Wordforge: Serenity! Part VI

(The ship lands in the dusty, burning remains of Shepherd's village. There are bodies everywhere, signs of battle. The crew fans out, yelling Shepherd's name)
Jeriko: You think it was Shippers?
Storm: No...looks like these folks were all gunned down, not nauseated to death. See? No smooch marks.
(Storm turns, sees Shepherd twitching feebly on the ground, runs over)
Storm: Shepherd! What happened?
Shepherd: THEY (choke) came lookin' (gasp) for you. (points weakly at antiaircraft gun) Shot down the one that killed me. Not very religious (cough) of me.
Storm: Well, now, I reckon you only done what Christ would have done, had he had access to AA guns. (shakes head) Dammit, it should have been me they killed.
Shepherd: (agrees!) Promise (gag) me that you'll (vomits blood) find something (retches) to believe (bleeds profusely) in. (grabs Storm) Promise!
Storm: Uh (tries to make Shepherd let go)...er, I believe in the triumph of capitalism.
Shepherd: That...(rotates head 180 degrees) will have to (spits out lung) do...(dies)
(Storm stands up. His face looks like he just found a homeless guy in his trash can. Grim. He glares at the crew as they come running up)
Storm: Techman, I want you and Borgs to strip the bodies and tie them to the hull in compromising positions. Summerteeth, I want you to adjust the movie plot to make us all look like Mary Sues. (looks around, mutters) we're going to need uniforms. Lots of Trek uniforms...
Miss Manners: Sir, are you seriously suggesting we desecrate our ships in order to make a mad, hopeless run through Shipper territory?
Borgs: If you expect me to treat these corpses like I would Baba's...
(Techman picks up remains of Shepherd's pipe, sniffs it)
Jeriko: I ain't gonna touch no naked man-corpses...
Storm (takes out gun): If anyone disagrees, I'll shoot them.
Crew: Agrees!

(Cut to: Shipper space. We see corpses on Quidditch brooms. Fat women in T'pol outfits. Huge, badly-designed spaceships. Moving slowly amongst them is our hero's ship, now trailing scrawled fanfics and decorated with slashy corpses and bits of gold and blue and red shirts. Inside, the crew watches, tense with apprehension and sweaty with fear, as the sound of badly-written love filks screeches faintly from the radio. But the ship moves safely through the swarm of Shippers unmolested, and lands on the planet Cassandra.)

Techman: Okay, so there's no movement. No sign of life at all. (Looks around at huge, quiet city) I am picking up a faint signal, though.
Miss Manners: Ho!
Storm: What is it?
Miss Manners (points at corpse leaning into car window): There.
Borgs: It looks like...they all just lay down. And died.
Miniborg: Make them stop! Voices all in my head! Crying! All cut off sudden, but still in my head! Oh, God, make me stone!
(Techman hands her Shepherd's pipe)
Miniborg: No you idiot. I said STONE, not STONED!
(Techman shrugs, sticks pipe in his mouth)
Jeriko: WTF is she saying?
Storm: She's young and British. Who knows? Let's just find that signal.
(They walk along. Everywhere there's corpses. All of them seemed to have just slumped down and died. Finally they come to crashed shuttle bearing letters NCC-57D. They go inside)
Summerteeth: Is this the source of the signal?
Techman: There's a DVD here...(puts it in player, as Storm and Caelia cringe a bit)
DVD (shows face of Kyle): Hi, I'm Kyle, and I'm here to provide the commentary to this film, "What Really Happened To Planet Cassandra"...but first, a word from GEICO...
(Techman grunts, hits remote)
DVD (shifts to picture of Captain Chewbacca): I'm Captain Chewbacca. These are some of the images we've recorded (shows pictures of corpses)...it was the FOX. The FOX channel that we installed here. It kept cancelling program after program...until the people just...gave up. They stopped caring about what was on...and then they stopped everything else. They stopped talking, stopped eating...stopped breathing. (crash in background, accompanied by scary music. Captain Chewbacca looks fearful.) There's something else...a small percentage of the people...did the opposite. They started writing letters, started caring too much, started writing fan fics and filks and even dressed up as their favorite characters and made slash films. They've done...HORRIBLE things! Oh God, please forgive us...
(We see hands grab Captain Chewbacca. He wails, tries to shoot himself, but it's too late; he's dragged down by dozens of young Gothic-looking women who are softly singing "Faith of the Heart")
Borgs: For the love of God, turn it off!
(Techman ejects DVD. Everyone is sickened and horrified)

To be continued...

Shoot... I didn't wanna go down like that!

That first death scene was played very well! Maybe Oscar worthy!?