Left Behind - The Remake

I heard they were remaking the abysmal christian-porn Left Behind as a theatrical movie. Now comes the trailer:




And if that wasn't horrible enough for you, here's the One-Sheet:




The look on Nick Cage's face is fucking hysterical. It's like he realized, "Oh fuck, my career's finally over!"

Shit, I was racing to post exactly that.
Now I got nothin.
Fiddlesticks.

Nicolas Cage has huge money problems. He spends money faster than the Flash can run. He's in trouble with the IRS, various exes, and probably every bank on the planet. And he's got signs of having an alcohol problem as well.

Point is, the only thing he cares about in an acting contract is salary. I doubt he had any idea what he was signing up for when he signed the dotted line.

Holy shit he's my hero! A fucking living, breathing epic train wreck.
So here's my idea: a movie ABOUT Nicolas Cage - but who would play him? Regardless, I can't believe nobody has thought of this yet.

Wouldn't it just be a remake of "Leaving Las Vegas"?

Elizabeth Shue naked - thanks for reminding me. I'll google her, then retire to my bunk for the night.

What is your problem with "Left Behind" Black Dove? Aside from it's probably being inaccurate (Most Christians I've heard of believe that the Rapture is supposed to occur half way through the 7 years of tribulation, not before it).

Movie will be undoubtedly shit, but with the addition of Cage there is great potential for this to be entertaining in the trainwreck sort of way.

Capital idea!

Nicolas Cage already did Left Behind... although in this case it was giant piece of shite called Knowing.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2011/08/07/left-behind-index-i-posts-1-50/

Good reading.

it's a red room discussion but that whole school of theology is less than 200 years old. If not for the Scofield Bible it would have faded to a fringe status by now.

I kind of liked The Knowing.

Kind of very much so. Proyas'd with dark figures and whatnot but very good and original.

There's a new trailer up.

Looks awful.

It was released last weekend, and not only does it have a 2% score on Rotten Tomatoes, but Christianity Today HATES it. Let me repeat that: Christianity Today HATES it!

If this movie is as bad as the trailer, every theater might have suddenly empty seats from people mysteriously disappearing.

We need Christian space opera.

Like "The Lamb Among the Stars" trilogy.

The space battles in the last book are outstanding.

Try Black Jesus. It's got Charlie Murphy in it and I hear it's great.

THIS was a hilarious Simpsons episode:
http://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Thank_God_It's_Doomsday

a satirical parody of this dude:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Miller_(preacher)

Either Nicholas Cage has become a Rapturist whacko, i$ DE$PERATE for ca$h, or maybe BOTH of those? A percentage of Hollywooders seem to get Pody Snatched more often by Scientology as opposed to Rapturist Christianity, but the end result is the same:

I just watched this. Don't know why, just found it on the server and didn't realize soon enough it was that LEFT BEHIND (the books are almost unknown over here). Then I remembered I had seen the original from around the turn of the millennium. Crappy, crappy quality. But the old version had one single redeeming quality: it was perfect trolling of teh libruls before the word troll even entered the public consciousness. The whole thing was designed to offend anyone who's not a regular at the Westboro Baptist Church.

The latest one probably only offends little people. It serves no other purpose. OK, maybe magic. Because it must be magic how the plane changes in flight with every shot. One aisle from the outside, two from the inside with only one in first class, a 747 when we see the cockpit, something else from other perspectives. I wonder why they didn't simply stop it in the air and touch down on an aircraft carrier Harrier-style. Not too much of a stretch IMHO.

Anyway, technicalities. It also has a message. That is, BOY do we believe we have a blockbuster. Let's not tell a whole story but point to the big budget sequel the public certainly already lusts for come the final scene. Seeing how it bypassed theaters here and elsewhere to land straight in the DVD bargain bin I doubt that will happen. Also, stuff. Like being an insufferable Jesus freak somehow makes you a person worth saving. Nope, I don't think so. Would Jesus really want to surround himself with Jesus freaks for all eternity? I think he'd go all Satan within the week.

I'm unwilling to go over the rest of the movie. The plot is too thin to even discuss it. Something about Jesus freak mom being worried and not Jesus freak daddy looking for something a little more blonde than reading Ezekhiel yet again this Friday. And the daughter who keeps running around with her head obviously left in the car just to end up in juuuust the right place at the right time with the right tools.

Nic oh Nic oh Nic. What has become of you. Churning out three to four movies per year, all complete crap. Really, there wasn't anything worth watching since what, KICK-ASS? KNOWING? He seems to be at an interesting point in his life now, namely where his name is still enough to give him enough roles but those don't demand anything but him showing up half sober and reading his lines from a teleprompter. That is sad because I think he's still getting good offers too.

1/10 because the movie is in color and the sound mostly matches the picture.

Does Cage do his own stunts?
Does he have a beard of bees at any point?
Does anyone have a beard of bees at any point, that being one of the Tribulations/
Three Musketeers/Four Horsemen deals?

Nicolas Cage gotta eat.

Man, I actually feel bad for him, having to take on these shit projects just to pay the bills. I hope his legal and financial difficulties are soon "left behind."

Well the very fact it's a Christian movie is going make a lot of people hate it, so it's hard to judge comments on quality.

That aside...

I never understood the Nicholas Cage hate, I've liked pretty much everything I've seen him in.

If I had the portal from "Sliders", I'd really love to see the universe where "Superman Lives", existed.

He could also write a book on how to blow hundreds of millions of dollars. I mean, it's an art form. Volume 2 could be about how to actively not find buyers for all the stuff he obviously bought. That's magic too, owning property in the three-digit-millions and not being able to sell at a half decent price even during the height of the financial crisis. Those were houses only people untouched by said crisis would buy anyway.

And yes, I had to read up on what was going on with him. I had no idea he was in trouble but now I do understand a few things.

Yes, I went to a gossip site to learn about this.

I will not do that again

I don't know if it would've been good--some of the concepts Burton had were a little, ah, strange--but it would've been interesting.

Absolutely.

Course, my luck, the Twilight Zone twist, I'd get the DVD back to this dimension, and the player would say "cannot operate disk".