Wordforge: The Freaking Frontier, Part I

Fade In: Numbnuts III, the Planet of Galactic Piece...a dry, desolate hellhole. We see a thin, barbaric man in robes wandering around with a makeshift flamethrower, using it on rocks, lizards, and the occasional bush. It is Robotech Master, who is getting his cameo. Then we see a Mysterious Man in a robe approaching.

Robotech Master: Stop right there sucker! (levels flamethrower)
Mysterious Man: I can't believe you would flame me...over a bunch of rocks and empty desert.
Robotech Master: It's all there is to do around here.
Mysterious Man: Everyone has a secret pain. Share yours with me.
Robotech Master: I don't have any pains.
Mysterious Man: (slaps RM) Share your pain, I said.
Robotech Master: Ow! That hurt.
Mysterious Man: There. Don't you feel better now that you've shared that?
Robotech Master (thinks): Huh, well, now that you're not slapping me, I do feel better.
Mysterious Man: Great. So that means you'll become one of my mindless ill-dressed followers?
Robotech Master: Actually, I've got this thing going on Saturday...
Mysterious Man: (slap)
Robotech Master: Ow. Okay, I'll follow you.
Mysterious Man: Good. (takes off hood. We see a wild-eyed, bearded man wearing a necklace embossed with a EU emblem and carrying a Bible marked "Property of the First Baptist Church") We're going to need a starship.
Robotech Master (in wonder): A...Baptist?
Mysterious Man (looks at RM, grins, starts to laugh).

Cut to: Elwood, hanging from the side of a cliff
Elwood: You need more exercise, she says. Fishing is for weenies, she says. Rock climbing will get me laid, she says...
Cassandra: I didn't say fishing was for weenies.
(Elwood looks at Cassandra. She is hovering behind him.)
Elwood: How the hell are you doing that?
Cassandra: Chirac-drive anti-gravity boots. Hot air is directed through artificial mouths on the bottom, enabling me to fly.
Elwood: And how come you didn't share those with me? I'd be a lot safer now.
Cassandra: I'm sorry, but French don't allow Americans to fly over their property.

Cut To: Storm Rucker, watching through binoculars
Storm: Damn fool...idiot...crazy man...she's RIGHT THERE and he doesn't smack her...

Cut To: The cliff
Elwood: Okay, so, would you mind not shoulder surfing while I'm risking my life? (slips, grabs rope) I mean, why are you here?
Cassandra (takes out scissors): You do realize that I am second in command of the ship?
Elwood:
Cassandra: So I'm sure you'll understand if I cut the rope and let you fall to your death?
Elwood:
Cassandra: (snip)
Elwood: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(Elwood falls, screaming. Ground looms up...then he stops suddenly, with his nose just touching the ground)
Cassandra: Just kidding.

Cut To: The camp.
Cassandra: Surely you have forgiven me by now?
Elwood:
Cassandra (sighs): You thought it was funny when that Road Runner creature did it to the Coyote creature.
Elwood:
Storm: Have you ever wondered why we do this?
Elwood: Why, after we are cooped up together on the ship, why we decide to vacation together?
Storm: no, why we have Cassandra out here a hundred miles from anywhere and we can't arrange a really unfortunate encounter between her and a grizzly bear. And what the hell are you cooking there, Cass?
Cassandra: I am endeavoring to create a S'more.
Elwood: See? That's why we don't kill her, Rucker. She's always got chocolate or cash on her.
Storm:

Cut To: Numbnuts III and Paradox City, aka The City On The Edge Of Forever On The Planet of Galactic Piece. We see Miss Manners enter the Restaurant At The End Of The Universe In The City On The Edge Of Forever On The Planet Of Galactic Piece. (whew). We see her come up to a group of people sitting in a dark corner.

MissManners: Greetings. I'm the new Ambassador from Troll Kingdom.
Borgminister: BROOMPT.
Chris: You'll have to forgive my compatriot here. I'm Chris St. John Joe Bob Smythe, Ambassador from Wordforge. This here is General Borgminister, the ambassador from TBBS.
Borgminister: Warning for introductions.
MissManners: Isn't this exciting? A grand opportunity to create Peace in Cyberspace.
Chris: Hah.
Borgminister: Warning for irony.
MissManners: Am I missing something?
Chris: Well...it's supposed to be the Planet of Galactic PIECE. P-I-E-C-E. Only there ain't no piece to be had around here.
Borgminister (into beer mug): No piece in our time.
MissManners: In other words, we've been dumped here to spend our days getting drunk and discussing nothing in particular?
Chris: I don't mind. Kinda reminds me of the Red Room back home...
(Explosion. They all duck as armed men led by the Mysterious Man charge in, shouting)
Chris: Like I said...

Cut To: The campsite. Everyone is sleeping. Then a huge spotlight shines on them.
TheLurker (through loudspeaker): OI!
Elwood: What the...
TheLurker: SORRY SIR! WE HAVE ORDERS TO PICK YOU UP!
Elwood: What...
TheLurker: DON'T WORRY SIR, YOU HAVE SECRET ORDERS, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE THING YOU DID IN THE LOCKER ROOM THAT YOU ASKED ME NEVER TO TELL ANYONE.
Cassandra:
Rucker:
TheLurker: SO IF YOU DON'T MIND, SIR, PLEASE HURRY, I'M DOUBLE PARKED UP HERE.
Elwood: Okay, you heard the lady, everyone bury your garbage...no, Storm, not her, put Cassie down...

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge. Screen comes on as everyone walks in.
Tamar: Captain Elwood...been slumming?
Elwood (looks down at T-shirt that says, I SQUEALED LIKE A PIG AT YOSEMITE): Er, you caught me on vacation. What's up? And how come you made Admiral when you used to serve under me as a mere lieutenant.
Tamar: A girl has her secrets, Captain...and isn't afraid to use them for blackmail. Anyway, we have a situation on Numbnuts III.
Elwood: The Planet of Galactic Piece?
Tamar: We recieved this transmission...
(Screen changes, shows interior of the Restaurant at the End of the Universe blah blah blah)
Miss Manners: We have been taken captive by the Forces of Galactic God-Seekers. We have not been harmed, but our captors say they will cause us not-so-secret pain in the near future if you don't send a ship to pick us up.
Mysterious Man: Yeah. Don't make me go medieval on these people. Send a ship now or I'll make this lady go back to Techman.
MissManners: As you can see, our captors are quite ruthless. We beg you to accede to their demands.
(Screen switches back to Tamar)
Tamar: So I'm sending you out there, Elwood. I need my best boy out there.
Elwood: But we just got this ship and still haven't figured out the instructions.
Tamar: Ooo...should I tickle oo, widdle snookums...
Elwood: Grr. Fine! We'll do it!
Tamar: I knew you would. Good luck, snookums.
Crew: Snookums?
Elwood (sighs): You heard the lady. Let's go to work!

TO BE CONTINUED

:rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3:

w00t!

Clever touch having the three BBS ambassadors.

Good stuff, good stuff...

Baptist?

Wait, am I Checkov or Sulu?

I'd kinda like the Excelsior in the end.

If I was ever included in one of these, I might actually bother myself to read it....

You must be reading them to know that you're not included.

Nope, I scan quickly to see if my name is included, I do not read them. I couldn't tell you the first thing about what this one was about.

LOL