Wordforge: Serenity! Part II

Cut to: Hovercar tooling across the desert, enters small town.
Jeriko: So what's here that's worth the sores on my penis?
Storm: The whole payroll for the local 7-11. Know how they say they never have more than twenty dollars in cash at them stores? Well, here's where they keep the rest...uh, Miz Manners, what are you doing with Miniborg?
Miss Manners: I was going to throw her overboard and use her as an anchor...you know, all them piercings weighing her down and all.
Storm: No, she comes inside. With us. For the metal detectors.
Jeriko (stands up, unzips jacket, revealing I LOVE MEXICANS - THEY'RE CRUNCHY AND GOOD WITH KETCHUP t-shirt and a pair of Uzis.): Let's be psychos!
Cut to: Building interior. Sign above entrance says, "Welcome to the Think Tank. Door explodes inward. There are screams as our heroes come in shooting, blasting security cameras, alarm buttons and a couple of TBBS moderators, not necessarily in that order.
Storm: This is a robbery! Everyone kneel before Zod...er, everyone get on the floor and nobody will get hurt.
(Storm nods to Miss Manners, who leads Miniborg in through the door. Miniborg walks around as slow, creepy music plays, then she points at a man on the floor)
Miss Manners:
Miniborg:
(Close up of man on floor. He is wearing a pink shirt and bright green sunglasses and an American flag on his lapel. He is slowly reaching into his pocket when MM's gun is inserted into his ear)
Miss Manners: Know what the definition of a troll is, Enty? It's someone who, when you tell him something, goes in one ear and out the other. Just like this bullet is about to do.
(Enty sighs, throws away portable keyboard, while over at the vault, Borgminister is opening the door)
Borgminister: Wordforgers, huh? Fought for the independents? Didn't think you guys would stoop so low as to rob us.
Storm: War's long since done. We need the cash, and some bandwidth. (opens door, sees empty hole)
Miss Manners: Wow. We just broke into NZR's head.
Storm (reaches into hole, flips switch, secret door opens in floor.): Yo, down there, we're here to empty the vault.
Dayton: I'm sorry, but that would be against the law.
(Jeriko looks down, disgusted, takes out Army recruitment pamphlet and tosses it down the hole)
Dayton: Okay, come one down.
(Meanwhile, Miniborg is staring off into space. In her mind's eye she sees kid and mom)
Kid: Did you hear that?
Mom: Did sound like Dayton turning chickenhawk. Maybe you should go run for the marshal...
(Vacantly smiling person in blue uniform appears. Kid and Mom scream)
Blue Uniform: Trip/T'pol, y'all.
(Miniborg screams, falls to the floor, trembling. Jeriko comes running over)
Jeriko: WTF is wrong with you now?
(Miniborg stares at the ceiling, terrified, sobbing)
Miniborg (whispers): SHIPPERS!
(Meanwhile, down in the vault)
Storm: Okay, look, if I shoot you in the leg you can still wear the uniform and you'd also get a Purple Heart to wear with it.
Dayton: That sounds very good. I highly approve of unearned medals on uniforms I don't deserve to wear....
Jeriko: Gern!
Storm: Goddamn it, J, I told you, NO NAMES!
Jeriko: We got problems. Big problems. Shippers. Mini's muttering about gorram Kirk/Spock and Janeway/Seven. They're here or they're real close!
Dayton: I don't understand.
Storm: Does that door lock from the inside?
Dayton: I don't know. I just cook waffles.
Storm: You get everyone inside, now, and you lock that door, and you don't come out until you don't hear anyone talking about Jonathan Archer, EVER!
Dayton: But...
Storm: GET THEM INSIDE THE VAULT IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY!
(Outside the building. We see people in blue jumpsuits leaping out of beat-up, dirty ships decorated with Star Trek life-sized cutouts and painted with slogans like "GIVE TO TREK UNITED" or "CHAKOTAY/TRIP RULES"! Our heroes come charging out and board the hovercar, followed by Enty, who grabs the hovercar railing)
Enty: Take me with you!
Storm: We can't! We...er...don't have the room!
(kicks Enty, who falls to the ground. Then he is surrounded by vacantly-smiling nerds in tattered Trek uniforms, who start giggling and patting and smooching him to death. Enty screams)
Storm: Ah, hell...(shoots Enty, as hovercar slams into gear and they take off, pursued by a VW Van painted to look like TOS shuttlecraft)
Miss Manners: Tech, Baby!
(Jeriko and Storm look disgusted)
Techman: Yes, honey buns?
(Jeriko and Storm look even more disgusted)
Miss Manners: We've got problems. Shippers!
Techman: (lapses into Chines, roughly translated as "well tie me up and call me Soma!) Hang on, sugar lips, we're coming to you...Summerteeth! We're going! We've got shippers!
Summerteeth:
(Meanwhile, Storm and Jeriko are banging away at their pursuers, while skinny, pimply girls and boys wearing a hodgepodge of costumes lean out the window and blow kisses back and throw badly written slash fics)
Jeriko: It's be nice if we had a thermonuclear device right now! (yells as fangirl dressed in Hogwarts robes grabs his leg, pulling him off the hovercar. Jeriko grabs the rear bumper, looking down in horror as fangirl starts licking his leg)
Jeriko: I won't read slashfic. Not that Kirk/Spock stranded on a planet and pon farr ensues stuff. You shoot me if they get me!
(Storm takes aim)
Jeriko: Fuck! Don't shoot me NOW!
(Storm shoots fangirl, then pulls Jeriko back aboard)
Miniborg: They want us alive when they 'ship us.
(the hovercar whips around then as the ship drops down. Hovercar flies through the rear hatch and crashes into the cargo hold. Moments later the Shipper van crashes into back of the ship and debris flies everywhere)
(Then, after things settle down)
Summerteeth (to Borgs): Are you okay?
Storm:
Shipper: Hi, I like Trip/Harry Kim slash...
(Everyone shoots shipper)
Miniborg (to corpse): They never give up. They never gave up.
(Borgs punches Storm)
Storm:
Borgs: You endangered my sister.
Storm: SHE SAVED US!
Borgs: Whatever. I don't care. I'm not listening to you ever again. I am in fact going to do the opposite of whatever you say from now on.
Storm: And here I was gonna order you to sleep with Kaylee.
(beat)
Borgs: You bastard. We're leaving, once we get to Beaumont.
Storm: Fine! Be that way! Now go give Summerteeth a bath!
(beat)
Borgs: You fiend!
Storm:

(TO BE CONTINUED)

I gotta cycle some more rep before I can catch ya. Although I miss the "I swallowed a bug" line.

Can't ... read ... spoiler ... parody ...

Meh, I'm not in it, and I'd make a great Wash.
So, how good could it be?

Shippers?!

that's classic all by itself!

I can't wait to see who's Fanty and Mingo....

I volunteer to be a twin.

BABA MUST BE IN IT

This belongs in the Workshop.

God DAMN it! I just realized that Cass HAS to be Inara.

Fuck off, you underage brat!


There. Red Room material.

Baba the Love-Bot?

Where am I?

whooosh