Why are Americans so lonely?

Maybe it's just your perception. I was like that as a kid and throughout adulthood subconsciously thought I still was, even though in reality I wasn't. I've always been able to fit in and chat at social gatherings despite convincing myself otherwise. That said I tend not to be one of these people who regards casual acquaintances as friends. Rather the only people I count as friends are people I have a strong relationship with.

If they’re cowboys it’s because of this

'Cause they'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they love.

Agree completely. To me "friends" are those who are basically as close as family members. They are a regular, ongoing part of your lives. My last three friends were people I worked with but all of us have gone our separate ways to different schools so we don't see each other anymore.

The study does not compare American results to those from other countries. So whatever this phenomenon is, it's not useful to talk about it in terms of what might make Americans different from other people.

The article in the OP does make a connection to other studies that compare generations among Americans, so there is some sense in asking what makes the current generations of Americans more lonely than previous ones. But that connection is still weak.

A more direct way to engage with this result would be,

When we ask Americans whether they are satisfied with their social life, our prediction of their satisfaction is greater than the satisfaction reported. Why do our expectations as a group differ from our average experiences as individuals in this way?

Possible explanations for that can involve factors that make people more lonely, but others might also include factors that increase the perception of other people's or ideal happiness, or even ways in which a fulfilling social life is presented as a success, which makes modesty a factor in diminishing your own report on your social fulfillment.

Wow. It's as if nobody here has ever read Marx.

Not one person here posted the relevant video clip from Team America? I am disappoint. :-[

No, but I have listened to Marx play harp

I hear you! I've never fit in. High School was the absolute worst period of my life. Zero good memories come to mind. Even if I would have been smart enough for college, four more years of hell? I'll take a rain check, thanks anyway. I still hate social situations unless it related to sex. Now at 56 years old I've come to accept it. I have a loving family and my only hobbies don't require other people anyway, so that works out okay.

Socially awkward, never got along with people face-to-face, phobia of crowds, phobia of closeness (probably due to so many disappointments with people in my yoot). Had a group of friends once, but we all broke apart and moved away as we became adults - some married, some turned into crazy fucks. Still in touch with my 'best friend' via facebook and email, but his wife hates me, and he's too busy working supporting his kids (he's self employed) to socialize, so I haven't seen him but twice in the 13 years since his kids were born.

Luckily I've got a great marriage. So I'm lonely for friends, but just fine at home alone with the Mrs. I guess we get on each other's nerves once in a while without other people around, but it works itself out.

I wonder if being a nation of service/sales/retail workers has anything to do with it? Put on the face, smile, treat the customer as well as humanly possible, and then you're drained at the end of the day and you just want to be alone for a little while. Add in a teaspoon of procrastination and, voila, you've spent a whole evening looking at meme's and now it's time for bed.

It's being a nation of good consumers. We're trained to shop instead of socialize. To fulfill this need stores must remain open late, 24 hours, 7 days/wk etc and workers do put in late hours. But it's more the Pavlovian need to shop.

When I moved to France in 1990 it drove me nuts that I couldn't leave work, hit the grocery store, home-depot, mall, see a movie, get something to eat in one evening. After a while there I realized the US way wasn't desirable. Instead, in France, you would decide to go out to eat and spend the evening with friends. Restaurants had one sitting. Alternatively you would take turns entertaining each other at your homes. Weekends too (as most stores were closed). You learned to get your stuff in the limited hours stores were open, and enjoy your evenings/weekends with friends.

What did this to us? Advertising and TV. Poor labor laws enabled stores to stay open late and on weekends.

Vicious cycle. We shop, we're tired it's late so we watch TV and are conditioned to shop more.

Air conditioning has a lot to do with it too; makes cocooning more comfortable.

Probably a symptom and not a cause, but a few years ago someone noted that the way houses are designed even reflects Americans turn inward.

Houses used to feature front porches that people would sit on and frequently call out to neighbors or simply passers by.

Now houses are more likely to instead feature back decks. Where you can't easily see any neighbors and people in passing at all. The only people you see are the ones that live there or the ones you specifically invite over.

I think the "lonely Americans" thing is in part a reaction to the loss of privacy. Everything we do is put out there on display for the whole world to see. Whether by us, corporations, or the government. In reaction, Americans turn inward and try to create "zones of privacy" for themselves by isolating themselves personally. This has a cost of course.

Anyone ever read "Bowling Alone"? It addressed this very issue a decade or two ago.

The simplest explanation is probably the best. American women entered the work force in large numbers. Both absolute numbers and percentages. Back when women mainly stayed at home or around the home. Whether married, unmarried, with children or without, they had to make an effort to get out in to the community to socialize with people. Naturally for the married couples men tended to go along with their wives.

Likewise before women entered the workforce in large numbers, if an unmarried man wanted to have some contact with women he had to make an effort to be part of social situations. Not true nowadays. Now, IIRC, most people find their future mates through their work. No need for any extra effort at socialization.

Women in the work force destroyed society. Dayton's Greatest Hits post of the day.

A good read, if a little outdated.

https://www.amazon.com/Bowling-Alon...4&sr=8-1&keywords=bowling alone robert putnam

I didn't say that. Women joining the work force was pretty much an economic necessity for many families wasn't it?

What large-scale social institutions exist in the US other than churches?

Dayton, I maintain my friendship with you because I think in your heart of hearts you are a good man. But Jesus wept, can you not see how regressive and misogynist this post is??

You are a man that by virtue of your own online activity should have learned by now that the world is full of much more complexity than your myopic offline exsistence. Why are you online if you are so scared of difference and progression?

family

space battles.

Families are not large-scale.

In that case what "large scale social institutions" exist in any country?

Other countries have trade unions, sporting and cultural organisations, community co-operatives...

The US has these to some extent, but they've been more successfully broken down by the drive to monetise everything and subordinate it to private profit. People are conditioned to be atomised consumers who want to live in the suburbs, drive personal vehicles, have small families, work long hours, spend money on disposable meaningless garbage and not give a fuck about anyone else. It's why you have things like gun violence.

I'm pretty certain that the United States had gun violence long before the rise of the suburbs and car culture. Further, Americans give one hell of a lot to charity so saying that as a nation the people of the U.S. "don't give a fuck about anyone else" is simply false.

I'm saying that that's what they're conditioned to. Of course conditioning isn't entirely successful.

Reasons for gun violence are of course complex. Alienation is one major factor.

I don't enjoy crowds, but I am extremely close with my family and have several close friends. I can't imagine life without them. I know lots of people who are happy to spend the weekends at home alone. That's how they recuperate from the stress of the week, just watching tv, playing a video game, etc. I would lose my mind. I gotta get out of the house. It doesn't have to be an event that anyone would classify as exciting. I am happy to just take a walk or sit and chat, but being alone for a long stretch is depressing to me.

That was such a great TV series.