If You Could Make Your Own Religion...

Just for fun, if you could make your own religion, and your own god or gods, what would you make it?

Like, what would be the reward for those who were good, and what would be considered good? What would be the punishment for those who were bad, i.e. what would you do with the pedophiles, thieves, and people who talk and text in the theater?

I think for myself, I'd create a religion based on angels. You would store up good deeds, such as giving money to the needy, taking care of orphans, and doing chores for the elderly. When you stored up enough of this good deeds power, you could call upon a guardian angel, and have one wish granted for a day. However, that deed could not hurt anyone else, so the person couldn't ask the angel to, say, kill someone, or you couldn't ask the angel to make so-and-so's wife sleep with you.

Piety in this religion would not be about going to a church, but actually going out and making the world a better place. Churches would be for the healing of diseases and sicknesses, and going to a church and dipping yourself in holy water would cleanse you of said diseases.

Pedophiles would have their assholes pierced with a trident burning with fervent heat, and stuck in the basement of a church for a month, while being continually violated by the trident-wielding angel. (The church would serve as both a place to heal, and a torture dungeon.) People who talk in a theater would be grabbed by an angel and have their tongues seared by a metal rod. People who texted in a theater would have all the fingers they used for texting cut off. People who get distracted while driving due to cell phone use would have a cherub appear beside them and stab them in the ear with a metal toothpick. All these people can then go to the church and take a dip in the holy water and they would be healed in a month. Limbs would grow back.

People who cheat on their spouses or significant others would have their private parts mutilated, and they would not be allowed in church for up to a year.

Your turn!

No fear.
No credulity.
Go home, folks.

Invent my own religion?

Let's see:

a) Never have to go to church or listen to someone else tell me what I should do.
b) Never have to pay tithes.
c) Never have to be faithful to my significant other or, my own religion forbid, have to be faithful to just one at a time.
d) Drink / smoke / shoot up / etc. anything I want.
e) Say anything I want to anyone I want at anytime.
f) Whenever there's any conflict on what to do, always put myself or my own desires first.

Hmmmm.. Sounds like an invented religion already chosen by a good part of the world already.

...for if you stare too long into the abyss, the abyss will eventually stare back into you; and you will see yourself, with me as God.

Is that your brain?

You really should stop implying non-ironically that anyone else is stupid...

The good old FSM looks pretty tasty in that photo.

In your case no one need imply. It's fact beyond all doubt.

It wouldn't really be a religion at all. There would be no gods, no supernatural otherworld. The commands would be simple:

1] Love one another.
2] Do good works for the joy of doing them.
3] Treat others with the same, or greater respect that you wish to be given.

That's it.

This is not a responsibility I would want.

So...are you saying C-F necessarily follow without A&B?

Or, just for yourself?

Sounds nice, but I like mine better.

No fear, means to not give or receive it.
That cuts out most of the bad shit of religion right there.
No Hell, no plagues, no bullying, the whole shtick loses its teeth.

No credulity, ditto, no experiencing, or exploiting.
If you're always in "what's up with this jive?", mode, the ghost-stories won't take, and a religion like that ain't gonna weave no ghost stories.

Hmm, s'pose I could add "no guilt", but without a boogeyman to enforce it, you're not gonna get too far with it (creating guilt, that is).

And without that whole toxic soup, why even go to a stuffy building full of creepy torture-porn statuary, to compare clothing with mean-faced little gossips?
That's why it ends with "go home, folks".

Now, I'd like to say your list naturally follows from my list when observed...but, you've actually got two choices, love, or apathy.

But...I'd rather apathy observed than sociopathy.

And...the golden rule doesn't preclude that.
"Treat others as you would be treated", well, what if you're a sado-masochist?
Eh?

My way, good people like you do good, assholes stay home, and scratch their balls.

Everyone's happy.

And the ones who can't manage that?
Who are driven by "...dammit, I gotta be out there fuckin with someone!".
Well...they come up with religions.
The kind with books, and churches.
And collection plates.

Geez, this isn't about how you wish the world would run, but to establish what you'd like to see happen - if anything at all - to those who didn't follow your religion or philosophy. So, what if people didn't follow J. Allen's Love One Another or Diacanu's No Fear, Go Home? And what would people get if they did follow it? Be more creative, people.

Welcome to the Democratic party!

Oh, fine, positive, a stint in the orgasmatron, negative, blistering ridicule by the entire planet, accompanied by total utter political powerlessness.

Indeed it does. It was that point of view that lead me to embrace Christianity as a teenager, and while I no longer believe Jesus was anything more than a man, his words still hold great wisdom and are worth studying.

That's understandable. Treating others how you wish to be treated isn't about inflicting the same wants and desires you have onto others, but understanding that your neighbor has just as much right to wish, dream and hope as you do.

The consequences of not following the philosophy I laid down is to see a world where human beings are cold and callous to one another, ignoring each other's needs, and exploiting their weaknesses and fears. Creating new fears resolves nothing, as love cannot be derived from fear.

As for reward, love does not derive from want. Offering someone a reward just to engage in basic human compassion does not encourage love, it encourages avarice and exploitation. It is a false thing, and leaves the world in the same state as if love would not exist.

It seems like a wish fulfillment/petty vengeance paradigm is wanted and I can't really think of one I'd want to inflict on the world.

1) I am your god, you shall not have strange gods before you.
2) It pleases your god to have your attractive wives and daughters suck on his knob.
3) Oh, and tithe 10% of your income to me as well.

I'm satisfied with the religion I have.

Interestingly, Democrats are more likely to have rejected Christianity in favor of secularism than Republicans.

Aren't those pretty much the same thing?

Some of you are missing the point: The thing is to invent your own religion, NOT the only religion or spiritual path on the planet. Just think of all the fun if all our made-up religions became real ? Come on, people, roll with it ! It'll be fun.

Most of the Wiccan beliefs I would keep. This would involve caring for ourselves and the planet (hmm, I can hear the "goddamn hippie" grumblings already) so we don't become extinct.
Everyone would have to be treated the way they wish to be treated or there would be... consequences. An invisible being would make sure the same thing happened to you.
Pleasure is to be embraced, along with sexuality in all it's fullness.
"And it harm none, do as thou wilt," shall be a guiding principle. If you want to go out and light off C4 in the middle of nowhere, that's fine by me.
Enjoy each day as if you were going to die tomorrow. Because you never know.
If we all took that last part seriously, how would the world change ? I have more, but just have to go to sleep.

My religion would involve standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at me.

Or at least there'd be a thousand hot naked women worshiping me.

Maybe ten thousand. Just to be sure.

^ I thought I was the only one that had that dream

The only mortal sin would be using a leaf blower before 10 AM or after 5 PM.

Oh.
Then, I already did.

Religion hacks me off, I don't wanna control people, even for the perceived good.
The bit with Galadriel and the One Ring, and all that.

Well?

Give unto baba what is baba's.

I'd probably go with something along the lines of the Fosterite Church of the New Revelation.