Things you shouldn't yell when you enter a room.

"Dude, I can totally lick my nose!"

"Snap into a Slim Jim doesn't mean the same thing in a gay club."

"I need a hat before the global pigeon revolt!"

FIGHT THE POWER! KILL WHITEY!

Whether you are white, black, red, or yellow, that is not a wise thing to shout.

"DEATH TO THE INFIDELS! ALLUHA ACKBAR!"

"How could you not know you had crabs?!? Well, you're paying for the fucking crotch shampoo!"

"OH GOD My feet are burning with righteous fury at your stupidity!"

...and I'll have you know the soup looked fine once that turd was fished out of it!

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I can lick my own nose . . . why is this a bad thing?
It comes in handy when I get ice cream or soup on it.

Why the fuck did it have to airborn Ebola?
Shit, I totally screwed his wife last week.


And #1 for the Red Room,

I'm not a conservative!

I'm not.

I'm just not a liberal, either.

A bakery hold up:
"This is a hold-up! All kikes to the oven, niggers to the back, and sand-niggers on the ground, praying!!!"

Dwarf? I thought you said, "Go down on the Wharf."

(restaurant) "I don't care what the owner's wife looks like, I'm not paying twenty bucks to watch that!"

Guns for Jesus!

(yelled over your shoulder) "Yeah?! Well, if you'd wash it, maybe the cat would quit followin' you around all the time!"

"Puta tu madre!"

"Well fuck your club foot, goddamit!"

"Seriously, man, I'm telling you! Potato salad makes the best lube ever!"

"...shouldn't touch a hobo's balls like that!"

"Yeah, well, it ain't my fault you were looking up that hobbit's skirt!"

"That's it from now on I'm closing the door when I go to the bathroom."

"No, he didn't slip me the tongue when I gave him the kiss of death!"

"It's weird, while most everyone tastes like chicken, Muslims have a distinct bacon flavor."

"It's rare but vaginal teeth do exist."

"No, sir! I will not pay you to kill my wife, who I love so very, very much! How dare you suggest such a thing in front of witnesses!"

"Nobody move! Everyone on the floor!"

Because (like in "Raising Arizona") some smartass old timer will say "if we can't move, how are we supposed to get down on the floor?"

WHAT UP, MY NIGGERS!?

Been there, done that (sort of). A white soldier of mine (pretty lit up) walked into a popular off-post club in Germany frequented by soldiers, many of them black (no shit).

Luckily some other blacks from our unit hurried him the hell out of there before the place erupted and my soldier get destroyed. Considering people have been beaten to death there for way less than that, they probably saved his life.

He's matured a lot since then.

"LA MIGRA!"