URGENT CELEBRITY NEWS!! MUST READ!!!

Katie Holmes' greatest acting job is ending...she and Tom Cruise are splitting up.

Didn't everyone call it like, 10 years ago?

The beard has left the buildign.

She got sick of the unmedicated crazy, huh? About time. Maybe she should seek treatment for codependency.

Too bad she probably signed an NDA that'll keep all the juicy stuff out of the press.

Why is that "probable"?

That's awesome news! Now Tom Cruise and John Travolta can finally have their Big Gay Wedding!!!

Stop giving these assclowns undeserved attention, you swishy little gossip whore. Fuck's sake.

Wait, I thought she was dating Bruce Wayne.

she would be hot as sin if she gained like 30 pounds, IMO.

Yeah, but she's cross-eyed!

cause she's HUNGRY and therefore delirious.

Because the marriage was a sham designed to deflect rumors surrounding Tom Cruise, and she probably knows things that could destroy his career. He used the Scientology Celebrity Centre to audition prospective wives. My guess is her contract was up and she either wanted out or wanted more money. So..."divorce."

Source?

I highlighted "Katie Holmes", from this thread, insta-Googled, and it was all over the first page.

That's what I get for waiting for it to pop up by itself on the Google News page.

I wonder if Tom's gonna go the way of his good buddy, current Scientology czar David Miscavige (also best man at T & K's wedding,) who is evidently still married, but whose wife hasn't been seen in years...

Probably not...too high-profile.

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Scientology also likes to keep blackmail material on all of its members, usually by keeping records on the stuff that gets revealed in what amounts to a confession new members give as a condition of becoming a new member.

I don't know.

If I was going to be in a sham marriage, I wouldn't have drawn all the attention Tom Cruise did acting like the most obsessed stalker in the world on the Oprah show.

Plus, there is their kid who looks like them both. Was that part of the sham marriage, too?

I dunno, how far did Rock Hudson's studio arranged sham marriage go?

One night with me and her eyes will be knocked back in their proper position, but she'll have to buy me a new headboard. Fuck it, just send Tom the bill.

As for that crooked smirk/smile on her face, do the math on how I can fix that during our epic night together!

No math in the Red Room!

This came about four years later than most of us expected.

And nothing of value was lost.

That's not bad, that's good. I don't give a shit about a pair of losers' failed marriage, and the less space that takes up in the news, the less time, the better it is for all of us.

Fuck 'em both, they could both die in fire today and I wouldn't give a shit, nor would it have any impact whatsoever on any meaningful world event.

I'm sorry, but anyone who's potentially had Cruise's penis in them is permanently on my "unclean" list. Some shit just can't be washed off.

I'm glad she finally tunneled her way out of there and escaped.

The paparazzi managed to capture the event in a photograph:

You'd pass up some Nichole Kidman?

You'se ca-razah.

Who are these people and why should I care?