Wordforge: The Search For Cass, Part II

Cut To: Lonely communications and transport station. The Lurker is sitting there with Ted Wolf III.

Ted Wolf: So there I was, spending fifteen whole minutes trying to find a diode for this guy, when what he really was after was a resistor. How many times does THAT happen?
TheLurker: Must...stay...awake...
Ted Wolf: So anyway, that's why I took the pay cut and left Radio Shack to come work here. So what's you're excuse?
TheLurker: Huh? Who? What?
Ted Wolf: You know...you're the famous Commander TheLurker. You've starred in three parodies now.
TheLurker: And your point being?
Ted Wolf: Well, aren't you worried about the fact that you're old, you're putting on pounds, you have a zit on your nose and you smell funny? And I mean all that with all sincere admiration.
TheLurker: I have a zit on my nose? (takes out compact)
Ted Wolf: And you're down here with me. That's gotta mean something.
TheLurker: And what exactly does it mean?
Ted Wolf: That you're just as big a failure as me! I'm no longer alone!
(Elwood, Rucker, Lanzman come in)
Ted Wolf: Storm Rucker! My God!
Rucker: (in Cassandra voice) Damned right wing cult of personality....
Ted Wolf: Storm talks like a girl?
Elwood: Are you ready?
TheLurker (glances at Ted): You're bloody well right I'm ready.
Ted Wolf: Something I'm missing?
TheLurker: Look here! (takes out tabloid, opens it to page 3)
Ted Wolf: Girl. Boobs. Yum. (drools)
Elwood: You going to be able to handle him?
Ted Wolf: Guh. Durh. Nuhnuh.
TheLurker: Don't worry, sir. You'll be long gone before he snaps out of it. (Then, as Elwood gets on transporter pad) Oh, and sir?
Elwood: Yes?
TheLurker: Don't fuck this up.

Cut to: BBS Excelsior
Captain Chupacabra: Now, Commander Lanzman, this is Her Majesty's BBS, so you'll have to get used to some changes.
Nick: Yes?
Captain Chup: First off, we don't drink coffee. We drink tea. And we also serve alcohol.
Nick: Sounds fine.
Capt. Chup: There's also the mandatory three hourse spent each day getting a full body massage by one of our talented female asian massuers.
Nick: I'm totally up for that, sir.
Capt. Chup: I will tolerate no criticism from others about your work in engineering. You'll have a free hand, there.
Nick: God Save the Queen, sir.
Capt. Chup: Right, then. And you'll also have to get a new uniform. I'll expect you to be dressed just like me, every day.
Nick: Is it too late to transfer, sir?

Cut To: GeneBBS
Baba: Baba not happy.
Vandy: Oh, be quiet. A gentleman always gives his coat to a naked lady.
Baba: Baba give lady all his clothes though. Baba freezing.
Vandy: Well, it's your own fault, didn't you design this world?
Baba: Baba gave rep for protoblather matrix.
Vandy: protoblather? The substance that makes people talk in the third person, and that's been outlawed even by TrollKingdom?
Baba: Baba like protoblather.
Vandy (sighs, looks down at Cassandra, who appears to be in her late teens): I'm not sure who's better company right now, Catatonic Cass or Protoblathering Baba.
Baba (points): Baba see lights.
Vandy: Ack. TBBS'ers. Go stop them, Baba.
Baba: TBBS'ers don't like Baba.
Vandy: I don't like you either. But I'll join you in chat later if you go.
Baba: Baba get rep?
Vandy: Baba get something. That I promise.
Baba: Baba go then. (Leaves)
Cassandra: Moan. Whine. (starts to twitch)
Vandy (sighs): So it begins. The Time of which all of us are prey.
(Boom chicka wow wow music starts. Vandy glares at camera, music ends abruptly. Vandy knees down, meets eyes with Cassandra, then takes Cassandra's hand. Slowly, Vandy guides Cassandra's hands down to the keyboard of a laptop. Cassandra smiles vacantly, starts typing randomly)

Cut to: Wordforge Bridge.
Elwood: Diacanu! We've been looking all over for you!
Diacanu (miffed): I've been here all along, sir. (lifts leg, shows shackle on foot) You forgot to unchain me. Again.
Elwood. Right. Stations everyone. Nick, are we ready?
Nick: I've automated everything.
Elwood: How'd you find time to do that? I thought you were doing engineering for Excelsior?
Nick: If I told you everything you'd fire me.
Elwood: Oh yeah. Forgot. Mr. Lanzman?
Lanzman: Powered up, ready to leave.
Elwood: Let's go then!
(Lanzman turns ignition key, Wordforge lurches into gear.

Cut To: Excelsior Bridge
El Chup: What's this all about then?
Packard: Wordforge is being hijacked.
El Chup: By who?
Packard: Elwood.
El Chup: But he owns Wordforge! How can he hijack his own board?
Packard: The plot demands it, sir?
El Chup: Oh. Right then. Hail him.

Cut to: Wordforge Bridge
El Chup: Elwood, if you do this they'll have me come out and stop you. I'm not Tony Blair.
Elwood: Full speed to the door, Lanzman.
Lanzman: Aye sir.

Cut to: Excelsior Bridge
Packard: No answer, sir.
El Chup: Right then. Ready weapons, arm the boarding parties, and prepare to engage transband drive. Wordforge tries to run from us, we'll bugger her right good and proper, until she bleeds.
Packard: Nice JohnM quote, sir.

Cut To: Wordforge bridge
Diacanu: Excelsior's moving into position to bugger us right good and proper, sir.
Elwood: Let's not give her the chance. Lanzman, door status?
Lanzman (pounds on garage remote): Not responding, sir.
Nick: Gimme that...(whacks it against Diacanu's head, then hits button. Ahead of them, door lurches into motion. ) Heh...just as I thought, Lanzman wasn't pressing down hard enough.
Diacanu: Then why'd you hit ME?
Nick: You have that kind of face.

Cut To: Excelsior bridge
Packard: She's go the garage door open.
El Chup: Doesn't matter. Engage Transband drive!

Cut to: Exterior. We see Excelsior start to smoke, then grind to a halt.

Cut to: Wordforge bridge.
Elwood: Nice job of sabotage, Nick
Nick: Wasn't me. The whole thing was British, I figure to just let nature take its course.
Elwood: Er...well, nice bit of non-work there. Lanzman! Set course for GeneBBS!

TO BE CONTINUED

Ooops, ya missed workshop by one space. Lemme move that for ya.

Now that's humor!!

Ooooh, I get some good lines! I'd rep you, but it won't let me.