Okay... so this is a thread to kind of joke on.... So you start out with something that is good... and then end it with the worst thing you can think of. (female) You are about to have sex with the man of your dreams and you grow a penis. You are about to read the seventh Harry Potter book and your eyes fall out. You are about to go to the restroom because you have been holding it all day and your pee hole closes up.
You're finally kissing the person you love and all of a sudden, you're gay. (Or, you're finally kissing the person you love and all of a sudden, you're straight.) You wake up to find you're an albino in the middle of a bright, sunny beach at noon.
You're sipping your coffee and reaching for the sunday paper to read the latest Dilbert comic strip when suddenly Alec Baldwin appears and stuffs your genitals into a cuisnart.
Some fuckin' genius welds a cast iron plate underneath the general's jeep to protect him from ground fire, but never bothers to tell the glider pilot. Then, when the tow cuts loose, you come out of the sky like a fucking meteor. FUBAR!!
You trade a long, meaningful look with an exquisite lady across the ballroom...but are then crushed by a falling refrigerator.
As you pop in your long awaited DVD of "Naked Nuns of St. Anus Academy" and get comfortable on the couch, a fully nude Liza Minnelli straddles your face, locking tightly with her thighs, and says "Hurt me!".
You hear your favorite song coming on the radio...but you are pushed into a gigantic pile of razor blades.
You're driving your brand new car when you suddenly go blind. You finally get to that concert you've been waiting for a year to happen, and you go deaf halfway through. Then some guy in the stands above throws a bag of pee on your head.
Stadium shows? how lame. Go to a club show Well, you go to a show and you dislocate your knee in the pit (This is where I start fabricating ) and you get trampled on, glasses broken, pain everywhere, then someone deliberately beats you up on the floor. The band laughs, everyone laughs, you are stuck there until your only friend in the crowd calls for some help, like an ambulance. The ambulance comes, takes you away on a stretcher and drop you 5 times. You find out Hospitals became like italian ones overnight. Shitty, and done by nuns on low budget. The world goes to shit, and you are pregnant and you need to get to some whacko liberal organization that will help repopulate the world and make everyone fertile and able to have kids again, and possibly saving the world. While talking in a british accent and renaming your baby 10 different names. And slamming doors on people who are on bikes trying to kill you and just killed a good friend of yours. The End
You receive a letter from a good friend you haven't heard from in years...but you lose both arms in a wheat thresher accident.
It's been a long night of lies and exaggerations but you've finally managed to bring home the hottest woman you've ever seen. In an effort to enhance your meager reputation you decide to go down on her first thing and bring on a series of earth shattering orgasms. As you begin your important work, a tribe of pubic elves pop up and rip out your nose hair.
You go into the bar for a drink and tell the half deaf barkeep vodka and tonic only to be hauled away to the back for a high colonic!
Being told that a cure has been discovered, only for you, to combat the terminal T-virus that is putrifying your body, and then finding said cure is a bodyswap with an Irishman
You think are you drinking a regular old Bloody Mary... until it turns into blood! ewww You are sitting on the toilet taking a shit... when you literally start shittin' bricks. You are sitting in your house naked on a bean bag... eating cheetos... when the sweepstakes people come barging through your house with a camera crew casting you naked to the whole USA. Every time you say a cuss word... your teeth fall out....
You find a huge stash of yummy rice, more than you could eat in an entire hour . . . but it turns out to be poisoned, and then some human barges in and hauls you around and rubs a Klingon in your face before banishing you to a Klingon ship with no goodies onboard. Worst case ever. So very, very sad. I cry in horror every time I think about it.
You're about to finish the last word of your fantastic novel when Jenna appears, and breaks the computer with a powerful fist.
You've met the love of your life and feel the satisfying closure of the loop of destiny. The one you've waited for since you became aware of girls is finally yours! She tells you she's a lesbian.
