Wordforge: Serenity, Part V

Cut To: The Chat Companion Academy on New Europa. We see Caelia kneel before a shrine to St. Schwarzenegger and light a candle. A shadowy, veiled figure kneels beside her and we see that it's Storm in a burkha.

Storm: Dear Arnie, I want a pony and a Serenity sequel...
Caelia: Storm! What are you doing here?
Storm: Well, I always wanted to see this statue...who is he, anyway?
Caelia: That's St. Arnold, former Emperor of Earth.
Storm: Ah. The reason why Earth is now called "Earth-That-Was".
Caelia: You can't be here!
Storm: Why not?
Caelia: Because now that a Texan has entered Europe's holiest shrine, we'll have to order buckets of Lysol...and there's a guy here to kill you.
Storm: Where?
(Mewa enters the room)
Mewa: Ah. Captain Rucker. I'm surprised you came yourself. And I'm surprised you came dressed as an Amarillo Baptist College cheerleader.
Storm (sheds burkha): Well, now that you're hear, speak your piece.
Mewa: I want you to turn over Miniborg to me.
Storm: Why?
Mewa: Because.
Storm: Because why?
Mewa: Ah. See, you're trying to upset me. You can't make me angry, Captain.
Caelia (murmers): Just try discussing the cons of libertarianism with him...
Mewa: I just want to be reasonable.
Storm: If the government wanted to be reasonable, they wouldn't have sent you.
Mewa: You misunderstand me. I came here. Alone. Unarmed.
Storm: (shoots Mewa)
Caelia: OMG! You killed Mewa!
Storm: Yeah, I'm a real bastard...urk (as Mewa grabs him by the throat)
Mewa: Of course, I work in New York City, so it takes more than a mere gun to kill me.
(brawl ensues. Storm and Caelia fight valiantly, but to no avail. Storm ends up dazed on the floor, while Caelia ends up tangled in the curtains)
Mewa: As you see, Captain, you are no threat to me. (goes to altar, picks up "True Lies" DVD and studies it) In point of fact, I am going to have both of you taken to my ship, and I think I'll make you watch this movie repeatedly until you crack and tell me where I can find Miniborg.
Caelia: Uh...
Mewa: There's no point begging for mercy.
Caelia: That's not exactly a DVD.
DVD: (BOOM)
(After A While)
Mewa:
Eccentric: Are you all right, sir?
Gul: What did those evil Browncoats do to you?
Mewa: It was an exploding DVD! Get after them.
Eccentric: Exploding DVD...riiiight. And how do we track them?
Mewa: Track their ISP!
Gul: We tried. They're using fifteen of them.
(Meanwhile, aboard the ship)
Caelia: He's the worst troll I've ever seen. He beat up Storm.
Jeriko: Hell, that ain't so hard.
Miss Manners: Did he say anything about Cassandra?
Caelia (struggles to maintain straight face): No. Why?
Techman: Our young killer girl keeps muttering it.
(Caelia nods thoughtfully, takes out little black book, turns to "Potential Stalkers" page)
Storm: Anyway, I reckon we'll go back and hang out with Shepherd for a while...
Jeriko: Dammit, no! We shouldn't be hiding!
Storm: You wanna be in charge?
Jeriko: Fuck, no.
Storm: Well, you...er, okay then!
Jeriko: TNZ, Storm.
(Storm clouds up. Eyes glow red)
Jeriko: That's right. Somebody starts a fight, you gotta be involved! How many people got permabanned in TNZ 'cause of you...
Miss Manners: You wanna leave this room right now.
Jeriko: Why, 'cause I'm tellin' the truth?
Miss Manners: Actually, no, because you just farted.
Jeriko: Oh, right. (leaves)
Borg: Right. Me and Mini will leave once we reach Shepherd's...
Summerteeth: Nobody's saying that...
Techman: Nobody but Jeriko and most of Wordforge is saying that...
(Meanwhile, Storm goes out into hallway. Caelia follows)
Caelia: It's no shame in getting beat up...
Storm: Hey, if you wanna run me down, don't do it in front of the crew!
Caelia: We're not in front of the crew.
Storm: Oh. Right.
Caelia: And I'm not running you down. Just pointing out a fact. When you came for me...
Storm: I didn't come for you! I came to kick some butt...but you gotta stop that!
Caelia: Stop what?
Storm: Pointing out facts! You always confuse me when you do that!
Caelia:
(Meanwhile, Jeriko walks into broom closet where Miniborg is locked up)
Jeriko: Hey, little girl, wanna play a nice game of "Chase Down And Kill The Illegal?"
Miniborg: WHACK!
(gunshot is heard. Crew races to broom closet)
Miss Manners: Dang. She kicked Jeriko's ass again.
Storm: She's loose. Everyone split up and look for her. (Everyone charges off, except for Borgs)
Miniborg (emerges from broom closet): They're not bright. (kicks Borgs and knocks him out) That's for taking that piece of cake when I was three.
(elsewhere)
Miss Manners: She's on the bridge.
Storm: Okay. I'll sneak up on her, all alone, and take her out.
Caelia: Are you sure that's...(stops at glare from Storm) Right. Stop making sense. Got it.
(Storm sneaks onto bridge. We see Miniborg at the computer. Without looking she pulls out gun and points it at Storm)
Storm: Damn. You did it again. (holsters gun) Okay, look, I'm hoping that you are still a peace-lovin' European...
(Miniborg cocks gun)
Storm: - er, a gun-lovin' European, but if you don't mind I'd rather you not shoot me...
Miniborg (turns, points at planet on computer screen): Cassandra.
Storm:
(later)
Miss Manners: So how come we never heard of a planet Cassandra?
Caelia: I am sure I don't know.
Techman: We could go there, but we don't want to go there.
Storm: Why?
Techman: That whole area between here and there is Shipper territory. We'd never get through there without losing our sanity. And oh yeah, we're here, and someone looks like they blew up Shepherd's little settlement.
Crew:
(To be continued)

Funniest part yet!

:rofl3:

no, clearly the best part is here.

That was a great section of the funniest part yet too!

Brilliant.