Batboy Received Batboy's 2010 Census Form

Batboy is elated! Today, Batboy returned to Batboy's Lair after a long day eluding Evil Scientists, to find that Batboy has been entrusted with the task of helping to ensure that Batboy's neighborhood receives Batboy's neighborhood's fair share of government money! Batboy is honored.

Unfortunately, when Batboy opened Batboy's envelope, Batboy's elation turned to trepidation. Batboy understands that Batboy is required by "law" to truthfully answer the questions posed to Batboy, and Batboy would hate to impeded Batboy's neighborhood's ability to receive Batboy's neighborhood's "fair share" of government money. Unfortunately, Batboy is not sure Batboy can appropriately answer the questions posed to Batboy.

The first question posed asks Batboy "How many people were living or staying in this house, apartment, or mobile home on April 1, 2010." Batboy has a number of problems with this question.

First, Batboy does not live in a house, apartment or mobile home. Batboy lives in Batboy's Secret Lair. Batboy cannot in good conscious answer this question, as Batboy's acceptance of the question's premise would prove misleading.

Second, Batboy is not technically a person. Batboy is a batboy. Again, Batboy cannot in good conscious answer this question, as Batboy's answer could prove misleading.

Third, even if Batboy could overcome the first two issues, Batboy's time machine is unfortunately in the shop for recall work. Batboy's time machine has been experiencing sudden and unexplained acceleration problems, and Batboy's manufacturer cannot determine the precise cause. Batboy was a bit peeved when Batboy tried to hop forward to 12/21/2012 to see what the big deal was, and Batboy ended up in the midst of the Zampalian Invasion of 2347. Batboy gave Batboy's manufacturer an earful over that one. Batboy is still trying to get the symbiotic shrimp out of Batboy's armpits. In any event, without Batboy's time machine, how could Batboy truthfully and appropriately answer this question? Batboy's letter instructs Batboy to fill out and mail back Batboy's form TODAY.

Batboy has numerous issues with the other nine questions as well. Batboy will leave those questions for later, however. Batboy appreciates any advice Wordforge can provide. After all, Batboy really would like to ensure that Batboy's neighborhood receives lots of government money!

Answer how many bats and batlings are in your lair and then tell them the rest is unconstitutional and to go get fucked.

Has Batboy time-travelled? In my timeline 1 April 2010 AD has not yet occurred, and therefore one would not know for certain how many occupants occupy a lair on that date. Maybe I am not going fast enough.

This is why the Endangered White Male never gets his gubmint check. Nobody knows he's there.

Batboy is right. I got the same form today, and my DeLorean is COMPLETELY out of plutonium. I'll have to wait until April 1, 2010.

And that's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it, uh huh uh huh.

I think we should fuck with 'em a little. Everybody who gets a census form should indicate that they are homosexual living with a domestic partner.

Can't you picture it? The GOP will be lobbying Europeans to come over here and breed like rabbits offering $5K a kid, while the DNC and John McCain looks to Mexico, going "see, we told you so, now ask little Pedro to go wash our cars and shine our shoes, Maria."

I'm going to do what one radio talk show host said, under race put other and say American.

They'll have no trouble translating that to "Caucasian." And "moron."

They don't include the question about how many morons and idiots are in your household anymore.

And yes, they used to.

Specifically:

Yep, Big Brother has arranged for us all to give up our info for the database. I suppose I should be glad they didn't ask for a blood sample for DNA ID but I figure it's just a matter of time.

The race card is old, we're Americans. Start treating us like it.

Questions Asked on the 1800 Census

• Name of the head of each household.
  [*]How many free white males under age 10.
  [*]How many free white males over 10 and under 16.
  [*]How many free white males over 16 and under 26.
  [*]How many free white males over 26 and under 45.
  [*]How many free white males over age 45.
  [*]How many free white females under age 10.
  [*]How many free white females over 10 and under 16.
• How many free white females over 16 and under 26.
  [*]How many free white females over 26 and under 45.
  [*]How many free white females over age 45.
  [*]How many other free persons.
  [*]How many slaves.

Questions Asked on the 1840 Census

• Name of the head of each household.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 0-5
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 5-10.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 10-15.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 15-20.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 20-30.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 30-40.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 40-50.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 50-60.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 60-70.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 70-80.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 80-90.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females age 90-100.
  [*]How many free white males and free white females over 100.
  [*]How many males slaves under age 10, over 10 and under 24, over 24 and under 36, over 36 and under 55, over 55 and under 100, over age 100.
  [*]How many female slaves under age 10, over 10 and under 24, over 24 and under 36, over 36 and under 55, over 55 and under 100, over age 100.
  [*]How many free black males under age 10, over 10 and under 24, over 24 and under 36, over 36 and under 55, over 55 and under 100, over age 100.
  [*]How many free black females under age 10, over 10 and under 24, over 24 and under 36, over 36 and under 55, over 55 and under 100, over age 100.
  [*]How many individuals engaged in mining, agriculture, commerce, manufacturing and trades, navigation of the oceans, navigation of the lakes, canals, and rivers, learned professions and engineering.
  [*]How many deaf and dumb whites under age 14, over 14 and under 25, over age 25.
  [*]How many blind whites.
  [*]How many idiotic or insane whites.
  [*]How many white males over 21 who cannot read and write.
  [*]How many deaf and dumb slaves and free blacks under 14, over 14 and under 25, over age 25.
  [*]How many blind slaves and free blacks.
  [*]How many idiotic or insane slaves and free blacks.
  [*]How many white foreigners not naturalized.
  [*]Names and ages of all Revolutionary War pensioners.
  
