Wordforge: The Voyage Zoned, Part II

Cut To: The Titanic II
Storm (walks up to Cassandra): Hi. You busy?
Cassandra (looks up from solitaire game): Yes.
Storm: I wanted to ask you a question.
Cassandra: I suppose you want to know what dying and then being reborn is like?
Storm: Actually, it's a little more philosophical than that. Just how the hell can we make sure you stay dead?
Cassandra: I cannot answer that without a common frame of reference.
Storm: You mean I'd have to die to find out how to make sure you stay dead?
Cassandra: Indeed. I would be more than pleased to help you settle that philosophical question.
TheLurker: (interrupts) Captain, we're recieving a whole lot of spam.
Elwood: What else is new?
TheLurker: Well, it's odd...
Elwood: What's so odd?
TheLurker: Well, there's not a single mention of Viagra.
Elwood: That IS odd. On screen...
(On Screen we see Legion. He looks tired, drained)
Legion: I haven't been able to get a job in week since I got laid off from WalMart. I had a job at a Waffle House but I got fired. I have bought peanut M&M's. I have high hopes, if successful, that they will allow me to experience sex...and get rep...Legion like rep...
Elwood: Dear God. What's going on?
TheLurker: Getting reports of some sort of weird cyberspace monster probe ship thingie emitting some sort of powerful signal...then it all changes to nonsensical reports of how combat is better than sex and how Jesus loves you.
Elwood: Can you isolate the signal?
TheLurker: I'll try, sir. (Fiddles with controls, then violins with controls, then finally in frustration rock guitars the controls) I think I have it.
Elwood: On speaker
Speaker: Wah. Grr. Wah. Grr.
Cassandra: Interesting. (starts tapping on keyboard)
Elwood: You reckon you have some idea what that thar is? (pauses) Why am I craving M&M's?
Cassandra: Oh. (Gets up, goes to where TheLurker is staring vacantly and starting to pick her nose. Turns off speaker). There, that's better.
Storm: What the fuck was that? I wanted to...coach teenage football.
Cassandra: Apparently the signal was the cause. In its attempt to communicate it was draining all our brainpower.
Elwood: Well, why don't we just answer it? Tell it to shut the fuck up?
Cassandra: Americans. We shouldn't assume that it wants to talk to you. I don't think that signal was meant for anything human.
Elwood: Who the hell is it trying to talk to then?
Cassandra (goes to keyboard): Checking now...ah. Just as I thought. (points to screen) It wasn't meant for humans.
Elwood (stares at screen): Trolls?
Cassandra (nods): Exactly. Humpback trolls, to be exact.
Elwood: But...there hasn't been any humpback trolls since the Great TNZ Mass Troll Extinction of 2005!
Cassandra: Yes. Unless we can somehow disable this signal, we're all going to eventually end up as unemployed Arkansases...er...Arkansans, with delusions of greatness and an IQ in the minus digits. We will eat nothing but chocolate covered peanuts and eventually die of malnutrition while imagining we're respected political pundits.
Diacanu: What's so bad about that?
Elwood: Horrible. (sighs) I suppose we could try a suicide run...try to destroy the evil Space Creature thingie...
Order2Chaos: Er, sir?
Elwood: Yes, Lieutenant?
Order2Chaos: This is a former TBBS Warbird. It was never designed for conflict.
Elwood: Damn. Okay, so I reckon we need to find us a humpback troll. Maybe TrollKingdom?
Storm: Sorry. They're all razorbacks. Their humpbacks were long ago hunted to extinction.
Cassandra: There are no humpback trolls. But we can find some.
Storm: And how the hell are we supposed to do that? As far as we know the only humpback trolls were in TNZ, in the past.
Cassandra: Yes, Rucker. That's exactly what I said.
Storm: Jesus tap-dancin' Christ...!
Elwood: Okay then. Cassandra, start making the calculations for time travel.
Cassandra: That's easy.
Lanzman: It's just a jump to the left
Diacanu: And then a step to the right
TheLurker: With your hands on your hips
Order2Chaos: You bring your knees in tight
Rucker: But it's the pelvic thrust, that really drives you insane
Crew: Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
Elwood: Dear God, I'm on a ship full of Bragas...

TO BE CONTINUED

LOL. Man you sure know your Trek!

"Elwood: Dear God, I'm on a ship full of Bragas..."



Keep it coming, man. Keep it coming.

Who didn't see THAT bad guy coming?

This promises to be even better in the next part!

Soooo... where's the next part?

We demand Wordforge V: The Final Friendly!

I'm getting there! Part III of this one is up now