Wordforge: Serenity! The Terrifying Conclusion!

(The ship is mostly wrecked. Our heros come piling out, as in the distance Shippers can be heard, screeching the "Farscape" theme. The crew enters a door marked NO EXIT! DEAD END! LAST STANDS ONLY!)

Jeriko: This here looks like a good spot for a last stand. (Points at sign that says, JOHN WAYNE WAS KILLED HERE BY A BUNCHA MEXICANS)
Storm: Right. So you guys make the last stand here so I can go upstairs and fight the chief bad guy.
Caelia: Wouldn't it be better to just lock the door and then all of us go upstairs and fight the chief bad guy?
Storm:
Caelia: Right. Sense. Stop. I'm trying, really I am.
Summerteeth: Wait! Where's Techman?
Miss Manners: He ain't coming.
Summerteeth: Uh, is this really the time to be talking about sex...er...oh, you mean, he's not coming coming, right?
Jeriko: Can we stop talking about Techman coming or not coming and start making a barricade?
Shippers (from down hallway): Faith of the heart! Join Trek United! Caht!
Storm: Tell me you brought the RPG?
Jeriko: Er, no...(Storm hits him upside head) Hey! I did bring some grenades though!
Storm: Fine (grabs grenade, tosses it down hall)
Shippers:
Storm: Okay, I'm going to deliver the DVD. The rest of you, stay here and fight to the death!
Jeriko: Hey, MM, how come HE always gets to run off just before a fight to the death.
Miss Manners: You think any of us are going to get out of here without being slashed, then cut up, then recycled into a Draco Malfoy/Snape slash fic?
Jeriko: I might!
Borgs (to Summerteeth): I only have on regret...
Summerteeth: Don't say it. You don't mean...sex with me.
Borgs: Actually, I was gonna say I only regret not feeling up Jewel Staite when I had the chance...

(Cut to: Mrs. Universe's control room. We see Zel the Robohubby but no sign of Tamar. Storm sees the wreckage and shakes his head, hopeless)
Zel (in Tamar's voice): Storm.
Storm (jumps, makes wha-who-wa! noise): Tamar?
Zel/Tamar: He banned me, Storm. He banned me with a dual. How geeky is that?
Storm: Pretty damned geeky...
Zel/Tamar: But he didn't get my backup PC. All the info you need is there. Bottom of the stairs, through the trap door, over the alligator pit, past the river of liquid hot magma. Take a left at the frikkin' sharks with the frikkin' laser beams on their foreheads. It's a little hard to get to.
Storm: Uh, well, maybe we could do all this later...
Zel/Tamar: Don't make me drag out those photos of you backstage at the rodeo...
Storm: Okay, I'm on it...

(Meanwhile, back at the Last Stand)
Shippers:
Heroes:
Shippers: :headshot:
Heroes:
Miss Manners:
Shippers:
Miss Manners: Ow! (falls)
Shippers:

(Cut to: Secret Backup Room. Storm stumbles in, looking a bit burned, scalded, lasered and bitten once or twice. He sees Tamar's backup laptop on the other side of a bottomless pit. Chains and remnants of trolls are hanging overhead)
Storm: Jesus tap-dancin'...
Mewa:
Storm: You!
Mewa: Me. Are you really going to take me on again?
Storm: Reckon I am.
Mewa: All for a silly DVD:
Storm: Reckon so.
Mewa: Do you always begin every sentence with "Reckon?"
Storm: Reckon I do.
Mewa: Are you willing to die over that?
Storm: Reckon I am.
Mewa:

(Meanwhile, back at the glorious fight to the death)
Miss Manners! I'm hit! Put a bandage on me!
Borgs:
Shippers:
Heroes:

(While in the secret Backup Room)
Storm: Goddammit, hold still!
Mewa:
(Storm gives up, leaps over chasm, grabs chain, swings across in daring move. Pics himself up and finds Mewa already there)
Storm:
Mewa (to Storm): :nuts:

(And at the Last Stand)
Summerteeth: Ow. I've been darted. (faints)
Jeriko: Ow! I've been shot! (falls down)
Shippers:
Miss Manners: Fall back! Close the blast doors!
(everyone scrambles past the blast doors. Borgs hits a switch and the doors close...part of the way.)
Jeriko: Looks like I picked the wrong day to give up HE grenades. (grabs grenade, tosses it at Shippers)
Shippers:
Jeriko: That won't hold 'em for long! Reckon we'll be slashin' and cahtted to death before long.
(distantly) Baba like Six. Baba caht.

