What do you tell a friend that lives like this?

How do you tell someone that their lifestyle is disgusting and you don't want to be a part of it?

Maybe not a part of their life necessarily...but..I dunno...here's the situation.

I have this close friend I met in art school. She's a great person and we get along fine. She's honestly one of the most caring people I've ever met and she gets taken advantage of a lot because of it. I've tried to be a friend that's there for her and doesn't take her for granted like nearly everyone has.

She is also very very new age and literally a hippy incarnate. Probably the thing that lead up to this was when she lost her arm in a wreck. I didn't know her before that, but from things she's told me and what I've noticed, it changed her view on life and everything around her. She's very into the higher thinking and "we are more than our bodies" concept. Which I totally understand, but essentially, she has gone waaaaayyyyy overboard with it. She spends ALL of her time and energy studying and reading about the alien race of Kryon and how we came from them and how the Reptilians are disguised as humans here on this earth and they literally morph randomly into a reptile type human and they are here to try and take over.
She TRUELY believes all of this, but has no real proof, she simply believes it because she feels it is correct. What do I say to this? I try and listen and be open minded but kind of show her the logical side of it

Ex: "...that is not a person morphing on camera, that is simply the pixelation going crazy for a second because there was interruption in the syncing." (or whatevs...I'm not a videographer, but I have sense enough to know it's something of the sort)

"But it's not!" is ALWAYS her argument. No more, no less.

But that's really not even half of my frustration at this point, I just wanted to give you an idea of the situation and her mindset.

Now and again when she goes out of town, I watch her apartment for her because she has 4 cats and a fish, so I come over and stay here and take care of them while she's gone. I know that she's not well off, even though she doesn't have to work, so I never really ask for anything. Staying at her apartment and using her Internet, that's fine with me.

However, this time when she went out of town, she called me out of the blue after she was already on the other side of the state:

"Hey, I'm at my mom's now, do you mind going and watching the cats and fish while I'm gone?"

I didn't have to work for several days (her apartment is about 45 minutes from my work), so sure, what are friends for? I ask her if the cats have enough food.

"yea, they should be fine for a few days."

Okay, so...the cats are now completely out of food and she won't be back til Saturday. No big deal, though, right? Just a few bucks for another bag of food, right? But this isn't the first time this has happened. Luckily I have the money for the food, but what if I didn't? I really don't feel like it's my responsibility to make sure they have food. I've asked her to make sure there's enough food before she leaves like that, but this still happens.

Not only that but her apartment is disgusting. I used to come over and help her clean it, or clean it while she was gone but again...how many times should I do that before SHE'S the one taking advantage of ME? I know she's not doing it on purpose because I know her lifestyle. She wouldn't ever clean up if no one else helped her. She's gotten better and kept her living area fairly clean, but the spare room is disgusting.
She puts the litter box in the carpeted room. Yes. Carpet. Not to mention her cats have no fucking clue how to use the litter box. Oh, sure, they use it, but they seem to not have any clue how to scrape over it IN THE LITTER BOX. They scrape the side, around it, the walls, the table, anything close to them within paws reach BUT the litter in the box. There's an article of clothing around the litter box? you can guarantee that will end up IN the litter box. I'm trying, at this point, to keep things liveable but not do it for her. Only problem is, her vacuum cleaner is broken but still "works" (meaning it runs, but doesn't pic up shit). Buy a new vacuum cleaner? Of course not, she spends all her money on weed, bills, and new age books.

But it's disgusting...what do you tell a grown woman that lives like this? She's lived like this since I first met her, so even if I talk to her about it, would she understand where I'm coming from at all? SHOULD I talk to her? Should I not say anything? Should I stop hanging out with her? I have NO idea what to do.

Sorry this is so damn long, it's just a lot of little shit that folds together and creates how I'm feeling and what I'm questioning and thinking.
HALP.

None of this is your problem. Unless she's ripping people's faces off or something, her beliefs are her business.

Whatever you do, you aren't inherently responsible for anything involving her. Taking it upon yourself to clean up her life, especially if she has no interest in maintaining the changes you're trying to make, is going to do nothing but cause you stress. The best thing you can do is point out that her living conditions are unhealthy and wait to help her with any changes she decides to make.

SHE has to decide to make a change.

TKO?

Have we got a Dear Abbey column in the Red Room now?

Is that allowed?

I mean we don't allow math.

Have you ever considered throwing her down a flight of stairs?

Drop her. She's a deadbeat, and it looks like there's a reason WHY people stay away from her.

As long as it's "Dear Abby" and not "Dear Abacus" I think we'll be okay.

