Vampire ding-dongs.

Discussion in 'Media Central' started by Diacanu, Jan 14, 2022.

  1. Diacanu

    Diacanu Comicmike. Writer

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    Vampire stories used to differ greatly on what kills them, and what powers they have.
    Now?
    The big argument is over whether 1. they can get hard, 2. they can make cum, 3. if the cum works.
    "A Discovery Of Witches" hinges on the answer to all 3 being "yes".
    In the Anne Rice universe, the answer to all 3 is "no".
    In "Van Helsing" the answer to 1 & 2 is "yes" but the answer to 3 is "sorta?".

    Discuss!
  2. tafkats

    tafkats scream not working because space make deaf Moderator

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    Well, there's never any on-screen evidence of Buffy being on the pill, and she fucked Spike in plenty of situations where they would be unlikely to have a condom handy. So in that universe, there's strong evidence for 1 being "yes," no evidence on 2 one way or the other, and circumstantial evidence for 3 being "no."
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  3. matthunter

    matthunter Ice Bear

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    Angel knocked Darla up in his spin-off, though she was told the pregnancy was "impossible" - it had something to do with Angel having previously "won" a "second chance" life for Darla when she was returned to being human and dying of the syphilis she'd had prior to being vamped. She'd finagled her way into a new reprieve anyway, so the "life" went unneeded.... until he banged her after her was re-vamped. Then somehow it enabled the pregnancy, resulting in Connor.
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  4. matthunter

    matthunter Ice Bear

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    Vampire: The Masquerade, OTOH, goes with just 1, but not automatically. Vamps can force some of the blood in their systems into the D to get hard, but they still derive no physical pleasure from the act (only blood gives any form of rush to a VtM vamp).

    The same isn't true of Eastern vamps (i.e. Asian), but then they aren't the same type of vampire - Western vampires are the descendants of Cain, Eastern vamps are basically ghosts that fought their way back from Hell and possessed their own corpses. They have yin and yang chi (usually absorbed by drinking blood) and those with a yang (life) imbalance become more human to the point that they can indeed sire or bear kids.
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  5. Steal Your Face

    Steal Your Face Anti-Federalist

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    I’m guessing on Sesame Street the answer to all three is no.
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  6. Lanzman

    Lanzman Vast, Cool and Unsympathetic Formerly Important

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    In the Anita Blake novels, the answer to all three is yes, but only if the vamp has recently fed.
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  7. tafkats

    tafkats scream not working because space make deaf Moderator

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    Corollary: Do vampires ovulate? Do they go through menopause?
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  8. We Are Borg

    We Are Borg Republican Democrat

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    Well, it's only January 15th and @Diacanu already wins the award for the most cringe-worthy thread title in Media Central.

    Congratulations, sir. Your major award is in the mail!
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  9. steve2^4

    steve2^4 Aged Meat

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    You have to watch Twilight. I compell you.
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  10. Paladin

    Paladin Overjoyed Man of Liberty

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    Vampires are sex.

    Think about Stoker's original Dracula...

    1. Dracula is seductive.
    2. He comes into the bedrooms of young, unmarried women in Victorian England.
    3. He pierces them, they bleed.
    4. Afterward, the women are corrupted and threaten to spread the corruption.
    5. The women remain enthralled to him.

    Does Dracula have a working dick? Dracula got D like you've never seen.



    I cribbed the interpretation from How to Read Literature Like a Professor. Highly recommended.
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  11. tafkats

    tafkats scream not working because space make deaf Moderator

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    Of course, the "virgins bleed the first time they have sex" trope is BS ... but then, the whole "hymen as freshness seal" deal is exactly the kind of thing that audiences in Victorian England loved.
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  12. Tuckerfan

    Tuckerfan BMF

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    Fun fact: Bram Stoker had syphilis.
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  13. steve2^4

    steve2^4 Aged Meat

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    Thank you.
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