in the West?

How does that make any Goddam sense?

What.

Condolences on losing your parents to Fire Emblem fandom.

NCAA? The National Cockfighting Association of America?

Finally, one of these threads about a real sport and not that Harry Potter Quaffle nonsense!

Made even funnier by the fact that their second round opponent might be UAB. In Spokane.

Isn't Alabama the state that finally desegregated fraternities and sororities in 2013?!?

Fuck Alabama.

Fucked up if true!