I have a friend who used to be like that. Cool guy but lazy and a complete slob. Was also a conspiracy nut too. His big thing was the planet x bullshit and 911. That I didn't mind so much cause I'd just fuck with him. I'd listen to his crazy theory nodding my head and then be like, "Yeah, I saw a picture of Bush leaving the World Trade Center 15 minutes before the first plane hit." Then after a few minutes of watching him get all excited I'd tell him he seriously needs to cut back on the weed while a take a giant hit.

The only thing that really drove me crazy was the disgusting state of his apartment and this was a really nice apartment too on Bal Harbour, right on the fucking beach. I mean if that was my place I'd have women from out of town and on vacation coming through there like it was a fucking hotel but you couldn't bring women back to that place. It was goddamn filthy. Clothes everywhere, pizza boxes all over the place, dishes in the sink that would sit there for weeks. He even had this black crud that was coming out of the sink. If I went to visit I'd bring my own drinks because he never had a clean glass and I certainly was going near the sink to wash one and I wouldn't stay for more than an hour or two because the state of the place would drive me fucking crazy. Eventually I stopped going by and when he asked me why I don't come by anymore I was completely honest. We've been boys since middle school so I didn't have any qualms about telling him what was up. I just said that place was fucking filthy to the point were crackheads would be embarrassed to shoot up there. That didn't motivate him to change his lifestyle at all, not that I'd expected it too. He was always like that. When we were kids his mom would scream at him cause he'd leaves plates and bowls and cups under his bed for days.

He did eventually change his ways though and all it took was the same thing it takes for most guys. Some damn good pussy. He met a girl with some good pussy and I tell you what that place was fucking spiffy. There was food in the fridge, there were plates to eat out of, there wasn't any science experiment growing out of his sink. The only bad thing was that I still couldn't bring drunk women on vacation up to his place because his girl was there now. That good pussy was the best thing that ever happened to him and I told him as much. He married that good pussy six months later and six months after that, approximately two months ago that good pussy popped out my goddaughter.

Don't know if this story helps you at all Bunnie but maybe what your friend needs is some good pussy. You should give that a try and then report back to us your findings.

Herb, that's a good theory and all, but let's be real here: How many guys do you know who go for real hippie chicks these days? Not the poser hippie chicks who bathe and shave, but the real hippie chicks who have rainforests going pits and crotch? Girls... well, maybe you've got some odds going there. There's always the androgynous lumberjack lesbian types, the mullet-sporting flannel-wearing long-haul truckin' munchers. But is Bunnie's gal pal into girl-dick? If she's a real hippie, her politics might sway her in that direction, but it's long odds, all told.

bahahah. That's actually EXACTLY like her. No joke. Dishes and all. No joke.

Problem is, she's so incredibly new age that sex is nearly meaningless unless there's a huge spiritual connection. And usually the people she feels that to are people just like her. The last guy was a drifter (aka. homeless + "spiritual") and sucked her dry of the little bit of money she had by dragging her to new york and loading her up with a shitload of acid and probably laced their weed with coke.

and in response to that last comment. Tried that already. A long time ago. Didn't work.

According to her, she "doesn't see gender."

What I'm gathering, then, is that she's hopeless. Stop trying to make her life better. You can't. It's her life. Let her live. Let her, if it comes to that, die. It will have been nothing that belonged to you that perished.

I'm probably the closest friend she has right now.

If you let that matter, you're volunteering for a life sentence.

And there's a reason for that -- because she has either a) run off the rest of them or b) people became tired of the way she is living. It just took you longer to get to that point.

Honestly, by worrying about this girl, trying to help her out, and just stressing out about her life -- you're causing yourself more harm than good.

I know it's hard, but a person in your situation just has to let go...otherwise it will consume you.

What did you try exactly? And what were you wearing when you tried it? These are important details.

In all seriousness though you have to decide how much her friendship means to you. This guy has been my best friend since middle school. His cousin is my brothers best friend and I dated his sister. The woman he married is my step fathers niece. We're pretty damn close, as close as I am to any of my brothers so I wasn't ever going to cut him out of my life. I just refused to go by his place. We'd still hang out though at mine or my brothers and when we went out. We were close enough that we respected each others dicisions even if we didn't like them. He understood why I wouldn't come by anymore and I understood that he wasn't going to change and we didn't let that come between is.

If your friendship is that strong you should be able to tell her how you feel without it getting between you two.

Guess she must be looking for Red Room answers.

So...

Bunnie, tell your cat-loving, one-armed hippie art school buddy that you're anti-Kryonic, your culinary library includes several Melmacian recipes, and threaten to continue sharing the details of the splatter house she calls home in the wrong forum on Wordforge.