  

Questions Asked on the 1850 Census

• Name, age, sex and color of every person in the household.
  [*]Occupation of each person over age 15.
  [*]Value of real estate owned.
  [*]Place of birth of each person.
  [*]Was the person married within the year.
  [*]Did the person attend school within the year.
  [*]Can the person read and write. (only if over age 20).
  [*]Is the person deaf, dumb, blind, insane, idiotic, a pauper or convict
  

Name, age, sex and color of every person in the household.
Occupation of each person over age 15.
Value of real estate owned.
Value of personal property owned.
Place of birth of each person.
Was the person married within the year.
Did the person attend school within the year.
Can the person read and write. (only if over age 20).
Is the person deaf, dumb, blind, insane, idiotic, a pauper or convict.

Questions Asked on the 1870 Census

• Name, age, sex and color of every person in the household.
  [*]Occupation of each male.
  [*]Occupation of each female.
  [*]Value of real estate owned.
  [*]Value of personal property owned.
  [*]Place of birth of each person.
  [*]Was the person married within the year.
  [*]Whether or not parents are of foreign birth.
  [*]If a person was born within the year, the month of birth was given.
  [*]If a person was married within the year, the month of marriage was given.
  [*]Did the person attend school within the year.
  [*]Can the person read and write.
  [*]Is the person deaf, dumb, blind, insane, or idiotic.
  [*]Is the person a male citizen over 21.
  [*]Is the person a male citizen over 21 who cannot vote.
  

Well that was a dumb question. 100% of the honest answers would be "yes."

Questions Asked on the 1880 Census

• In a city, house number and street name.
• Name, age, sex and color of every person in the household.
• If a person was born within the year, the month of birth was given.
• Relationship of each person to the Head of Household.
• Is the person single, married, widowed or divorced.
• Was the person married within the year.
  [*]Occupation of each male.
  [*]Occupation of each female.
  [*]How many months was the person unemployed during the census year.
  [*]Whether or not a person was sick or temporarily disabled, and if so, the nature of the illness.
  [*]Whether a person was blind, deaf, dumb, idiotic, insane, maimed, crippled, bedridden or permanently disabled.
  [*]Did the person attend school within the year.
  [*]Can the person read and write.
  [*]Place of birth of each person.
  [*]Place of birth of each person's mother.
  [*]Place of birth of each person's father.
  

Questions Asked on the 1900 Census

• House number and street name for city dwellers.
• Name and sex of every person in the household.
• Relationship of each person to the head of household.
• Color or race of each person.
• Month and year of birth of each person and their age on their last birthday.
• Is the person single, married, widowed or divorced.
• How long has the person been married.
• How many children born to females and how many are still living.
• Place of birth of each person.
• Mother's place of birth.
• Father's place of birth.
• If an immigrant, the year of immigration to the United States.
• How long an immigrant has been in the United States.
• Is the person naturalized?
• Profession, occupation or trade of each person over age 10.
• Number of months a person was unemployed in the year.
• Did the person attend school within the year.
• Can the person read and write.
• Can the person speak English.
• Does the family own or rent the home, is it mortgaged, is it a farm or a house.

Questions Asked on the 1910 Census

• Name of street, road, avenue etc.
• House number for city dwellers.
• Number of dwelling in order of visitation.
• Number of family in order of visitation.
• Name of each person.
• Relationship of each person to the head of household.
• Sex of person.
• Color or race of person.
• Age of person at last birthday.
• Is person single, married, widowed or divorced.
• How many years in present marriage.
• Mother of how many children and how many still living.
• Place of birth of each person.
• Place of birth of the father of this person.
• Place of birth of the mother of this person.
• Year of immigration to the US.
• Is person an alien or naturalized.
• Can the person speak English. If not, what is language spoken.
• Occupation, trade or profession of person.
• General nature of industry, business or where this person works.
• Is the person an employer, employee or working on own account.
• If an employee, was the person working on April 15,1910.
• How many weeks during the year 1909 was the person unemployed.
• Is person able to read and write.
• Did the person attend school since Sept. 1, 1909.
• Does this family own or rent home.
• Is home owned outright or mortgaged.
• Is the dwelling a farm or house.
• If a farm, what is the number on the farm schedule.
• Is the person a survivor of the Union or Confederate Arm or Navy.
• Is the person blind.
• Is the person deaf and dumb.

For any questions you cannot answer truthfully, simply line out the inappropriate verbiage and write in the proper phrasing with a Crayola crayon in either atomic tangerine or burnt sienna. Be sure to initial each change.

Fortunately, I do not need a device for time travel, living in all times simultaneously.

Therefore I have already completed the form for the present year through 2040. By then, the government's mind control implants will make the census obsolete.

You're retarded. The entire purpose of the census is to provide a vehicle for secretly implanting the mind control devices. The census can never be made obsolete by mind control.

Are you from Brazil or Canada, brudder?

South Americans are still Americans. Even Georgia is part of the Americas (barely).

Sadly, not everything burns quite as well as one would want it to burn. And Sherman lacked modern incendiary devices.