So someone mentioned in another thread that Ted has "rape fantasies", apparently. And I just don't understand this. Is it common for men to fantasize about this? Why? It bothers me because now I'm wondering, if I go on a date with a guy, and things go well, is he fantasizing about forcing himself onto me? That's very disturbing to me. I've made a poll...I think...and there's no "teh baba" option, cause this is actually something of a serious issue to me. I just wanna know...why?
I'm guessing that a lot of people answering aren't going to be completely honest, or are going to be limited by the options listed.
Because, people feel paranoid that someone would figure that it was them and then they would have the creepy label, the Ted one not the Storm one.
All you had to do was ask a mod to edit it! And I voted no. I don't find violence of any sort a turn-on
IMO, rape can be defined as the act of violently forcing sex upon an unwilling individual. Well forcing sex in general. There is a huge gray area, it is hard to say anything properly without contradicting myself in defense of bondage or sado-masochistic play. If a person was on the sado side of S&M people would think they fantasize about raping, while on the maso side people would think they fantasize about being raped. It is also a valid arguement that those fantasies create these tendencies, sadism and masochism, though I feel they can be wholly seperate interests. Personally I think rapists are disgusting and have no interest in ever raping anyone or anything. Besides, half the fun of sex is the challenge of charming a woman into bed- not holding her at gunpoint.
I don't know if there's a cut-and-dried way to make the poll better. But it depends on what you define as "rape" and what you define as "fantasize." Both have more of a spectrum than a "yes/no" poll would indicate. I would guess, for instance, that most men have fantasized about having sex with an underaged hottie. Is that a rape fantasy? It's not an unheard of thing in porn for a woman to say "no" repeatedly, but you can tell she really means "yes." Is having a fantasy about breaking down a woman's initial resistance and then having her be enthusiastic about sex a "rape fantasy"? Is watching such porn and being turned on by it an example of having a rape fantasy? How about kinky play-acting? If you're with a consenting partner but have her all bound up (or you're all bound up) and pretending to say "no," is that a rape fantasy? Is having a dream in which you are raping someone or being raped akin to a rape fantasy? Disclaimer: None of the above should be used to infer anything about the past, present or future sexual practices in the Red Shirt household or any other place Raoul the Red Shirt has had, has tried to have, or wanted to have sex.
It's not rape if it's consensual. If it's consensual with an underage, then it's statuatory rape, still penalised by jail time.
Well, if teenage girls giving their consent is counted as a "rape fantasy", then put me down for option 1.
Well, rape is designed as "not having permission to have sex". Which gives a lot of grey areas. For example, women have successfully put men in jail for having sex with them while drunk. When they were drunk they consented to have sex with them, but when sober they decided they made a mistake and press charges on the basis that she was not in their right mind because she was affected by alcahol and thus not able to give consent.
Well fantasies are a different thing. Fantasies can be whatever you want. There are many things I fantasize about that would absolutely not work in real life. I wouldn't want them to come true. ( And no I won't share them with you) According to Nancy Friday " Her Secret Garden" "Woman on Top" etc. rape fantasies are common. That doesn't mean that women want to be raped or that men want to rape women. Or women want to rape men ( yes, that's a fantasy that can occur, too.) Usually those kind of fantasies are more about control and either wanting to lose it or take control. Anyways, I don't think you should be worrying that every man is secretly thinking of raping you.
Well geez, if she were, like, unconscious or something, then yeah, she can't exactly give consent in her sleep. I'd agree with that ruling. But if she we on top of me, riding me like Tonto rode Scout, then that's a different story.
I don't. For one thing, she chose to get drunk. And in the case of drunk drivers, if they're not in their right mind why should they be held responsible for their actions?
Rape fantasies, like much else in the BDSM area, are about control and power. Surrendering power over one's own body - and the converse, being given that power over someone else's body - can be an ENORMOUS turn-on. It has also been argued by my acquaintances in the local BDSM community that a D/s relationship is stronger than a "vanilla" (i.e. "normal") sexual relationship because of the level of trust necessary in such "power exchanges". Note that the watchwords for these folks are "Safe, Sane and Consensual", which emphasis on the "Consensual". People are afraid to talk about this here because they don't want to be associated with Ted, but I suspect that "Consenusal" is where the difference lies here. There's a big difference between having your girl say, "Honey, I want to use the handcuffs and the feathers tonight" and lying in wait in the bushes for the next victim to come along. It's a mistake to equate the two. And I admit I am possibly being unfair to Ted here, but there's a streak of rage and self loathing in him that's unmistakable and makes me truly wonder about him.
It's a throwback to our caveman past--at the most direct level, there was a time when the alpha male essentially bonked the female of his choice over the head and dragged her by her hair back to his cave. This is why both men and women have, to some degree "rape fantasies". At an additional degree men used to be hard-wired as hunters; seeing what they want, stalking their "prey", and forcibly taking it. I submit that the "rape fantasy" essentially appeals to that primordial urge to hunt. And finally, I'll point out that rape fantasies are popular because they are so simple a caveman can do them.
They fit quite easily into most mixed drinks, and you can even get one down a longneck beer with some good hand/eye coordination. I have seen it in films.
My God, you just went and changed a thread about rape fantasies into a debate about Lamarckism. Not bad for a slow Friday afternoon!
Perhaps I should clarify... When I think of rape fantasies, I'm not exactly thinking of handcuffs and feather boas. I'm thinking of things like those rape porns, where the whole theme is basically a woman getting accosted and raped. That's the sort of rape fantasy I mean. And while I think it's a little...ahem...creepy to fantasize about underage girls, I won't criticize it because, frankly, the media portrays them that way as is now anyway. No, what worries me is the people who fantasize about rape, real rape, the kind of rape that doesn't involve feathers and spanking.
So? A fantasy is a fantasy. As long as they are not trying to rape you in reality, why do you care what they might be fantasizing in their head? I have had all kinds of fantasies that were arousing in my head but I have zero interest in persuing in reality. Different scenarios and taboos are exciting and erotic...the fact you don't enjoy or understand someone else's fantasy doesn't make their fantasies inherently wrong. Rape is not a problem until it is actually rape, in my opinion.