I think my biggest worry is hurting her feelings. I know that sounds dumb, but I feel like it's the last thing she needs.

C'mon man, so she's a Kryonists, can't say I blame her. Embracing a reptilian reality may be only her means of maintaining hope that her arm will grow back. And as crazy at it sounds, Dr. Curtis Connors has made several breakthroughs in the field.

Say the word and this thread is Blue Room bound.


Until then, it sounds (more and more) like you're trying to justify why you're doing some slop you don't want to do. By all accounts you're the one with the problem here, not her.

Maybe it's exactly what she needs. Granted, you'll both feel bad when you do it -- but it may be that she needs just that kind of catalyst to jump start her back toward the real world and a healthy lifestyle. In any case, it's time for that to stop mattering to you as much as it seems to You can't save her from drowning if she isn't swimming -- she can only drown you both.

Good grief, Bunnie sounds like the troubled one not her friend.

I never said I was perfect. Of course I have flaw in this too, I wouldn't be in this position if I didn't.

I tend to be too nice to the wrong people at the wrong time. I worry about their convencience before my own and it gets me into trouble sometimes. I feel like I'm coming out of that, but this friend is part of that which started several years ago and I'm trying to learn how to... I dunno... Not chew off my own arm just to help a friend?

Had I done this the smart way, I would have learned how she was early and not gotten so close. Then when it came to these errands, set my foot down on needing gas money and replacement food for the cats or money for it before she leaves. I'm just having to learn how and where it's my business to intervene. I've never been a bitch to her, I don't want to be, and I never really thought her lifestyle would be pushed on me like this.

So yes, it is my problem. That's why I came here for advice.

She's got it all wrong. It's not Kryon, it's Krypton, and the aliens aren't reptiles, they just like us.

You can fix this situation real easy. Tools you'll need.

1) A gasmask and NBC protective clothing.

2) An iPod loaded with Slayer and a pair of head phones the dollar sells several kinds for three bucks or less.

3) A Stun gun.

Follow these steps.

1) Break into your friends home while she is asleep.

2) Don your gas mask and protective clothing.

3) Sneak into your friend's bedroom. Place headphones over her ears.

4) Activate iPod with volume set to max.

5) As she wakes in terror inform her in your best Darth Vader voice that you are a Xeon mortal enemy of the Kryons and that you have come to her with a warning. That warning is the Kryons love hippie meat and are attracted to messy apartments and especially ones with unwashed dishes and uncleaned litter boxes. And that the only way she can protect herself from them is to become a better housekeeper and a member of the TEA Party and that she should never vote for a Democrat.

6) Hit her with the stun gun and make your exit.

7) Delete Slayer from iPod.

Murder.

Okay Bunnie, I wouldn't ordinarily recommend this, but if you truly care about her (and this girl definitely has issues) contact the local hospital's crisis number and tell them that you are afraid for your friend's safety and ask that she be admitted for evaluation. I know, I don't ordinarily recommend psychiatrists, but this poor woman needs one right now, if anything just to bounce ideas off him/her. This will give the doctor alot more to work with. Now, if she's advertising that she's gonna kill herself, contact the police ASAP. People who are suicidal are NOT kidding when they say they want to die and have a plan to do it, contrary to belief that they just want attention. People don't realize just how sick a mentally ill person can become. It actually sounds like this girl is headed toward schizophrenic or antisocial personality disorder. If you can prevent that from happening, you'll be hated at first, but later revered as the greatest friend she's ever had if they can get her mind back in working order.

Oh I don't know. Judging from the government and celebrity types,
she may have a point.
You could tell her you're one of the lizard people and that you want to devour her cats. That way she'll willingly break off with you and you won't have any guilt not having to deal with her.

Live up to your promise, and then tell the friend you're never watching her shit again.

We get to choose our friends. You should unchoose this one. Start by asking for reimbursement for the cat food. Hopefully she'll just start avoiding you and you'll be off the hook.

But if she confronts you about not being "friends" anymore, just tell her that being friends with her was too much like work.

You don't say much, if anything. Contrary to the popular mindset, particularly with females, talking it into the fucking ground, shifting the attention to yourself and your self-absorbed need to be heard, is not the solution to everything. You can't "fix" people, and it's not really your place to try. You either deal with a person and all of their bullshit, or you fucking don't.

Now, if you stop putting up with them, and that becomes a pattern with everyone in their life, maybe they start taking stock of themselves and trying to correct their shit. In that case, if they come to you asking for opinions and advice, then it's time to drop a few blunt anvil hints.