(In the Secret Backup Room)
Storm and Mewa:

(And at the Last Stand)
Borgs: I need my laptop so I can fix Summerteeth. And also the door. (Gets hit with brick labeled, BUY HOME DEPOT!) Ow. (falls)
Miniborg: Borgsie!
Borgs: Guess I let you down, Mini. Guess we're all gonna die.
Shippers: Caht! Caht! Caht!
Miniborgs: No...you can't die...you are always trying to kill teh Baba and all the other idiots. (straightens up, looks at door) My turn. (runs, dives out the door)
Shippers:
Miniborg:

(In the secret backup room, Mewa picks up badly battered Storm. He reaches into pocket, takes out magic wand labeled TBBS PROPERTY and aims it at Storm)
Mewa: Ban-a-nana-rama!
(Storm freezes)
Mewa: You see, Storm, you can't win. (reaches into bag, pulls out flamethrower) This is going to be a painful, pointless death...
Storm to Mewa: :nuts:
Mewa: (falls down)
Storm: You made a mistake there...first, I had my ban capability surgically removed during the TBBS war. Second, my name is NOT Rama. (kicks Mewa again)...but don't worry, I'm gonna show you what you always wanted. (grabs DVD, puts it into player, sets selector to SPAM) A world without quality TV programming.
Chewie: It was the Fox....

(Back at the Last Stand)
Jeriko: They'll be coming through that door soon.
Miss Manners: At least Storm got the job done.
Storm: Reckon so. (stumbles forward) Wasssupp? Where's Miniborg?
(Door opens. She's standing there in a pile of dead and dying Shippers)
Miniborg: (to Shippers) Those of you left alive, leave your body parts! They belong to me now! And no more of this slash shit!
(Wall behind her explodes. Bunch of guys dressed as Star Trek redshirts busts in)
Redshirts: Drop your weapons! Lt. Mewa, do we have a kill order?
Miniborg:
Redshirts:
Mewa: No, don't...(cough) piss them off any further. Stand down.

(Cut to: Montage of scenes. Sad funerals, endless chat at wake, crew repairing ship, Miss Manners trying to learn how to , etc. Then cut to the ship's hatch)

Mewa: This isn't over, you know. I'll still be trolling people.
Storm: If I catch you trying to troll me, I'll be tearing off your manhood.
Mewa: Not to worry. There's nothing there to tear off.

(Cut to: Hallway)
Storm: So, Caelia, I suppose we can drop you off at your place on the way.
Caelia: Actually, I think the stupidest thing to do would be to stay onboard.
Storm: Finally! Good answer!

(Cut to: Bridge)
Storm: So, little vampire bat, are you going to help me fly this thing?
Miniborg: That's the idea. (touches control, ship roars into sky)
Storm: Whoa! Watch the speed limit. One thing you gotta remember...oh, but I guess, since you're psychic, you already know what I'm going to say.
Miniborg: Yes. But libertarianism still doesn't take into account corporate corruption. (looks out window at the rain) Storm's getting worse.
Storm: No, I'm not!
Miniborg:

(Ship flies out of atmosphere. We see hatch open and Borgs go flying out)

Storm: What was that?

(THE END)

Bravo!

Heh . Now someone's gotta merge 'em together into a box set.

And the Acadamy for Best Use of Smilies in a Motion Picture goes to....

As I have been dreading/bracing for the inevitable onslaught of polarslam duals, it occurs to me that Polars could've been almost as entertaining in this story as 'Shippers.

There already has been a veritable onslaught of polarslam duals, you just haven't seen it.